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Ch 1 The Crash
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I started this book back in 1997 or 1998. Memory seems to fail me on the exact time and date but it’s fair to say it has been in the process for quite a long period of time. In any event, about 8 or 9 of us formed a writers forum on the internet where we could post and critique each other’s work and a few of the names that still come back to me are CF and Lee C. I got to meet CF for the first time at the Sacramento Highland Games held in Woodland, California and several times thereafter in Surrey at the annual Surrey Gathering. I was also lucky enough to meet Lee C at one of the Surrey Gatherings. I would like to thank them and the others who participated in the group for reading my stuff a time or two and helping me along the way. Also the name Stephanie Lee from Chicago comes to mind. She added a touch to the character Gillian MacKenzie. Another person who added significantly to my book was Sylvia from Scotland who helped with the Scots dialect. Although my Father was from Scotland and had the brogue, it never rubbed off on me so thanks to her for all of the help she gave to me. The Graphics for the cover of my book was done by M&M so a very special thanks to her for doing that for me. There is one other person who made it all possible and that was Diana Gabaldon. It was her books about Jamie and Claire that drew us all together in places like Surrey, Canada; Oberlin, Ohio; Woodland, California; Fergus, Canada; and many others throughout the U.S as well as overseas. So thank you Diana for giving me the inspiration to write a book.
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MacGregror’s War © 2006
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James MacGregor
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The Crash When I opened my eyes, I was in a darkened room just staring up at the ceiling where a fan was slowly rotating. A faint smell of antiseptic wafted down from the blades with each revolution. I hurt, Oh God did I hurt all over. The angelic-looking woman was nowhere to be seen, and all I could feel was this terrible agonizing pain. My chest felt as though sharp knives were thrust in me and each breath I took made it worse. I tried to rise up but the deep biting stabs made me give up immediately. Where the hell am I? What happened? I allowed my hands to roam the surface where I was lying to see if I could determine where I was. I wanted to scream because the pain was so intense but I felt if I did, it would somehow get worse. My right leg throbbed with each beat of my heart. It didn’t feel as though I could touch it for some reason, almost as though it was separate from the rest of me. I lay there soaking wet; the sweat rolling down my forehead into my eyes. They were stinging badly and I could do nothing about it. I squeezed my eyes shut to ease the burning and just when I thought I’d died and gone to hell, I felt a cool cloth wiping my forehead and a soft voice saying, “Easy lad, easy”. I opened my eyes again and the angelic-looking face was back, looking down at me. I couldn’t make out the features in the darkened room but the white glow atop her head told me she must be an angel come to get me and take me out of this hell. I wanted to reach up and touch her but my arms felt like lead and once again the vision started fading away. I didn’t want the face to leave me again but I had no control over it and once more it slipped off into the darkness. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It had been a long day for Gillian and her shift had ended, yet she found she couldn’t leave. Her new patient had shown signs of coming out of his coma and she wanted to be there when he woke. Gillian sat in a chair several feet away from his bed and started to doze off when she heard him cry out in pain. This soldier along with another was brought into the recovery ward almost 3 days ago. He was very badly injured in a violent crash of an American Bomber just across the Teviot River north of Wilton Park and her heart went out to him immediately. He looked younger than her 23 years. What a brave man he must be and at such a tender young age. As a nurse, Gillian experienced first hand the rigors of war. It had been almost a year now since the Cottage Hospital had been given a government grant to care for badly wounded soldiers, many with arms and legs missing. She should be used to it by now, but she just couldn’t find it in her heart to detach herself from all the horror and just do her job. Then again, she was very young herself and perhaps the kind of detachment she needed wasn’t to be hers until she aged a bit more. So many men had already given the ultimate sacrifice and she loved them all for they fought for a better world. The war had affected everyone in Scotland, even those in the Cottage Hospital in the small town of Hawick and there seemed to be no end in sight. She had a bowl of cool water and a washcloth ready. He had been running a high fever and she knew that the cool water would help to relieve some of his discomfort. She took the bowl to his bedside and started to wipe his face while providing words of comfort. He was waking up and was undoubtedly in pain, scared and confused. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I hadn’t realized until I heard the voice saying ‘easy lad, easy’ that it was a real person in front of me and not my imagination playing tricks on me again. Once more the vision returned and I reached out to touch the hand wiping my face, my fingers grabbing the wrist and not wanting to let go for fear it would again escape me. “Well noo, yer awake lad”, came the voice. It was a woman’s voice, very soft and gentle and the words had a different sound to them, almost as though I had heard them before but I couldn’t remember where. Everything seemed so strange. I’m James but where the hell am I? What is this place and who is this woman talking to me? Nothing made any sense. I tried to think back to the last thing I could remember. Waking up, breakfast, briefing……..yes, our bomber squadron had assembled in the briefing room and we found out that we were going to bomb the U-Boat yards at Wilhelmshaven, Germany. The flight plan called for us to head directly north towards Scotland, then East from England, across the North Sea, and enter Germany coming in from the north off the Ocean. This would give us the least amount of time over Germany and the U-Boat target area. The total estimated flight time was 7 hours. Our return flight would be along the same route. The Flight Path from Molesworth to Wilhelmshaven and Back
After the briefing, we began our preparations for getting underway. The ground crews were busy fueling the plane and loading the bombs, checking out all the normal things before turning the plane over to the crew. Even though this was my 15th mission I still had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach at the thought of going up. We had a new crew with 2nd Lt. Mitch Cunningham Pilot and 2nd Lt. Doug Mason, co-pilot. Both Hetrick and I had flown with Lt. Mason on our 13th but our plane took some flak on mission 14 with four guys getting banged up pretty bad from shrapnel and new men were quickly assigned to take their place. I had the feeling that both the planes and the men who flew them were expendable. There were ten of us on each plane and if we didn’t come back, we would simply be replaced with new men and new planes. Mechanical failures caused four of our aircraft to turn back before they had reached the English coast, but the remainder of the formation proceeded on the briefed route in accordance with the pre-conceived flight plan. At 1215 hours we were getting close to the target area and I could see the black puffs of smoke exploding to my right and left as we began to take flak. The thought of getting hit triggered something in me and slowly the events of the mission started coming back. As the engines droned on, the flak became very heavy, almost thick enough to get out and walk on. It was about 1225 hours and we had no sooner dropped our load of 12 five hundred pounders and then came the sudden loud blast behind my head and a horrific gaping hole about two feet in diameter just a few feet to the rear of my gun turret. The wind came gushing in with pieces of metal and other debris being blown frantically about. The abruptness of the explosion so close to me sent chills through my entire body. My right leg began to tingle and I took off my heated glove and reached down to my calf only to find that a piece of shrapnel had apparently torn my flight suit open and I drew back a hand filled with blood. The plane began jerking terribly with Lt. Mason saying, “My God we’re hit badly up here. Both Lt. Cunningham and Lt. Meyers are dead.” The plane began shuddering and continually got worse as we began banking to the left away from the others. The whole damned thing began shaking so bad that I thought the tail was about to fall off. I could see the smoke streaming by my turret and then what appeared to be part of a wing flap. I was terrified at the thought of us going down and being all alone in the tail turret was not exactly the place I wanted to be right now. I looked around towards the front of the fuselage and I could see Hetrick standing there at his waist gun position but Joe Brown was slumped in his harness apparently shot up bad. Jesus Christ, things were not looking good. The pilot and navigator both dead and Joe Brown looked on the way. Thoughts began to run through my head that this could end up being my last flight. I kept thinking of the planes and crews that didn’t come back from previous missions......Rudy, Fred, Gonzales, we were all having drinks only a few weeks ago and now they were gone. Suddenly the smoke stopped streaming past and the vibrations lessened somewhat and again Doug, “OK guys, we had an engine fire but it’s out now and the engine is feathered. We’re badly damaged but still in the air. Be ready to bail out if things get worse. We’re headed back to England.” Holy shit, bail out!! We had a little training on jumping but not in the midst of an air strike in middle of Germany. I sat there and prayed that the Lieutenant could get us back to England. Three and a half hours I thought to myself, we need this damned thing to stay up for at least three and a half more friggin hours. The way it shook and howled, would we even make another minute? It was freezing cold with the air gushing in right behind my head and my flight suit was not much help. We were at 26,000 feet, it was forty below zero and we no longer had the protection of the other planes. The Krauts must have seen us pulling away from the others and were quick to come right up our ass from both sides with their FW-190’s and I began to blast away with my twin 50’s. One of the FW-190’s started moving in on us fast now. I let loose, with a long continuous fire from my guns. He came straight at us, so close I could see the pilot then he seemed to just explode and disintegrate as he spiraled out of control downwards. The second plane came in right behind him. For a minute I thought he was going to ram us and then he veered off to my left and was gone. I had a sick feeling in my stomach knowing that I just killed someone. Fortunately we ran into some heavy cloud cover and there was not much that I could see in any direction. I prayed that the clouds stayed with us; alone like this we were a sitting duck for the German fighters. The flak had all but diminished but the plane continued to vibrate as we started the long trek back to England. As I sat there freezing, my thoughts trailed off to home and Evelyn. What time was it back in Ohio now? Early morning? Evelyn would just be getting ready to go to work. God, I would like to be there now. I imagined holding her in my arms and kissing her. The soft touch of her hands holding mine. I thought of the nights we would dance in our stocking feet in the living room, just the two of us with our bodies pressed together and the radio playing soft music. She didn’t seem older to me somehow and it didn’t matter to me that she was almost twice my age. We were so happy the last time together. Maybe this is how it will end, here tonight in the sky all alone over Germany. I closed my eyes and dreamed. I had to take my mind off the desperate situation we were in and so I allowed these pictures of Evelyn to keep floating through my mind. I wondered if I would ever see her again. One hour and fifteen minutes, twenty minutes, forty minutes went by and suddenly I could see the water down below us. The waves were flickering in the half sun lit sky and then we ducked back into thick cloud cover and they were gone. We must have reduced altitude as it was not near as cold as it had been just half an hour ago. We were headed back across the North Sea then. Christ, when I saw the water we looked so low, so friggin low! What the hell were we doing down so low. Doug must have taken us down to about 5000 feet. Nobody was talking, just the terrible shuddering of the plane and the weird sounds of metal flapping in the wind and the loud whooshing noises, as the air continued gushing in. Finally Lt. Mason again, “Well guys, we’ve got two good engines and we seem to be holding our own. We’re still in the air and that’s the main thing. I’m fairly sure we’ll make land but I’m steering by the seat of my ass up here. All the navigational stuff is blown away so all we can do is a visual for ‘Dogtown’. The weather is lousy as usual over jolly old England, socked in from Molesworth to Scotland. Time now is 1547 so that should be less than 30 minutes from now. When we reach land, I want all of you guys to keep your eyes open for any sightings; especially the waist gunners and Fletcher in the belly turret and MacGregor back there in the tail. Give me a ‘Ho’ just to make sure you all heard that.” We would normally all have been talking at once but tonight was different. It started up front with Fletcher, Ho....Hetrick, Ho. The silence of Joe Brown hanging there in his gun harness across from Hetrick made me half sick but I managed....MacGregor, Ho…. It was Lt. Mason again, “Hetrick, is Joe Brown ok?” “He’s dead sir. Some shrapnel tore his belly open really bad and he’s hanging there with a pool of blood below him.” “Oh Shit. OK, the rest of you guys, keep alert. We may only get one shot at this so yell out the minute you see anything. I’m on a slow descent so no sightings and we’ll have to turn around and ditch in the ocean.” We were in really thick cover now and there were no intermittent sightings of anything. I sure hoped they could see more up front than I could back here. Ten minutes, twenty minutes, thirty minutes; Jesus, there has to be some land down there. Forty minutes, what next? I couldn’t remember. “Where am I?” I said to the girl, and before she could reply, “Did we make it?” “Easy lad, ye’ve been in an awful airplane crash but yer safe noo”, came her reply. Yer in a hospital in Scotland and I’m nurse MacKenzie here to take care of ye. They brought you in ore three days ago noo and ye’ve got a good many broken ribs, several bad burns, and ye also hae a broken leg. Yer plane crashed joost north o’ the river ye see and they brought ye here ta the hospital.” “Scotland. Jesus! We were supposed to be landing in England.” “Well, it isna far ta England lad. Is that where ye were headed then when ye crashed?” “Yes, England, Molesworth, England. The others, I said, what about the others?” “Best no ta be thinkin aboot it, noo.” she whispered. “Ye’ve got the need ta focus all yer energy on gettin better. Ye are lucky ta be here alive an speakin ta me.” Was there really nothing that she could do for this man? She was so tired and wanted to go rest but at the same time, she didn’t want to leave him. He needed her so badly and in a way, she needed him. “What do they call ye, Lad?” she asked gently. She had seen his dog tags with the name James MacGregor and for some reason she felt that if he could tell her his name, then everything would be all right. “MacGregor. James MacGregor.” “Tis a pleasure ta meet ye, James. My name is Gillian, Gillian MacKenzie.” That made him smile and Gillian knew that all would be well. When I woke again, it was daytime and my body ached all over. The nurse said my leg was broken. I felt down my right leg, a hard cast as far down as I could reach. She said not to be thinking about the others now. I had the sickening feeling that I was the only one to make it. I was lucky to be here were the words she spoke. I tried to look up and down the rows of beds but my chest was hurting so bad, I could only manage a twist of my head. She told me her name last night, what was it? The hospital ward the night before was cast in the shadows from a single light at one end but I could see that she was very beautiful. Her voice seemed to flow out to me as though I was the only person in this large ward room. I was quite anxious to see her in the daylight. Three days I had been here she said. I was all mixed up on days and times. If this was true, it must have been close to the 14th of June now. I closed my eyes for a few minutes and when I opened them, there at the foot of the bed stood the nurse and an old man in a white smock. “James, this is Doctor Buchanan come ta see ye. He’ll be wantin ta ask ye soom questions.” He looked so familiar to me. Who was it that he reminded me of...... my father? The same grey hair and the balding head in front with the furrowed brow. God Almighty, I must be dreaming all of this. First I’m in Scotland and now here is this guy that looks just like my Dad. “Good mornin lad, yer lookin a mite better than last I saw ye. Nurse MacKenzie says ye been wi a wee bit o’ fever.” Yes, that was her name, MacKenzie, Gillian MacKenzie. He placed his hand on my forehead and I could feel that my head was clammy against his dry hand. “Aye, it seems ta be gone noo. Let me hae a look inta yer eyes lad. Look straight inta tha light. Hae ye been feelin any dizziness?” “Only when I try to raise up, Doctor Buchanan.” “Aye, ye’ll be a bit woozy fur a few days noo. Ye got some nasty burns and scrapes but all ye need is some time ta heal lad. Ye have been in a coma for nigh on three days now. How does yer leg and chest feel? Not sae good wi’ all tha bones broken, eh? When ye get a wi’ bit better, I hae a souvenir for ye, it’s a piece o metal that came oot of yer leg. “ “Yes, I hurt all over Dr. but the leg is the worst.” “Aye, I’ll see tha nurse MacKenzie gives ye soomthin ta ease tha a bit more.” In a few minutes, they were on to the next bed and on down the row to visit the rest of the patients. I couldn’t get over how much the doctor looked like my dad. He looked enough Like Dad to be his brother but that hardly seemed possible even if I was in Scotland. It must be a coincidence as the last name was Buchanan. None the less, it was something to think about. How could they be brothers though unless Grandma was married twice?? Just then, the man in the bed next to me spoke. “Hello, I’m David Sinclair. So that was your plane that made all the noise. It made an incredible blast and caused quite a commotion here in the hospital with all of us wondering what had happened. Like the nurse said, you’re sure lucky to be alive.” “Hi David, I’m James MacGregor. I guess I am lucky at that. How did you make your grand entry?” “Oh, nothing quite so spectacular; I was in Sheffield on furlough and was on my way to Edinburgh to visit my uncle and I got into an automobile accident. This was the closest hospital so I ended up here. I knew I should have taken the train” We talked on for a while about one thing and another and then Gillian MacKenzie was back with some pills for me to take. “Here ye are lad. Swallow these doon and I’m sure tha pain will be gone in no time.” “Thanks nurse Mackenzie. I hope you’re right about that.” The pills Doctor Buchanan prescribed for me were quick to put me to sleep and it wasn’t until almost dark that I woke up again. I could smell food. It wasn’t something that I had thought about but the growls in my belly told me that I was hungry. A very young girl no more than 14 years old brought me a tray of food and was off to the others without saying a word. It was just some broth and jello. I could not remember taking the last bite and it was morning already. “Gday to ye lad”, came the voice of Gillian MacKenzie as she hovered about me. “Jamie, is it noo and a nice name it is ye hav. I’ve come ta clean ye oop as best I can. Ye dinna have a lot thats no covered with bandages.” She was much more beautiful than I had believed in the dim light the other night. Her eyes were so green, somewhat like the Creoles that I had seen in Louisiana while in basic training, a kind of unreal bluish green. She had a slight amount of freckles on her nose and cheeks and red hair, all tucked up under her white cap. Her eyes were dancing about and every so often, a glance down at me. I couldn’t take my eyes off her and every time her glance caught me, her lips curled in a little smile. “Where in Scotland are we? What town is this, Miss Mackenzie?” “Yer in a small toon called Hawick” “Hawick, Oh my God, are you sure that’s the name? Is it spelled H-a-w-i-c-k?” She looked at me a little startled and said, “Aye Lad, do you ken of it?”
“This would be the Cottage Hospital then? My
father was born in this hospital. He was born in Hawick!!!” “Yes, I’m sure, it sits up on the high ground overlooking the parks, doesn’t it?” “Aye, it does that alright. It’s verra strange that ye cam to be here. Are ye sure aboot it lad?” “The Horse, the 1514 Horse! A picture of it is on the desk at my mother’s home in California.” “Jesus, Mary and Joseph,” she said, “yer nae hallucinating then, tis the horse memorial statue in toon. Do ye ken anyone in Hawick?” “My father has lots of friends here in Hawick but I have never met any of them. I even have relatives here in Scotland but not quite sure where they live. My parents lived in Glasgow for several years and both of my sister’s were born there. Then they moved here to Hawick because it was my Father’s hometown. I guess work was hard to come by then so they moved to Vancouver, Canada in 1920.” “Och, I thought ye were an American.” “Oh, that I am. In 1922 my parents picked up stakes again and moved to a place called Struthers, Ohio. My father was told jobs were plentiful there. I came along shortly after that.” “Well, I hope ye are able to meet soom of yer father’s friends.” “He spoke often of a man named Billy Burnet. I think he was my Dad’s grade school teacher.” She seemed startled that I knew the name. Aye, that would be Drumlanrig Saint Cuthberts Primary School. Mr. Burnet worked there many years back. He's headmaster at Henderson High School noo. I think he would like tae see ye. Would ye like me tae tell him yer here? Henderson is joost across the street and doon a ways. I can stop in on mei way home" "Yes, that would be great nurse MacKenzie." End chapter 1
MacGregor’s Crashed B-17 Bomber
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Evelyn McCurdy
I had been here in the Cottage Hospital for four days now; five counting today. I was still not able to sit up on my own and as I lay in bed daydreaming, my thoughts drifted to Evelyn again, this time going all the way back to the day I had first met her. It was about two weeks before Christmas and I had been out delivering groceries when I noticed the sign in the front window of the house right next to the store, `Room for Rent’. When I got back to the store, I asked my boss Morris about it and he told me Mrs. McCurdy lived there and she was having a hard time making ends meet. He went on to tell me that her husband had been an alcoholic and beat her very badly one night. It was soon after that she divorced him and ever since that time she had been living alone and just barely getting by. The name sounded familiar to me but I just could not place her. At the time, I was living all the way up on the north side of Youngstown and had to drive to work so I decided to go over and talk to her. The minute she opened the door, I recognized who she was. She would often come into the store for groceries and I remembered helping her on several occasions find what it was she was looking for.
Evelyn McCurdy, Struthers Ohio 1942
“Hello Mrs. McCurdy, I’m Jimmy from next door at the store and I’m interested in finding out about the room you have for rent.” “Oh yes Jimmy, come in won’t you. I can show you the room. It’s very small but I will allow kitchen privileges if I can find the right person.” She led me upstairs and showed me the bath and then into the bedroom and it had a single bed, a dresser and a small desk which was adequate for my needs. She had mentioned finding the right person and I assumed I was ok otherwise she would not have gone to all the trouble of showing me the room. “How much is it Mrs. McCurdy?” “It’s $12.00 a week but that includes the kitchen privileges or I can let you have it for $10.00 a week if you are willing to do a few chores around the house.” I was paying $12.00 a week where I was and had all that way to drive so this looked like a good move to me. “I’m sure I can do the chores and this will save me a long drive to work, how soon can I move in?” “Well, that certainly was a quick decision but I’m so happy you decided to take it. I know that I will feel more comfortable having someone that I somewhat know living in the house. The room is empty so you can move in anytime.” I paid her the money for the room and told her I would move in this coming weekend. She gave me a key to the front door and told me to be sure I locked the house whenever I left if she was not at home. I decided to pack my car with all my stuff on Saturday before I came to work and I could move in on Saturday night after work. I went back over to the store and told Morris that I was now his new next door neighbor. “I had a feeling you would take that room. When are you going to move?” “It’s a really good deal for me. I’m going to move in this weekend then starting on Monday, I can walk to work.” It had been a week now since Pearl Harbor and still the news kept coming in on the small radio Morris had in the back of the store. We were in it now having declared war on Japan, followed by Germany and Italy. I was busy in the back most of the morning stripping the tops off canned goods and later putting the stock on the shelves. I had thought about enlisting but after talking to my Mother on the phone, I gave up on that idea. She wanted me to come out to California and see her before making such a decision. I didn’t have enough money to make such a long trip but she told me she would send it Western Union. I would turn 18 this coming year and wondered about my status as far as being drafted and decided to check it out sometime in next few days. After work, I moved my car into the driveway between the McCurdy house and the store and drove all the way to the back to unload my stuff. There was a nice covered porch in the back but I could see right off that the railing needed repairs. Mrs. McCurdy was home and she greeted me at the door.
“Hello Jimmy, I see
you have your things with you.” “You can pull it to the left alongside the garage. It’s paved all along there. If you have time after you are done, we can sit down in the kitchen and go over the chores.” It took me less than an hour to unload all of my boxes and clothes, a far cry from the huge truck load that carried all of my Mother’s things to California a few years back. When I was all done, I moved the car alongside the garage and went in through the back door which led directly into the kitchen. Mrs. McCurdy was standing at the sink preparing some food. “Hi, sit down and have a cup of coffee with me and we can talk about the things I need you to do for me.” “OK” As I sat down, she brought a cup and saucer and placed it in front of me, then poured the coffee. “Do you take anything with it?” “No, I drink mine black.” “Me too.”
“So what chores did you have for me Mrs. McCurdy?” “There are several important things I need you to do on a regular basis. One is to tend the furnace and take out the ashes. Those buckets of ashes are much too heavy for me to drag up out of the basement. Another thing is the garbage. I would like you to take that out daily and put it on my compost heap out back and last, I would like you to shovel the snow should we get any. As we move into spring, I will need some help with the garden out back.” “OK, I can do that with no problem.” We had a coal furnace in our old house here in Struthers so tending the fire and doing the ashes was nothing new to me. We even had a garden out back and did the same thing with the garbage on a compost heap. As I sat there and sipped on my coffee, I could not help but wonder how old Mrs. McCurdy was. She appeared to be about my sister’s age so I thought she might be about 30. She showed me the portion of the refrigerator I could use and warned me not to use the front left gas burner on the stove because it had some kind of problem. I thought I might have a look at it later on. “I suppose you didn’t bring any food with you just yet but you can use the cupboard over here on the right. Are you hungry? I can fix you something.” “Oh, I forgot. I still have a few things up in my room. I need to run up and get them because some are perishable.” I went up and got all the food I had packed from my other place, some of it going into the refrigerator and the rest into the cupboard. This whole arrangement seemed much better to me, most of all being closer to the store. Mrs. McCurdy seemed much friendlier than my previous landlady, Mrs. Pollatz. While I was putting all of my food away, I watched as Mrs. McCurdy busied herself with a plate of food for the both of us and she had me sit down at the table with her. It had been a long time since someone had fixed me a meal such as this. I was not much good at cooking and usually ended up making a sandwich or a can of Campbell’s Vegetable Soup. As we sat there talking about one thing and another, I could see that she wanted to know more about why I was living alone and not with my family. “Where were you born, Jimmy?” “I was born here in Struthers, up on Wilson Street. My parents had left Vancouver, Canada so that my Dad could get a job in the Steel Mills. They had originally moved into the Sheet and Tube housing down at the end of 5th Street and just before I was born, they bought the place up on Wilson Street.” “Do they still live there?” “No, in 1937 we all moved to California.” “By all, you mean, you, and your Mother and Father?” “My sister’s too. I have two sisters, Dorthia and Kathleen.” “Oh my, the names Dorthia and Kathleen MacGregor really ring a bell with me. When I was in high school, there were two girls with that name but surely they were too old to be your sisters?” “That would be them. They were both much older than me. My mother was 45 when I came along.” “Really, Oh my God, it’s so hard to believe that Dorthia and Kathleen are you sisters. I used to pal around with them. Are they doing well? So, where in California did your family move to and how did you happen to come back here?” “We moved to Hollywood. They took all the money from the sale of the home here in Struthers and bought a small home up in the hills just north of town. Dorthia has done real well. She graduated from nursing school and bought a small rest home that was faltering and has since built it into a very nice convalescent hospital. Kathleen has not done nearly as well. She took to drinking and it has more or less ruined her life. As for me, I went one year to Hollywood High School and hated it. The only good thing that came of it was that they advanced me one whole year because of some California entrance tests they had given me. That following summer I had saved up enough money working for my Uncle George to make a trip back to see all of my friends here and decided to stay and spend my last year in school here in Struthers.” “So you have more or less been on your own since you were 16 then?” “Yes, after I graduated from high school, I got the job at the store and I have been there ever since.” After we had eaten, I told Mrs. McCurdy that I would do the dishes but she insisted on helping so I washed and she dried. “This is my first experience at renting a room out and so far, I think I am going to like having your company. I want you to feel at home here and not feel obligated to spend all of your time in your room. If you like, maybe we can split the food bill and both of us have meals together like we did this evening.” “That sounds good to me but if you are to do the cooking, you have to let me do the clean up. It’s only fair if we do it that way.” “Good, it sounds like a wonderful arrangement to me. I’m going into the living room and listen to the news now if you would care to join me.” She had a small Emerson Radio just like my Dad’s over in the corner and tuned in the evening news on WKBN. It just seemed to go on and on about the destruction to the US Fleet at Pearl Harbor. They went on to say that the attack destroyed twelve American warships, 188 aircraft, and killed 2,403 American servicemen and 68 civilians. “When will you be 18? With the whole world at war now, surely they will find you a good candidate for the army.” “I’ll be 18 this coming June. I am going to check with the draft board the first of the week and see what they can tell me.” Once the news was over, we sat there for a long while talking about a variety of subjects and it was nice, probably for both of us, not to have to sit alone in the evening. Mrs. McCurdy told me that she worked in Youngstown at Stambaugh-Thompsons as a sales clerk. She said the money was barely enough to get by on and that she was thrilled to have the extra money from me for the room. She also mentioned graduating in 1925, the same year as my sister Dorthia so I knew right off that she was about 34. It was almost 10 O’clock when I went down to tend the furnace for the night. Things went on much the same for the next week, however, we started spending much more time together at the kitchen table drinking coffee and playing cards or checkers to pass the long cold winter nights. It was getting close to Christmas and there was not enough money for gifts or a tree so I decided to get her a card. On Christmas Eve, we were about to close the store and I asked Morris if he minded if I took one of the trees that we had left over. “Yes, by all means, take one. I think we only have about 3 left though. All the good ones have been picked over. “OK, thanks” Mike the butcher had to clear out some of his meat because of the holiday and he gave me several nice cuts of beef. I was always first to get home from work so I took the best of the three trees and my package of beef and headed for the house. I set the tree up in the living room and put one of my white sheets under it. Mrs. McCurdy had a string of lights around the window so I took them down and draped them around the tree. It was a bit barren but I thought when Mrs. McCurdy got home she might have some decorations. Then I took the card and went into the kitchen and sat down at the table to sign it. I sat there for the longest time wondering what to say to her. I knew that financial problems were still a major concern for her just as they were for me but maybe things would improve with the two of us pulling together. I took the pen in my hand and just started to write. Mrs. McCurdy, When situations begin to get you down, remember there's someone in Heaven who loves you and watches over you. He knows the hardships you have been going through and I’m sure this coming year, with the both of us working together, things will be much better for you. I want you to know that there is someone on Earth who cares too… I do. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year James MacGregor After I had signed it, I took it into the living room and put it on the stand next to the tree. I went upstairs to shower and just as I was finishing up, I heard Mrs. McCurdy putting her coat away in the hall closet. I laced my shoes and headed downstairs. As I turned the corner into the living room, I saw that she had already gone over to the tree. She had just finished reading my card. She turned and faced me and I could see her eyes welled with emotion. “Oh Jimmy, how sweet of you…….and the tree as well. It was quite a shock to come home to this.” She came right up to me and hugged me. Her body was trembling slightly and I sensed that she was close to tears. “It’s so wonderful having you here with me.” “I hope you have some decorations for the tree. It looks so barren the way it is.” “Yes, they are on the top shelf of the hall closet way in the back. You will have to get them down while I go fix dinner.” As she walked into the kitchen, I saw her bring her handkerchief to her eyes and dry the tears. I got a chair and stood up on it looking in the back of the closet for the decorations. I saw one marked X-Mas and took it down and opened it. There were dozens of ornaments, icicles, even a white star for the top of the tree. I walked into the kitchen and told her about the beef Mike had given me. She decided that we would have the roast beef tomorrow for our Christmas Dinner. It was the first of the year before I checked out my draft status and I found out that I had to register within 30 days of my 18th birthday. The days blended into weeks at the McCurdy house and with each passing bit of time, Mrs. McCurdy seemed more a part of my life. It was Thursday, the 5th of February at about noon when the snow started coming down. By 5pm it was 8 inches deep and I began to worry about Mrs. McCurdy getting home from work. When we closed the store at 6pm, I made my way through the snow to the garage and got out the shovel and began working on the driveway. By the time I got to the end, there was another two inches had come down. I shoveled a path to the back door and then went in and put on some coffee. It was almost 7pm when she finally got there. I opened the back door just as she was coming up the steps. “Oh My God, I didn’t think I was going to make it. The car was sliding all over the place. I could hardly see where to turn into the driveway but then I noticed some bare spots where you had been shoveling right there at the front.” “Yes, I just finished before you got here. I think we are in the midst of a blizzard. I have some fresh coffee in the pot.” “I can’t tell you how thankful I am to be home and how wonderful it is to have a man around.” “I was worried that you might not make it. This is the heaviest snow we have had for a couple of years now.” As we sat at the kitchen table drinking our coffee, I could not but help notice the changes that had come over Mrs. McCurdy in the past month. She was smiling more, talking more and maybe it was just me but I thought with some of her comments that she was happier than she had been in a long time. We were too late for the evening news so when dinner was over, we sat down in the living room and listened to music. “What kinds of music do you like Jimmy?” “Oh, most anything is ok with me.” She kept going from one station to another finally settling in on a song by Glen Miller. I had been to the pavilion in Idora Park one night and Glen Miller and his band was performing. The place was packed. “Oh, that one is nice.” “Why don’t you start calling me Evelyn, at least here in the house. Mrs. McCurdy makes me sound so old and married and I’m not you know.” This was another one of those comments that Mrs. McCurdy threw my way that left me wondering how to interpret it. I know that it would have been too bold for me to suggest it but I was ok with it now that she wanted to be called Evelyn. “Do you know how to dance?” “Yes, I used to go up to Idora Park to the dances all the time. They get some really good bands up there.” “I love to dance; come Jimmy, let’s give it a try.” She stood up and extended her arms out to me and almost instantly we were gliding across the floor together to the tune of Stardust. She didn’t hesitate to come up close and rest her head on my shoulder. There was the faint smell of her perfume and the warmth of her breasts against my chest as we danced round and round the room. It was an incredible feeling holding her in my arms like this and I wondered if she was experiencing the same feelings as me. By morning the snow was 2 feet deep so there would be no going to work today. I turned on the radio and found out that almost all the roads in Struthers were closed. It had been years since we had a blizzard such as this and the snow was still coming down. It was a good thing I left the shovel at the back door because the garage doors were buried with snow. I began shoveling my way from the porch to the garage and then from there to the front of the house. I could hear the scraping noise of shovels up and down the street as others were doing the same as me trying to dig out. It was several hours before I had the driveway cleared all the way to the street. From there, I could see that the store was still locked. I cleared the sidewalk all the way to the front of the store then came back and did the walk way up to the front door of the house. Once I had finished, I took the shovel and put it on the back porch again and went into the house. Evelyn had made some coffee and she baked up a batch of sweet rolls that she glazed with white icing. This was the third or fourth time she had made them and they were absolutely delicious. “It’s such a mess out there. I don’t think there will be any busses or cars running today.” “Yes, I just heard on the news that all of the bridges in Youngstown are closed. “You know you have me hooked on these sweet rolls.” “I’m so glad you like them, they’re not easy to make though. You have to let the dough raise 3 times. Have you ever tried your hand at cooking? I would imagine living alone you had to do a bit of it.” “Before I came here, I lived on canned soup and sandwiches. I am a lousy cook. One of the best parts of being here with you is the food……well that and having you to talk to. I guess what I am trying to say is that I like living here with you.” “It’s been good for me too in many ways. Before you came I was mired down in hatred for Nick but I have been able to put it behind me and move on. Don’t ever drink Jimmy. It will only bring you unhappiness.” “All I need do is look at my older sister and I know what that’s like.” We talked for several hours before I heard the sound of the first snow plow to go by. I walked back outside to see how they were doing and on the second pass, the driver told me it would be tomorrow before they had the main roads cleared. Evelyn was glad to hear that because she could not afford the time off work. By 2pm the snow had stopped coming down and I asked Evelyn if she would like to go sledding. “Go sledding, are you crazy? The snow is 2 feet deep and where would we get sleds?” “Right next door at the store there are enough cut up cardboard boxes to make a dozen sleds. We can go right down that steep hill into the park. It’s just on the other side of the store. It will be fun. You’ll see.” “You are so crazy but I am bored just sitting here so I’m going to say yes. You’ve done this before I take it?” “Yes, it’s been a while but we used to do it all the time.” We both bundled up in winter clothes and Evelyn found some old leggings that she used to wear. Meanwhile I went out to the garage and got a couple pieces of clothes line and a pair of scissors to cut some holes in the cardboard and we set out. Once over alongside the store, I found several boxes that folded out over 6 feet long and then we tramped over to the other side of the store to where the steep hill was. I showed Evelyn how the box flaps would fold up each side of her legs when she was sitting down and I punched the holes with the end of the scissors and ran the rope to hold them in place. In a few minutes we had a cardboard toboggan with me slated to be in front and Evelyn behind me. Then I made a rope handle for the front and left the scissors and extra rope on top of the other piece of cardboard. Once it was all done, I pulled it right up to the edge of the hill and we got in. I had Evelyn wrap her legs around me and come up real close. “Oh my God Jimmy, I hope this works.”
Speeding Down the Hillside on a Cardboard Toboggan
It was a clear shot from the top of the hill down into the park. As soon as the homemade toboggan broke the plane, we went sailing down the hill faster and faster. I could hear Evelyn screaming in my ear and holding on to me for dear life. There was a slight hump about half way down and the whole toboggan went into the air for a brief moment. By this time the trees to the right and left of us were just a blur as we went whizzing by. I felt Evelyn’s arms tighten around me just as we leveled off at the bottom of the hill and went shooting out over the playground. We went about half way across before coming to a stop. Evelyn was screaming and laughing at the same time. Then like two kids, we lay there in the deep snow laughing and making snow angels.
“You didn’t tell me it would go so fast. Can we do it again?” “Yes, we can do it again but now comes the hard part of getting back up the hill.” I grabbed her hand and just as I started to pull her up, my foot sank in the deep snow and I came tumbling down right on top of her. We both lay there motionless for a moment with the full weight of my body against hers staring into each other’s eyes before we broke out in laughter again. I finally got up and pulled her to her feet and told her to follow me. As best I could I made my way back to the foot of the hill to the wide stone steps that led down into the park from up above and the two of us trudged to the top of the hill. We went down the hill another two times before deciding to call it a day. It was close to 5pm when we got back to the house. Evelyn put water on for coffee and then the two of us got out of our winter clothes. “I had a wonderful time Jimmy. You have a way of making something out of nothing.” “It was fun; like riding the roller coaster at Idora Park only without all the people.” “There was something about laying there in the snow at the bottom of the hill with the two of us in hysterics laughing. It was the most excitement I have had in years. I didn’t want it to end.” I sat in the kitchen, the two of us talking, while Evelyn busied herself with supper. She began to show me how to make various dishes from time to time and was really pleased with the discounts and specials Mike was giving me on meat. Later that night we listened to the news with hopes that the major roads would be open by morning. Winter drifted into spring and all of our indoor vegetable plants were flourishing. We had cabbage, onions, tomatoes, bell peppers, radishes, cauliflower, and lettuce. By April, I had the garden dug and had moved all the indoor plants out side. I also began to make plans to go home and visit my Mother. She had sent me the money and now that winter was all but over, I wrote to her and said I would be home at the end of May. There was talk of gas rationing coming along soon and I needed to go before that happened. I decided to talk to Morris in the morning. I waited till break time to spring the news. Mike had just finished making us all a bologna sandwich and as usual, we were all sitting there listening to the radio. “Morris, I don’t think it will be too long before the Army has their hands on me and I would like to go home and visit my Mom before then. I promised her I would come and see her. Do you think I can get the first two weeks in June off work?” “I’m sure we can get the new kid to work a few more hours while you go home so don’t worry about it. He’s out delivering groceries right now and I’ll tell him when he gets back. By the way, when do you have to register for the draft?” “OK, thanks. I have to register at the end of June so by then we will know what’s going to happen.” “So only a couple weeks after you get back, you could be Army bound then.” “Yes, and the uncertainty of everything is driving me nuts.” That night I talked to Evelyn about my trip and although it would not affect her in the same way as Morris, she was both glad and sad at the same time. “I’m really going to miss you. The past six months with you here has changed my whole life for the better but I know you have to go see your Mom. What worries me more is the fact that you might have to go into the Army. Just the thought of war frightens me and the thought of you being part of it…….I just don’t know how I will handle that.”
End chapter 2
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Discovering Hawick The morning proved to be rather busy for Gillian and the other nurses. Several more patients, all part of a Government Assistance Program designed to accommodate war casualties, were brought in, all needing special care. There was one soldier who was so badly injured that it was just a matter of time before he passed on. There was too much internal bleeding and nothing that could be done. Gillian's heart broke for this man. She couldn't help but to think about what his family must be like and how they would react to his death. She knew that every family tries to prepare themselves for just such an event when they have a loved one going off to fight, but the reality of it was something different altogether. She prayed that this man could live but deep down inside, she knew it was futile. He didn't have much time left. The afternoon was not as hectic and Gillian found that the pace was slow enough to allow her a break. She went to the dying soldier and sat down in a chair next to his bed. He didn't have much longer and she just couldn't let him die alone. He was looking in the opposite direction from her and was staring out the window. His mind was obviously on life outside the window; he hadn't heard the starchy rustle of her uniform. It was a beautiful day filled with blue skies and sunlight. She could hear the cheerful birdsong and the leaves whispering in the trees. Without thinking, Gillian reached out and grabbed his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. At that he turned his head to look at her and said, "Do you see how brilliantly blue the sky is?" He knew he was dying and it tore at her heart. He is just a baby, she thought. "Aye, I do. Do ye mind if I share it wi' ye?" The young man smiled warmly, squeezed her hand and said, "That would be nice. My name is Christian Porter." His breathing was getting labored and Gillian had to struggle to keep back the tears. "Weel, Christian, my name is Gillian and I thank ye for spending this time wi' me. Is there anythin' at all that I can be doin' for ye, noo?" she asked softly. She watched his face as a single tear fell down his cheek. "I'm scared. You being here with me means more than you could ever know." His imploring and pain filled eyes remained locked with hers. "Please tell my family that I didn't die alone. That I had a beautiful angel holding my hand. They will feel better knowing that." He winced, then, and coughed violently but he clung tightly to her hand. When the coughing stopped, he looked at her again and whispered, "I told them before I left that I love them all so very much it hurts. I need to say it again, though. Could you please be sure that they know it?" "Aye, Christian. I'll do that for ye. Ye can depend on it." At that he kissed her hand and smiled. She smiled back but it was all too much and Gillian let her tears fall. The next moment his chest shuddered with a last breath and he was gone. She held his hand for a few moments more and before she pulled the blanket up over his head, she drew her fingertips over his empty eyes to close them, kissed his cheek and said "Ye're the angel, Christian, ye brave young lad. I will forever be thankful that I could share the earth and the sky wi' ye. Go in peace." She told herself that she must be strong and to pass his message along immediately. All of a sudden she needed to see young James MacGregor. He was asleep but just seeing him breathe steady was enough to reassure her and make her smile. He was going to live. He was such a handsome lad and quite tall she thought. It wouldn’t be long before he was up and about. She was having a difficult time looking at him directly on for some reason. It seemed that every time their eyes met, she had to look away. Tomorrow she would shave his face......maybe then it would be easier to have a good look at him. Nurse Gillian MacKenzie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The medication that Dr. Buchanan had given me put me to sleep most of the time. It was intended to ease the pain but I didn't like being asleep most of the day. The evening was fast approaching when I woke again. I could hear all the clatter of trays and the routine bustle of the ward and knew that it must be dinner time I was hoping to see Gillian MacKenzie but it was another nurse that was bringing the trays. She was much older, maybe in her fifties but very pleasant in her manner. "Here, let me crank ye up, lad. I'm nurse Mary Beth and will be wi' ye until morning”. I wasn't too crazy about the nurses cranking the bed up. I hated to let on about the pain. It made my chest hurt terribly. Seven broken ribs they said; and I felt every one of them. She placed the tray of food on the table which swung over the bed above my lap. Soup of some sort, jello, pudding, milk, jelly, tea, and a slice of bread. Much more than I thought I could eat. “Nurse Gillian said yer faither is from Hawick. Where is yer faither noo, lad?" "He's in California, Hollywood California.” "Och my, what would a Teri be doin in California?" As I started on the jello, I smiled to myself at the familiar sound of that word. I remembered my father explaining to me a Teri was a Hawick word for one of the town's natives. "We moved there because my Mother went out there to recover from and illness and she liked it so much she got him to move. I think he likes it now but he won't admit it to my Mother." She continued to fuss with things, getting me water and a napkin. "How long ago did yer faither leave Hawick. Were ye born in America?" "Yes, I was the only one in the family to be born in the United States. My father left Hawick in 1920. He always told me work was hard to find in Hawick. He last worked at the Wilson& Glenney Mills here in Hawick. Is it still here?" "Och yes, my oldest brother works there. A warper he is.” "Oh, my father used to be a warper as well." I wondered if there were still some old guys at the Mill that would still remember my father. I knew that my father would be delighted that I was here in Hawick let alone if I got the chance to talk to one of his friends of so long ago. I must have been hungrier than I thought because I ate almost everything. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The effect Christian's death had on Gillian shocked her. When she got home that night she sat alone in the dark and started to cry. All the emotion had been building for days and she just couldn't hold it back any longer. She cried for what seemed like hours. The tears were not solely for Christian, but for all the souls that death had claimed. She told herself that death is a natural part of life, but she had a hard time accepting it for the ones who still had so much life left to live. The young ones. Their time was cut short and it saddened her. What a senseless waste. As she sat there staring out the window and crying, Gillian heard her mother's soothing and loving voice whisper, "Och, Gillian, dinna cry, my love. The Almighty, He takes the very special an' precious souls early because He wants tae have them close by. All the young people who leave the earth early have fulfilled their purpose in life. Dinna be sad for them, my dearest darling, for they are all so verra happy noo. They are wi' their Father. Ye must believe me for I ken what I say. Ye are verra special, my Gillian. Ye have great purpose in life. Dry yer tears noo an' always remember that I love ye." Her mother had died two years back and Gillian missed her terribly, yet she knew her mother was always there with her. Tomorrow she will try to spend some more time with James. She really liked the young man and thought to herself that he was really quite bonny. Just thinking about him made her smile and before another moment could pass, her tears stopped and she felt better. Before she went to bed she looked up at the star filled sky and said, "I love ye, too, mither, an' I thank ye for yer words of comfort. Please go an' find young Christian Porter. He is a good man and I ken that ye will love him." She then blew a kiss skyward and whispered, "Keep this wi' ye, the both of ye, and always remember my love." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I had a very restless night waking up several times and finding it hard to get back to sleep. I knew that all the others in the plane were dead. It was so hard to believe that I kept pushing it to the back of my mind. And I felt guilty for surviving. I had to urinate badly and was searching for the container. Just when I thought I would wet the bed, the nurse Mary Beth came down the line of beds and saw my plight. In a moment, she had produced the bottle and spent a couple of minutes across the aisle of the ward, presumably fussing over one of her charges. She returned and took the now warm and half-full urinal away to the sluice room. I settled myself down to try and sleep again. It was daylight when I woke again and there sitting next to the bed was a man wearing a flat Tweed cap and reading a book. "Ah, yer awake, Lad", he said, "I'm Billy Burnet". Billy Burnet, Hawick Scotland 1943
He wasn't at all what I expected to see. He looked no older than my father and he had a long grey beard, small round spectacles. His eyes were set very close together and his nose was fairly long and pointed. He was wearing a brown suit with a vest and I noticed that he had a gold watch fob much the same as my grandfather's. It was almost like looking 10 years back to the last day I saw grandfather's watch as he lay there in his coffin. "Hello Mr. Burnet, I'm James MacGregor." He put his glasses in their case and put them in his suit pocket and said, "Aye, I ken, Miss MacKenzie stopped by and told me ye were here. Everyone in the hospital and many in toon have been talkin' of ye. Verra strange yer plane crashin' in Hawick. Ye must hae been way off course tae come doon here. So tell me aboot Arthur. It's been nigh on a year since I had word." "Oh, yes, my Dad. Well they are in California now, you know. They left Ohio with a truckload of household belongings about three years back now." "Aye, and what of Hilda. She was such a bonnie lass ye ken. 'Tis been almost twenty years since seein' the both of them." I wondered if he had heard that my mother and father had almost divorced over going to California. "She's doing very well. They bought a home not too far from downtown Hollywood and both seem quite happy now. Mom, recovered fully from her hysterectomy and Dad is in good health as well." "When ye get well, ye must come tae the hoose. My daughter Annaliese is aboot yer age and asked if she might come and visit wi' ye." "That would be wonderful, Mr. Burnet. The days pass very slowly here and it would be nice to meet her. There's not much I can do but talk. I can't put my mind to book reading even though they have plenty of magazines and such here." "Well, it's done then, lad. I'll tell her tonicht and she will be here the 'morn." We talked for well on an hour before he had to be off to the School and promised to stop in on me again. Somehow, I drew comfort both from the conversation with Mr. Burnet and being in my parents' home town. I didn't feel they were thousands of miles away. Billy Burnet had no sooner gone than Gillian MacKenzie was there with a tray of fixings to shave me. She began by tying a fluffy white towel around my neck and then proceeded to lather my face with a brush. At one point, she came so close to me that I could smell the fresh fragrance of her. It had seemed an eternity that a woman had been so close to me. I wanted to ask her about some writing paper and pen but it would have to wait until she was done with this. "Are ye ready fer me tae take the hair off yer face noo?" She was sitting alongside me on the bed now and all I could manage was a very weak "Yes, I am." Gillian began shaving me with the expertise of a professional. I could tell she had done this job many times before, as she deftly scraped the razor over my face; first on one side, then the chin and then the other. She tilted my head up and did my neck and when she was all done and had wiped my face clean, she said, "Weel noo Jamie, let's see ye lad." She put her fingers under my chin and turned my face directly straight on and looked into my eyes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Gillian was determined not to look away. His features were overwhelming, she thought. He had deep blue eyes that seemed to have locked onto hers and though it was only a moment, she felt the sudden urge to look at the rest of him. Very quickly she let her eyes look at his lips, his black wavy hair, his dimpled chin and back to his blue eyes again. "Aye lad, a fine lookin man ye are noo with the whiskers all gone." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This was another new experience for James. While Gillian had managed to sponge bathe him, he had never been shaved.....not even by a barber. He was more than excited to have her fussing over him and the closeness of her was almost more than he could stand. As she stretched to get to his face, he could feel her body touching him. She was so beautiful up close and had such a wonderful vibrant look about her. When she took his chin and turned his face, he had a very strong feeling that she was experiencing the same emotions as he was. As he watched her eyes darting about his face he said in his best attempt at a Scottish brogue, "Aye Lass, and a fine looking woman you are too," and with that, Gillian stood up and, smiling, gathered the shaving gear and removed the towel from around his neck. "Nurse MacKenzie, do you think that it would be possible to get a pen and paper so that I can write home?" "Well noo, I think that could be arranged providin' yer no' sae formal, lad. Ma name's Gillian. I'll be wi' ye at least a month and I'll be callin' ye Jamie if ye dinna mind." Mind, I thought to myself, thrilled would be more like it. She looked absolutely beautiful today and if she came that close to me again........well, what could I do but look at her. She couldn't help but know that she was a very pretty woman. One look in the mirror would tell her that. I watched as she poured fresh water out of the pitcher and into my glass. She had this way with her eyes......a fast look at me and then away and back again followed by the little curl of her lip as she smiled. "Gillian, that's a lovely name. I've never heard it in America before. I need to write home awfully bad. My Mother worries about me a lot and as you know, the only thing I own at the moment is this gown you have me dressed in." "Aye, thats all the clothes ye'll be needin fer a while noo." She laughed sweetly and said, "I'll do my best for ye, lad, but supplies are limited. Yet I suppose pen and paper willna break the bank, noo would it?" She was feeling better today and was happy to see that Jamie was in fine spirits as well. They say that laughter is the best medicine, and although there is no physical evidence to prove that such is true, Gillian thought it couldn't hurt to smile and laugh to lift the lad's spirits. All of a sudden James's eyes took on a look of great sadness. Concerned, she asked, "What is it, lad? What makes ye so sad?" He struggled with his emotions as he spoke. "I know the rest of the men from my aircraft are dead and it is very painful for me. I don't even remember what happened." Gillian realized that she had made a mistake by not telling him what had happened, but she honestly felt that he wasn't strong enough yet to handle the news. However, it slowly dawned on her that he needed to know. "I'm sorry for keepin' the news from ye, but I didna think ye were strong enough yet. Not all the men perished. There is one other that survived. He is in a serious condition, though. I didna want tae tell ye anythin' aboot him until I kent that he was goin' tae make it. His name is Jack Hetrick." She grabbed his hand and looked at him with regret in her eyes, "Do ye think ye can forgive me, lad?" "Jack Hetrick, Christ Sakes, Jack's alive? Where is he, Gillian?" "Well noo, he's in a special room at the other end of the hospital and he's verra bad off still." Jack was from Texas and was a real cowboy. I had met him at radio school and we had been together ever since. "Can I see him?" "Yer in nae condition to move aboot today lad. Ye can hardly sit up tae eat just noo. Maybe after a day or so, ye can. Besides, Mr.Hetrick is still verra sick and he wouldna ken ye were there." "Gillian I could kiss you right now. You’ve made me so happy with the news of Jack." Gillian looked at me and her lip curled in a slight smile. I hadn't meant to blurt out that part about kissing her; however, the thought of it was rather intriguing. I looked up into her eyes and they seemed to be smiling down at me. She was still holding my hand in hers and I felt her give me a slight squeeze. I thought I detected a slight blush as she said, "I'll be back shortly with the pen and paper." I watched as she walked away. It had seemed an eternity since I had thought about a woman; let alone being with a woman. I wondered if Gillian might like me enough to have me over to her house when I got better. I knew so little about her and yet she seemed so nice. Maybe we could go up on Miller's Knowes. My father and mother told me of how nice it was there, far above the town. In a few minutes, Gillian was back with a pad, pen, and clipboard. "Here ye are, Lad". Before she could leave, I said, "What’s it like up on Miller's Knowes?" "Well, for someone from America, ye seem tae ken a lot aboot Hawick. It is far oop on the hill, quite beautiful oop there. Ye can see most of the toon. I often go there just to lay in the tall grass and look up at the sky and dream of far off places like America and Canada. I would like tae visit there one day but I dinna think I could stay awa' from Scotland too long." End Chapter 3
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Chapter 4
After leaving Jamie to write his letter home, Gillian decided to check in on Jack Hetrick. She was pleased that Jamie wasn't angry at her for withholding the information about Jack Hetrick surviving the plane crash, but she honestly thought it was for the best. She hadn't anticipated Jamie's reaction. To tell the truth, it never occurred to her that Jamie and Jack might be close friends, though thinking it over, she realized that men thrown together in wartime were bound to become close. She was glad of it, though, because she knew that the two men really needed each other now. They were both very badly injured and in a strange place far away from home; although the young Mr. MacGregor seemed to know a lot about Hawick even though he had never lived here. She reached Jack's bedside and saw that he was still unconscious. He had been that way since before he was brought into the hospital due to a serious head injury and now he lay in the bed motionless, his head swathed in bandages. Gillian set her hand on his arm and said softly, "Good day tae ye, Mr. Hetrick. My name is Gillian an' I am here tae tell ye that ye need tae come oot of yer sleep noo. Jamie MacGregor survived the crash wi' ye and he needs ye, Jack. I ken that ye need him as well. We are takin' care of the two of ye as best we can, but we need ye tae be helpin' us noo. Fight it, Jack! I ken ye can beat it." She wasn't sure if he could hear her, but she squeezed his arm and decided to keep talking to him. Giving him words of encouragement. "Ye are such a brave lad and ye have so much life ahead o' ye. Ye look like a smart and interesting young man and I think I would like tae talk wi' ye, lad, when ye decide tae wake up. Och noo, ye've come this far already. Come back tae us, Jack. Jamie's waitin' tae see ye." She stayed with him for a few minutes more. She would have to get back to her ward shortly. She looked down at his tender young face and sent up a silent prayer for his swift recovery. She would come back at her next break and check on him again, hoping there would be some improvement in his condition. She really hoped that Jack would wake up soon so that he could be reunited with Jamie. Jamie. The thought of him made her smile. Such a warm and tender young man; so handsome too. She liked him the first time she saw him. When she returned to her ward, she looked across the room to Jamie's bed and saw that he had fallen asleep with the pen still in his hand. She went over to his bedside and gingerly took the pen and clipboard away from him to place them on the bedside table. She was almost tempted to read the letter he started to see if he had written home about her. She doubted that he did, but she was curious anyway. As she flipped the clipboard over she was overcome by guilt and was instantly ashamed that she would consider invading someone's privacy. So, she quickly placed the letter and pen on the bedside table and turned to go back to her duties. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I didn't know whether to write to my Mom or Evelyn first. It was hard to believe that I had been in Great Britain less than three months and so much had happened to me in such a short time. In fact it was even harder to believe that a year had gone by since getting drafted. I thought I had been lucky to be placed in the army air force at first but with all that had happened I wasn't so sure. Then again with all the doggies on the ground, maybe it wasn’t so bad after all. --------------------------------------------------------- Dear Mom and Dad, All is well with me. I can't tell you where I am because they told us not to give any information out about locations or how many are in our group. This secrecy is so hard, I know, but I think you will know where I am when I tell you that I got a visit from Billy Burnet yesterday. Now, don't panic. I am in the hospital therel. I can't tell you much about it, as I said, but please believe me when I say I'm okay. Billy Burnet and I had a nice long talk and he will be back to visit with me soon. He sends his best regards and looks forward to hearing from you soon. He wasn't at all like I expected him to be. He is the Headmaster at the High School now. I hope to be able to get about the "Grey Auld Toon" very soon now. I broke my leg and some ribs but it is all going to heal nicely, so they say. So don't worry, I'm fine. I have met a very nice young lady here. Her name is Gillian MacKenzie. She is a nurse at the hospital and she is taking very good care of me. She is quite pretty too. I was asking her about Millers Knowes as you had mentioned it so often. I think she will take me up there once my leg gets out of the cast and I am able to get about again. I can hardly wait to get down the hill to the High Street and look around. I don't know how long I will be here. At least a couple of months anyway. My address is still the same, APO 3852564, N.Y., N.Y. I don't know when the mail will catch up with me. I hadn't thought to ask but you could put a note to me in with a letter to Mr. Burnet and I may get it quicker that way. All my love, Your son James Well, now to tackle the other letter. -------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Evelyn I miss home so very much. I can't tell you where I am as they said we should not put any information in letters as to our whereabouts. "Loose Lips Sink Ships" they said. I can't begin to tell you how much I miss you. I wish we were sitting at the kitchen table right now just talking and having coffee. The only thing I can tell you is that I broke my leg and it is still in a cast. I'm OK though, so don't worry. It is healing nicely and I'll be up and around in no time. I would imagine that work there is much more plentiful with the war on and such. All I can think about is coming home. I'm sure that it will be a long while before that happens. If you have any trouble with the cars, go up and see Glen. I know he will still be there, having the bum leg that he does.... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ just how long that would be was something that I thought of very often. Well, I had plenty of time to think now, lying in bed watching the world go by. As I sat back against the pillows with the pad in my hand, I felt very sleepy and found my eyelids were getting very heavy. When I awoke, the pad and pen were up on the stand. I wondered if Gillian was still here. I wasn't sure of the time, not dark outside yet though, so she might well be here. She had been so nice to me. My thoughts then turned to Jack. He was a bit worse off than me but I was sure he would be OK. If God had wanted to take him, he had the chance to do it already. As I lay there thinking, Gillian came into the ward. "I have good news for ye, Jamie!" exclaimed Gillian . "Ye have been given the liberty tae raise yer carcass up an' oot of that bed! I am here tae help ye do it lad!" She smiled brightly at him and laughed when she saw Jamie's look of confusion as he looked from his cast to her face. "Walk? Isn't it rather soon to take the cast off, Miss MacKenzie?" I knew that if I called her Miss MacKenzie, she would probably say something about it. She didn't have a ring but she could well be a Mrs. to some lucky guy in Hawick. "Please call me Gillian, ye sweet lad! And no, the cast wilna come off fer some time yet. That disnae mean that ye canna be up and about, though." At this James smiled and asked, "And you are here to help me, would this be considered grunt work or job satisfaction?" She laughed and said, "I dinna ken the meanin' of grunt work, but I'll have ye know that I volunteered fer this assignment. So, if ye are askin' aboot satisfaction, then ye should ken that I shall be verra satisfied, indeed, tae see ye at yer full height an tae be the one tae help ye propel yerself aboot." Her enthusiasm was contagious! James was greatly amused by this and was in just the right mood to play along. "Weel noo, ye wee lass," he started while mimicking her accent, "what incentive do ye have that will urge this carcass to propel himself aboot? After all, ye have been takin' such good care of me since my arrival that I have become accustomed to bein' a slave tae yer services." Gillian, while feigning mock surprise, replied with "Ye want incentive do ye? Slave tae my services, is it? Ye are a feisty one, aren't ye! Did I think fer one second that' ye were at all serious, I would put yer other leg in a cast, ye wee scoundrel! As it is, how would a seat by the windae suit ye?" James liked seeing this playful side of her and couldn't help but to share in her good humor. "Tell me first, how are you to help me to, as you put it, propel my carcass about?" "Well, it'll no' be right away. Ye have tae understand ye've been in that bed, virtually flat on yer back for some time now. If ye get up sudden like ye'll go all dizzy an' end up flat on yer back on the floor. So, for the first couple o' days, ye will be sittin' in the chair. Then if ye are alright after that, we get ye a pair o' crutches. A bit o' practice an' yer away!" "Why nurse Gillian, I do believe you have just offered me the incentive I was looking to find. Do you think that you can handle me?" "Ye needna be afraid for I am stronger than my stature would have ye believe. Noo, give me yer hand, lad, and let's begin this adventure!" She held out her hand, smiled sweetly and wiggled her fingers in invitation. The thought of getting out of bed and on my feet had been on my mind for several days now. The pain in my chest was still there but more bearable now than it had been and I was very excited about getting to the window, but not without some trepidation. So far my only view of Hawick had been looking up at the ceiling, the fan and back and forth down the long row of beds. I slowly edged my body to the side of the bed, being careful of my leg, which felt very heavy, covered from knee to foot with plaster of paris. I carefully sat up on the edge of the bed and felt quite dizzy. I waited a few minutes, until my body got used again to being in the vertical position. Gillian stood patiently by my side, waiting for me to steady myself. I felt slightly scared at first but the feel of Gillian's shoulder under my arm and her arm round my waist soon had me thinking different thoughts and I gingerly stood up. It was so gratifying just to hear her speak and here I was now with my hand on her shoulder with her soft words of encouragement in my ear. She felt very soft to the touch and I wondered if I dare a slight squeeze. I thought better of it and so we slowly moved toward the chair with me hopping clumsily and her steadying hand guiding me until I sat heavily, but gratefully into the wicker chair by the window. I felt exhausted by that small effort, but glad I had done it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ She liked that he seemed happy at the idea of him having to hold her to keep himself upright. In all honesty, she wanted to feel his arms about her and that was why she volunteered to be the one to get him out of bed. After struggling to his feet, she immediately put herself under his arm and grabbed hold of him while he found his balance. She was surprised to find that Jamie was almost a foot taller than her five foot three. Once his balance had been set, the two very slowly started to shuffle and hop to the window. Gillian praised him repeatedly with "That's good, Jamie!" "Now yoo've got it!" until they reached their destination. Once reaching the window and getting Jamie seated, Gillian was so exhilarated and happy for him. "Weel done, lad! We'll rest up a bit here before we put ye back tae bed." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was a little hard getting down into the chair but once seated, I felt much better about the short journey from the bed to the chair. As I looked up at her, she had that little curl at the corners of her lips. Her face was a little flushed but she looked so beautiful just now. I finally managed to say, "Thank you for being so kind to me. One of these days I won't be so restricted and I will be obliged to return the favor." "Weel then lad, best ye get yerself healed first", as she left me there to look out the window. The hospital was on the high ground overlooking Volunteer Park. They played Rugby there and right next to it was the Cricket Pitch, all of this as described to my by my Father. With the war on, I wondered if there were enough men left in Hawick to play any of these games now. Everything was such a beautiful green outside, no sign of war out there, just the immense green lawns, beautiful flowers, and all sorts of trees everywhere. I don't know what I expected to see, tanks, jeeps, soldiers? There were a good number of men here in the hospital but not too many in uniforms. I got the impression that most of them had been brought here to recover, more on the order of a rest home than a hospital. There was only the one doctor and all these patients, some with missing arms and others with legs amputated. I would have to ask Gillian about the others. In any event, outside it looked as though I had come down in a neutral zone where the war seemingly didn't exist except for the wounded like me. They must be sending the wounded soldiers to hospitals throughout Great Britain, I thought. I felt as though I had lived in this town. It was a weird feeling that I was looking down the hill at a town that I knew only from my father's talking of it so often. It would not be too long before I would be up and about, but how long would I be here after I was well enough to walk? I wondered how long it would be before the army caught up with me. I was most anxious to walk down to the High Street and visit the Hawick News. Billy Burnet had been sending my father the paper as far back as I could remember. It would be nice to see Wilson&Glenny too. And what about Gillian. She had such a lovely face and her eyes seemed to take in everything as they danced about. I wondered about her hair as it was always tucked up underneath her white cap. It appeared to be an auburn color, almost a mahogany I thought and I remembered seeing a few reddish wisps under her cap. As I sat there looking out the window, the sun was overtaken by fog that seemed to slide in and replace the warm rays. I hadn't been in Great Britain long but the sun never seemed to stay out the whole day as it did back home. I hadn't been in Hawick long either and already I had my eyes on another woman, Gillian MacKenzie. Jesus, what was it I needed, a flock of women? It was bad enough I had Peggy and Evelyn to think about let alone adding another. As I sat there and pondered over my problems, I noticed a woman headed my way. "Hello James, my name is Annaliese but everyone calls me Anna. Billy Burnet is my faither." Annaliese Burnet
She extended her hand to me and as we shook hands with each other, I couldn't help but think that Hawick had its share of pretty women. She was strikingly attractive with her wide brimmed hat and long curly locks. I invited her to pull up a chair. The wicker chairs were quite light and she managed to slide one over as she seated herself facing me. "Hello Anna, so nice to meet you. Your dad told me you would be over. I'm so glad that you came as the days seem to drag along so. I never heard my Father mention you, just your Dad. I can remember all the way back to when I was 6 years old and the paper coming from your Dad in Hawick all the years of my life. It was always folded the same way down to about the size of a letter and neatly tied with a heavy string." "Really? I was the one that took most o' those little packets doon tae the Post. Da was always sure tae have me take it on Monday efter the week end." "I was always fascinated with the stamps on them. They were so much different than ours and I used to pull them off and save them.” "So, how are ye gettin' on? It must hae been an awful experience for ye with the plane crashin' and all. Da took me out to the hillside where ye came doon and there was no much left but the tail and the engines strewn aboot." As she was talking, I couldn't help but notice the brogue being a little different than Gillian and the others; sort of softer, somehow. Besides being a very attractive person, she had a lovely voice and when she smiled, the most beautiful white teeth I had ever seen. I wondered how old she was, perhaps 25-26. By this time, I was beginning to understand all the words that had been spoken in this tongue that was so different from my own. "Oh, I'm doing o.k. I feel so bad about the rest of the crew but two of us made it and I guess we have the tail of the plane to thank for that. From what you’ve told me, that’s the only part that didn't break up. I have no idea what my friend Hetrick was doing back in the tail section. He should have been up forward in the waist gunner opening. I think I will be able to see him soon and find out what he remembers of the crash. He's still quite ill, of course, but I hope we'll talk soon." "Da says tae have ye over for supper once ye get well enough tae move aboot. Do ye have anythin' special ye would like me tae cook, James?" "Well, since you asked and the food here in the hospital is not all that great, do you know how to make Yorkshire Pudding?" "Aye, Yorkshire Pudding is one o' my specialties. How aboot a leg of lamb thrown in for good measure wi' some nice roast potatoes an' gravy?" "You are making my mouth water just at the thought of it. Anna, it’s been a very long while since I had just such a meal. I can hardly wait. My Mom used to make it all the time." Just then, Gillian came over with some pills and a glass of water for me. "Here ye are, Jamie, take these doon now. Hello Anna, how are ye? I havna seen ye in a long time noo. Are ye back tae stay or do ye have more studyin 'tae get back tae?" "Hello Gillian, I'm home for the whole summer and then it's back tae the University in Edinburgh for one mair year. Ye look well, Gillian. This hospital work must agree wi' ye." "Aye, it does. I'm so glad I took the nurses trainin' otherwise I wouldna hae the opportunity tae tend the likes o' this handsome man sittin' next tae ye. James has told me that yer Da and his are friends from away back." The three of us chatted for a while and then Gillian excused herself and went back to her work. Anna said that she also had some errands to run and would stop in and see me again. Once more she promised to fix a grand meal for me after I was able to get up and around by myself. Hawick must be an awfully small place as everyone seemed to know the others by first name. Annaliese, what a beautiful name I thought. I was certain that I would go there for dinner as soon as I could walk again. My thoughts were soon interrupted by a man who walked up to me and said, "Hello, would you be James MacGregor?" He was a short man probably in his sixties, a round pudgy face in spite of his lean body, grey business suit, and a flat cap to match. His face was very ruddy and he had a pleasant smile. "Yes, I'm James MacGregor", as I extended my hand out to greet him. He had a firm solid grip and in a moment, he pulled up a chair. He said, "I'm JR Robertson. I teach at Henderson School part time and write for the Hawick News. Billy Burnet told me ye were here. I am a friend of yer faither too, but only by mail."
JR Robertson, Hawick Scotland 1943
I had never heard my father mention a JR Robertson before and wondered why as my father was not one to leave out anyone in Hawick that he could talk about, not even the local band that played at so many festivities. "My father never spoke of you," I said, hoping not to sound rude. "Aye, it’s only been a few years that yer faither and I have corresponded. He writes quite often tae the editor of the News, ye see, and it all ends up on my desk. He has some verra stong opinions aboot many things." "That would be my father", I said, smiling at this stranger. He seemed to know my dad, anyway. "Well, I have come tae do a story aboot ye, lad. I thought ye might tell us aboot yersel' and we could manage somethin' in the News that the Hawick folks could relate to. It is quite an event, yer plane crashing just north of Teviot and you and the other young lad being the only survivours and yer faither livin here and all." As we sat and talked, I could see that Gillian was having a conversation with Nurse Murray and I got the feeling that it had something to do with JR Robertson as they both kept looking our way. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Gillian, that young patient of yours seems tae be the popular one, aye?" said Nurse Murray as Gillian approached. "What wi' Billy Burnet, then Anna, and noo JR Robertson visitin'. He's no' from aroond here, I ken that." "No, he is from America. His father was born here, though. Spent a good many years here before movin' on. The lad says his father told him so much aboot Hawick that it almost feels like home." "Och, I thought there was a good reason fer it. So, these gentleman are friends of his father, then, and Anna, I wonder what brings her here? He is definitely a bonny lookin' laddie noo, isn't he? Have ye noticed how he seems tae look right through ye with those big blue eyes o' his? And that dark wavy hair. It's nae wonder ye spend so much time tendin' tae his needs. I watched ye the other day shavin' the lad......do ye ken if he's got a girl back home, Gillian? I'd be willin' tae wager ten pounds that he's nae a virgin. Ye'd better watch yerself." Gillian hadn't really thought about it. In fact, the realization caught her off guard. He hadn't mentioned having a girl back home, but that didn't mean that he didn't have one. Then again, it was highly unlikely that such a handsome man would not have a girlfriend. She wondered about his age as well. He seemed to be a year or so younger than her 23 years. "Why, Laura? Are ye plannin' on seducin' him then?" Gillian teased. She didn't want to let anyone know that she had feelings for the young man, especially if she stood no chance in catching his heart. And besides, patient nurse relationships were frowned upon, even in wartime. At the same time, the thought of someone else being after him didn't please her, especially Laura or Anna. Gillian always felt so intimidated by Laura's looks, what with her own freckles and ugly nose. She needed to know Laura's intentions. "Not me, you, lass! I see the way ye look at him. You're smitten!" Laura chided with a laugh. "An' how do I look at him?" Gillian asked, truly shocked that she had been caught. It wasn't that obvious, surely. "A woman gets a look aboot her when she takes a likin' tae a man. It takes another woman tae see it,. Do ye need me tae find oot if he as a girl?" "No, don't be daft." She was beginning to feel embarrassed and became conscious of a hot red flush creeping up her neck and face. Then as Laura looked at her with a knowing smile, Gillian felt herself give in. She wasn't very good at hiding her feelings anyway. Why try to deny them, then. She knew Laura could read her face and admitted defeat. She looked Laura straight in the eye and smiled back and said, "I can do it myself." The Cottage Hospital Hawick Scotland 1943
End Chapter 4
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Chapter 5
As she made her way down the row of beds, Gillian could see that Mr. Robertson was still talking to Jamie. He had been here nearly an hour now. It was time for Jamie to be getting back to bed, as supper would soon be along and she didn't want Jamie to be overtired, either. As she approached, Mr. Robertson was just getting to his feet and she smiled at him and said, "Well Hello Mr. Robertson, yer just in time tae help me get this hulk o' a man on his feet so that I can get him back intae his bed." JR wheeled about and said, "Hello, Miss MacKenzie. What would ye have me be doin' then? Anythin' tae help a busy wee lassie." "Just grab under his other arm like this and we can lift him up oot o' this chair and help him tae the side of the bed." Gillian showed Mr. Robertson where to place his arm in Jamie's armpits to get the best purchase and supply the most support. I could offer little help as pressing down with my arms still caused pain in my chest from the broken ribs, but in a few seconds the two of them had me on my feet and I was able to hop over, if somewhat painfully, to the bed with the two of them at my side. Once we reached the bed and my backside was safely deposited on top, Mr. Robertson bid the two of us goodbye and promised to return within the week. Gillian was very good at handling me, even though I was a good head taller than she was, and she was stronger than she looked. She had my legs swung onto the bed and the covers back over me in less than a minute, despite the heavy weight of the cast. "There noo, how was yer first day oop?" She was awfully close to me again as she tidied up the last of the covers and fluffed up my pillows and I could feel the strange sensation in my belly this caused as I watched her going about her work. "It felt good. I can't wait to start moving around again.” I looked directly at her and studied her face; the long line of the nose, those pools of a strange blue-green that were her eyes, the corners of her mouth turning up, looking like she had some deep dark secret hidden inside. She caught me staring at her and her eyes fixed on mine for a brief moment before they went to the bedside table where the two letters were still laying. "Are ye finished wi' writin' the letters? They've been there a whole day noo, lad." I had finished the letter to Evelyn but I needed envelopes and stamps. It was frustrating being stuck here without my clothes, money, shoes. I had given no thought to any of those things until the need came for stamps. "Where are my clothes, my wallet and things? I have money to buy stamps in my wallet." "Nonsense, the only thing ye have need for is rest and gettin' healed. When ye came in here the nicht of the crash, yer clothes were half torn off ye and what wasn't, was cut off by the doctor tendin' ye. I'll see to the letters, if ye like." I tried to remember what I was wearing the night we got hit. Flight suit, heated cold weather gear, heated boots, flight jacket and yes, I remembered now, my wallet and all the rest of my belongings were still in a locker in England. They had warned us not to take any personal belongings on bombing missions just in case we had to ditch over Germany and we could be identified, if captured. Well, there was nothing I could do about that now. "The letters? Yes, I need two envelopes and two stamps." "Och, is that all ye need? I'll be right back." I watched as she turned and walked away from me and noticed that she not only had a pretty face but a fine body as well. I was still thinking of the closeness of her as she helped me into bed as she returned with two envelopes with the stamps already on them. "Here ye are lad, now address them and I'll see that they get posted." She handed me the pad and the two letters and fussed about with the items on the bedside table while I picked up the pen and started writing on the envelopes. I had no problem with the letter to my folks but I wondered about addressing the letter to Evelyn and ended up with Mrs. Evelyn McCurdy, 120 Poland Avenue, Struthers, Ohio, USA. "Are ye done already then?" as I handed her the letters. Before she could get away, I took her hand and said, "I want to thank you again for all the things you have done for me. I feel so helpless stuck in here, but you make it bearable. I appreciate it very much." Her hand felt so good in mine that I didn't want to let go. It was the same feeling I had when I first woke up, only now it was not fear that she would disappear, it was in anticipation of what might happen in the days to come. Her left hand was very soft and delicate and of course, I couldn't help noticing the obvious absence of any rings on either hand. I had this foolish feeling that she was somehow attracted to me and I wondered what I might do to find out. "Mrs. Evelyn McCurdy." said Gillian aloud. "I wonder who she is? Obviously she is somewhat special if he is writin' a letter to her. She's marrit, though." Gillian was closely inspecting the letter before she dropped it in the mail box. "Och, Gillian! Shame on ye! Ye're inspectin' the man's letters and fer no good reason at all. Yer actin' like a wee school girl and no like the woman ye are." After this moment of self-reprimand, Gillian dropped the letters in the box and continued her walk home. Why was she so curious about this Mrs. McCurdy? Most likely she was a close friend of his family or possibly one of James's school teachers. Maybe she was the mother of one of his close friends that died in the crash. There could be numerous explanations as to who this woman was. At that she decided not to think about it any more. Anyway, it was none of her business. What was she really concerned about anyway? If he was writing a letter to a sweetheart, he wouldn't address it so formally, would he? This reasoning made her feel better. Besides, Jamie didn't look at her as if he had a girl back home. Then again, maybe she was just imagining things. Maybe he wasn't interested in her at all. Well, she would just have to wait and see. "God!" she thought to herself, "what am I doin', carryin' on like a lovestruck schoolgirl." She shook her head and walked on. The following day, she decided to check in on Jack Hetrick. When she arrived at his bedside she discovered that the young man had also come out of his coma. "Well hello, Mr. Hetrick! It's sae good tae see ye awake at last!" Gillian said with a smile. She was very happy to see that he was conscious. She knew that Jamie would be very happy as well to hear his friend was on the road to recovery. Jack had never seen Gillian before but the voice sounded familiar. As he was looking at her, wondering why, Gillian sat down in the chair beside the bed and said, "I'm Nurse MacKenzie but ye can call me Gillian." "Gillian. What a pretty name. You can call me Jack. It's a pleasure to meet you." Jack started to hold out his hand to shake hers, but the movement brought on a jolt of pain that he wasn't prepared for. Gillian saw him wince and struggle and reached out and placed her hand over his. "There noo. I wouldna move any mair than ye have tae. Ye've been in a terrible accident and ye were badly hurt." Gillian gave a slight squeeze to his hand and continued with "I do appreciate your gallant effort, though. I am glad tae see ye trying tae move. It's a good sign, Jack. Yer no as badly damaged as we feared." "Can you tell me what happened? When I woke up a little while ago, my head hurt something awful and the other nurses were fussing about me so much that I didn't think to ask them. Where am I?" She wondered if it was a good idea to tell him everything given his weak state, but then she remembered her mistake with Jamie. So, she grabbed his hand again and said very gently, "Ye are in a hospital in Hawick, Scotland. Yer plane crashed and ye sustained a lot of injuries. In fact, we weren't sure if ye were goin' tae come back tae us, Jack. Aboot two-thirds of yer body is bruised tae the bone and ye banged yer head fairly hard. Ye have a couple of broken ribs, as well. Ye've been unconscious for almost 4 days noo." Jack just looked at her and calmly took it all in. "Did anyone else survive? Am I the only one?" he asked quietly. Gillian had been dreading this question but had resolved herself to answering it when she decided to tell him what happened. "I'm so sorry, Jack. Most of the men died in the crash. There is one other survivor though. He has been praying sae hard fer ye and I see that it has done ye some good. Yer friend Jamie MacGregor also received some heavy damage and is recovering in a ward on the other side of the hospital. Jack's face brightened and a huge smile spread across his face. "MacGregor is alive? What wonderful news! He is going to make it, isn't he?" "Och, aye!" she exclaimed. "Young Mr. MacGregor has made some wonderful progress. In fact, just yesterday we got him oot of bed and gave him some exercise. His leg is broken and in a cast and he's got some broken ribs too, but yesterday, with some help, he was able tae hobble over tae the window where he sat fer a wee while. He asks aboot ye often. He will be sae glad tae know ye are awake and makin'good progress yerself." "You must tell him hello for me and also that I thank him for praying for me. Your voice sounds familiar to me, Gillian. Have we met before?" Gillian smiled and said, "Weel, no formally. I introduced myself while ye were still unconscious." "You did? Well, please forgive my silence, then. I am normally not so rude." This made Gillian laugh and upon seeing it, Jack laughed, too. "Weel noo. Ye've a fine sense of humor. That is good tae see, Jack!" The smile on her face slowly faded. "I should be gettin' back tae work noo, she continued, "but I will give yer message tae James. He is goin' ta be sae happy!" Jack smiled and said, "Will you come back to visit me? Also, do you think that either James or myself might be able to visit each other soon?" "Weel, it may take a couple of days before either one of ye is well enough to visit, but I will come back tae see ye before then." "Good enough, and thank you for looking out for me." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The following morning I awoke to find that Gillian was nowhere about and Nurse Murray was taking care of the morning breakfast, with the help of an orderly, both of them handing out the trays to each bed's occupant. It wasn't long before she got to me and as she was getting the tray positioned on the table, I asked, "Nurse Murray, where is Gillian today?" "Och, tis her day off, lad", came the reply. "They do let us oot of here one day a week, ye know." It was selfish of me to think that she would be here seven days a week to take care of me. After all, this was a job for her, war or not. And I wasn't her only patient. "She'll be back tomorrow then?" "Aye, lad, are you wantin' her for somethin'?" she said as she looked at me with one eyebrow raised and I could swear I could see a twinkle in her eye. How could I tell her what I wanted to know without seeming too obvious? I had to think of something and in a hurry as she would soon be on her way to tend the others. "Nothing that can't wait until tomorrow. She’s been so nice to me since I’ve been here and I was just wondering if she.........if she is........if she has a boyfriend here in Hawick?" God, what a stupid thing to ask. I knew the minute I said it that I had made a mistake. "Well noo", she said, with a knowing smile, "I think she is a wee bit taken up wi' ye laddie if ye want the truth of the matter." I looked at her rather startled. I had not expected such a sudden revelation and the thought came to me that they actually were discussing me the other day. A wee bit taken up with me; what the hell had they been saying to one another? I was beginning to feel rather uncomfortable. "What makes you say that, nurse Murray?" "Well noo, it doesna take a lot of brains tae see the way she fusses over ye like she does. Aye, lad, shes like a bird in the breeze flittin' aboot since ye got here. Now, eat up yer breakfast," she said changing the subject," and we'll get ye goin' on the crutches." Before I could say another word, nurse Murray was off up the ward with the food cart and laying out trays onto tables for the other patients. Well, it may have been a stupid thing to ask but it got the answer that I was looking for. So Gillian MacKenzie was attracted to me and me to her for that matter. I thought it very strange that out of all these guys in here that she liked me. Sure enough, after the breakfast trays were gathered up and cleared away from the ward, Nurse Murray came bustling up to my bed, carrying a pair of wooden crutches with a determined look on her face. "Right, lad, here ye are. Now let's get ye up an' standin'." The nurse whisked the sheets off my body and deftly swung both my legs over the side of the bed, despite the heavy weight of the plaster cast. "Noo, take yer time, lad." I slowly raised myself up to stand and the crutches were placed under my arms. I dutifully followed Nurse Murray's instructions; weight on crutches, lift legs and move forward, weight on crutches. Before I knew it, I had gone from one end of the ward and back again. By the time I reached my bed, I felt tired and a bit sore, but ready for anything. Nurse Murray was beaming proudly at me. "There ye are! Nothin' to it, eh? Noo you keep practicin' and ye can go tae the toilet yersel', as long as ye let a nurse ken. We dinna want ye breakin' the other leg, do we?" And with that, the nurse sailed down the ward, leaving me to my new-found freedom. I had just started to eat my lunch of some unidentifiable concoction I thought could be stew when Gillian walked in. I didn't recognize her at first, as she was not in her uniform and her long auburn hair was way down the middle of her back. She was wearing a plaid red and black skirt and a white blouse and white knit stockings up to her knees. She seemed to be glowing with excitement as she came directly over to me. She was much prettier than I realized. It may have been the clothes or the hair but there was something about her this morning that made my heart beat a little faster, it might even have been the knowledge that she liked me. Her eyes seemed to sparkle like diamonds and there seemed to be a radiance about her, almost as if she was bathed in light, but she still had the familiar curl of her lip as she smiled at me. Jesus, she was one beautiful woman. "Good day tae ye”, sang Gillian as she approached his bedside. She had a lively spring in her step as she came closer and stood next to me. "Have ye seen how glorious it is today? Why, it's just heavenly!" she exclaimed, glancing at the window, then back to her patient. James stared at her for a moment before the realization that she had addressed him struck home. "Uh, yes, I can see out the window from here. It is not the same as being out in it, though." Upon hearing this, Gillian beamed. "Weel, we shall see what we can do aboot that noo. Do ye feel like walkin', lad?" It was her day off and usually she spent her free time reading a book, running errands, or just basically catching up with day to day life. Today, however, she couldn't get her young patient out of her mind and before she knew it, she found herself walking automatically towards the hospital, but not to work. She had decided to try to get James outside for a while, if he thought he could handle it. She wanted to tell him the news about Jack. She couldn't wait to see his face when she told him. And she felt he could do with some fresh air. Being cooped up in the ward was making him look pasty-faced. "You came by to take me walking outside? But it's your day off". He was very happy to see her and even though the words that Nurse Murray spoke to him were very fresh in his mind, he wanted to hear some reassuring words from Gillian herself. Only then would he believe it. "Aye, it's my day off, but I couldna keep this day all to myself. That would be selfish. I thought that perhaps I woold check in on my favorite patient, but if I have come at a bad time..." she started, but he quickly interrupted her. "No, no, no! Not at all. Please." He gave a short laugh, It's not as if I'm going anywhere, is it? I’m happy to see you and I would love to go for a walk with you, Gillian. I can't support myself yet, though, so I will need some assistance." "Weel, that is why I am here." she announced happily. "The fresh air will do us both some good, aye?" Forgetting about his meal, lying in bed really didn't do anything for his appetite, James reached out his hand. "Well, then help me up cause the sunshine awaits!" The Cottage Hospital Main Ward
Gillian helped him with his robe and the one slipper he would need, before giving him the crutches and helping him to stand. He'd had a few opportunities to practice using the crutches before she had arrived, and it hadn't taken him long to get the rhythm needed to move a decent distance. All this practice had helped his body get used to being upright again too. He steadied himself and put his weight on the padded blocks under his arms, gripping the cross struts half-way down with his hands, then gingerly swung his legs forward. The two shuffled their way slowly across the ward until they reached the door at which point Gillian asked, "How are ye doin', lad? Do ye think ye can go a wee bit further, or is this too much fer ye?" His leg hurt very badly, and leaning on the crutches was making his ribs ache, but James wasn't going to pass on this opportunity. "My leg does hurt, but it’s not so bad. I want to continue." Gillian helped him walk towards a bench just outside on the lawn in front of the hospital, then skillfully eased him down on the bench before she ran back into the ward. A minute later, she returned with a low stool. She gently lifted the plaster-encased leg onto the stool and took the seat next to him. I looked around and soaked up the warmth of the sun, taking several deep breaths, relishing in the warm, fragrant air, inhaling the fresh outdoor smells, listening to the birds chirping merrily in the trees nearby. God! It was so good to get outside, even just for a short while. "Ah, Gillian! Thank you so much for stopping by today. I hadn't anticipated being allowed outdoors just yet, but it feels so good, especially with such beautiful company." She was very happy that she stopped by, too, she thought to herself. As he finished speaking she felt a blush creep over her cheeks. "Thank ye. That is kind of ye tae say." She was very nervous. So much so that she couldn't bring herself to look at him. She sat with her hands in her lap, twisting the fabric of her skirt. Her palms were clammy with sweat and her heart was going like a triphammer. She took a deep breath to calm herself. "There is another reason I wanted tae get ye outside. I wanted tae be alone with ye for a while, away from all the goings on in the hospital." She waved her hand absently towards the ward inside. Her voice started to shake and she had to clear her throat before she continued. "That way we can have a chance tae really talk tae each other; withoot interruptions. Since I dinna have tae work today, we can take our time, aye? I hope ye dinna mind." He laughed softly and said, "No, I don't mind a bit. I wanted to spend some time with you, as well." She felt herself blushing again. She suddenly realized what a lovely smile he had; warm and genuine. That smile gave her the courage to tell him about Jack right away so that they would have time afterwards to talk about other things. "I have some good news fer ye, Jack's awake." "He is? Can I see him then?" "No, not yet. I said he is awake noo, no runnin' aboot like you are. A few more days, maybe a week, and I'll take ye doon tae see him. He shouldna be havin' visitors just yet. Give it time, but I promise ye will see him." I knew somehow that he was going to be ok. Jack was a survivor but perhaps a little help from the Man up above didn't hurt either. As we sat there talking about Jack, with Gillian explaining how ill he was, but reassuring me he would be ok, I could see that she was nervous about something as she was fidgeting with her skirt again. I wanted to tell her again how much I appreciated all that she had done for me but I felt that it was more than that. I was attracted to her, plain and simple, and if nurse Murray was right, Gillian also had some feelings for me. We both started to talk at the same time. "Gillian do you,"............ Jamie, I've........... "You first, Gillian" She chuckled a little, with slight embarrassment, I thought, and then looked at me straight on. With the sun shining down through her hair, it seemed more red than auburn and her eyes were darting back and forth; she took in a deep breath. "Jamie, I have something tae tell ye and I'm no good at sayin' it, so best I'll just let it oot lest ye think I'm bletherin'." "What is it Gillian?" "I've taken a likin' tae ye, lad. I can't help my self. Nurse Murray says I'm smitten and I think she is right. It is drivin' me near oot of my mind. I canna stop thinkin' aboot ye, and I ken that I dinna have the right to feel like this but I couldna keep it in me any longer." The words she had just spoken came so quickly that I didn't have time to think. I was immediately filled with surprise at the suddenness with which she blurted this out. My first thought was Evelyn. She sounded exactly like Evelyn; the only difference being the brogue. "You were the first thing I woke up to after the crash. At first I thought you were an angel and that I was dead or dreaming." I smiled at her, thinking she did look like an angel. "Then came the real you. I don't know how to say this, it’s so crazy. When I first looked at you in the daylight, my heart skipped a beat and I wondered if you liked me. Do you remember when I asked you about Millers Knowes? I wondered if you would go up there with me one day. I think what I'm trying to say is that I share the same feelings as you do." "Och, ye do? yer no' just sayin' it so that I willna feel bad?" "No, I'm saying it because it’s true. I have these weird sensations whenever I see your smiling face and it’s much worse when you come close to me. I think that I’m guilty of this smitten thing too." "Oh my, and all this time I thought it was just me." She moved closer to me, her eyes smiling and her lip curling into a smile and she put her hand on my upper arm. There was a long silence as we both sat there in the sunshine and enjoyed the moment. As she returned her hand to her lap, I took my own hand and put it around hers. We sat there for several minutes just holding hands and not looking at each other. Gillian had thought that she would feel better once she told James about her feelings for him. She had prayed that he felt the same way, but after hearing his words, she was surprised to find that she didn't feel better at all; in fact she felt quite unsettled. He was holding her hand and although she enjoyed this contact with him, the knot in her stomach grew tighter. She was confused and afraid to look at him. Och, Gillian, ye wee daftie! she thought to herself. This is what ye wanted, isn't it? Why are ye no happy? Are ye losin' yer mind, girl?! James noticed that she was becoming distant and he grew worried. "Gillian," he said softly "why do you look so worried? You haven't said anything to me for several minutes and I’m beginning to wonder if I've offended you. Have I done the wrong thing?" Gillian gave a small start at this. She had been so lost in her own thoughts that she almost forgot he was there. "No, ye havna offended me, lad." she replied quietly. "I am nae good at sugar coatin' my thoughts so I beg ye tae bear wi' me for a bit." She still couldn't look at him, so she spoke to her knees. Before she could start talking again, James squeezed her hand once more. "I don't want you to sugar coat anything when you speak with me. Just speak straight from your heart. I want nothing but honesty between us. As long as you remain honest with me, I can handle anything you have to say, whatever it is. If you need a couple more minutes to gather your thoughts, please feel free to take them. Patience is a virtue, they say, and God has graced me with a lifetime's supply." She laughed at that and then turned to him to look him full in the face. "I dinna need any more time, ye sweet man." she said with a smile. She grabbed his hand in both of hers, closed her eyes and said silently to herself, ‘Go on, Gillian, talk tae the man.’ At that she opened her eyes, looked into his and said, "Ye said ye think ye have taken a likin' tae me an' I like hearin' that. I thought I would feel better once I kent how ye felt aboot me, but I am surprised to learn that I don't." Jamie was about to speak and, seeing it, Gillian quickly said, "Please let me finish. Ye need tae let me get this oot afore I explode." He laughed at that and said, "Well, I wouldn't want that." She smiled brightly and went on before he could continue. "It's just that I dinna ken much aboot ye, lad. What I mean is, ye may have a girl back home that ye may be wantin' tae get back to. Even if ye don't, ye may be wantin' to go back tae America as soon as ye can. If ye leave, James, and ye have let me fall into this tizzy wi' ye, I dinna think I could bear that. I ken it is unfair to say this but I never want tae live anywhere but in Scotland, an..." After hearing that, James couldn't help himself and he had to interrupt. "Whoa! Hold on Gillian! You are getting way ahead of things here. The war is a long way from over and you have me taking up with you and leaving for home all in the same sentence. We don't know what's ahead, but there isn’t much we can do at the moment but wait and see what happens. I've just told you that I am attracted to you very much. Why is it that you have me rushing off somewhere so quickly?" She looked desperate as she said, "Because, ye are getting better and will soon be released from the hospital and then what? Ye dinna live here, lad, and ye have family back home. I look at ye and I ken that yer days here are no' enough and it hurts me. I canna help it. I ken I am bein daft, Jamie, an' if ye want tae leave I will understand." Almost immediately she became ashamed at her words and she looked away from him. She has always prided herself on being a strong and independent woman and here she was acting like a desperate and dependent little girl. She'd probably scared him off now. She didn't like herself very much at the moment. She was right. I did have a girlfriend back home. I knew that I could never expect her to understand my relationship with Evelyn, her being twice my age and a divorced woman. How could I ever expect her to understand that situation when I didn't understand it thoroughly myself? Peggy also entered my mind. What in God's name could I ever tell her about Peggy that would make any sense. With Gillian, everything felt different. I could end this right here and now but something about Gillian wouldn't let me do this. She was a real angel come here to earth to help me......it was also true that I was falling in love with her. This sparkling wonderful thing that was happening between us was alive like a new flower in spring. I could see that Gillian was visibly upset and it was up to me to take the hurt away and get her back to the lovely happy person that walked out here with me. "Gillian," I said, "I can't lie to you. You’re too wonderful a person for that. I do have a girlfriend back home." She looked up at me with a look that I had never seen from her before but I continued on. I wanted honesty from her; I'd better be honest back. It was only fair. "I would give anything in the world to be back home but the fact is I am not home, I am here in Hawick and I think that I am falling in love with you. It is also true that I may not be here long. I will be back to my job in the Army. You must know how things are. This is a fact, plain and simple." Gillian started to speak but I kept on talking. " I was lucky this time but just as sure as we're sitting here, I'll be back in the tail of another plane with my machine gun pointed out the turret and watching as plane after plane gets hit and falls to the ground in a ball of fire and smoke. It’s only a matter of time until I’m next." "Jamie MacGregor, you must not think like that!!! I can barely make do wi' the fact that ye have a girlfriend back home but the thought of ye been taken away from me afore I've had a chance tae ken ye......maybe even forever..... is more than I can bear. I've nursed ye back to health, lad, and I willna hae ye talkin' such nonsense." It wasn't nonsense I thought to myself. I had been up fifteen times now and 20% didn't come back, many had to bail out over enemy territory and who knows how many were killed. The days that I didn't go, there was the constant waiting for the squadron to return and the counting of heads and those that were gone were replaced with new men and new planes and the next night it was the same thing all over again. We were expendable, that was a fact of war. "Gillian, you have to understand that the war has brought us together and the war may take us apart, but I’m here with you now. This is happening today, Now! We cannot deal with what might happen, so let’s just take those things that we can deal with today. We have time to get to know one another better and no matter what happens tomorrow, or the day after, we’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that we have lived this moment together.......this very treasured moment. Just sitting here with you holding hands is more than I had hoped for." I could see the tears begin to stream down Gillian's face as she spoke. "I want this too but I canna bear the thought of givin' ye up to the war. Also the thought of ye goin' back tae America, I want ye tae stay here, what aboot that? " "I feel as though I belong here in Hawick. My roots are here. Many of my relatives live in Edinburgh and Glasgow. It's not up to me to choose just now as the Army has control of where I go, you know that, but if I’m to love you properly, I can't be in Ohio now, can I?" "This is no just an overnicht thing then, yer taken up wi' me?" I could hear the hope in her voice. "No, it’s not just an overnight affair that I'm looking for. I've realized I want more than that." Gillian took a tissue and wiped her eyes dry. "Och, it makes my heart beat fast tae hear ye say that. Come, lad, tis time tae get ye back inside. The sun is goin' behind the clouds noo and it will be rainin' soon, I think, and we canna have ye catchin' cold." It rained clear through the next day which produced a gloomy atmosphere as rain will often do. Inside the ward, things were quiet. Gillian had been avoiding Jamie all morning and she knew that he noticed. He tried to get her attention a couple of times but she pretended to be busy with routine tasks the ward demanded. When she went home the day before, after her talk with him, she couldn't help but notice that there was something tugging at her mind. As she was walking home while lost in her thoughts, the rain started pouring down and Gillian didn't bother to seek shelter. The conversation she had just had with Jamie kept running through her mind and getting wet was the least of her worries. He said he had a girlfriend back home and even though she was waiting for his return, he said that she, Gillian, was the one he was in love with. But doubts played in her mind. How did she know that he didn't tell his other girlfriend that very same thing? He wants her to lose herself in the moment with him and she just wasn't sure she was capable of that. Thoughts of Tim Graham came rushing back to her and struck like an arrow in her heart. Gillian had fallen madly in love with the handsome Mr. Graham and he left her after professing his love and commitment to her. He had told her that it wasn't her. "It isnae you, Gillian. 'Tis me. I am no' ready fer a commitment an' I ken that I am bein' unfair tae ye, but I canna help it." "Tim, what are ye talkin aboot, ye fool? Ye asked me fer the commitment, remember?" "I ken that, Gillian, an' I am sae sorry fer it. Ye must believe me, lass, fer I never wanted tae hurt ye, I swear it." The memory was so painful that she started to cry. She hadn't seen it coming. She had thought that everything was perfect between them. Good thing it was raining, she thought, because it hid her tears from the passersby. The conversation with Jamie the previous day kept running through Gillian's mind. "He said that he thinks he is falling in love with me and that I may lose him in the war and that I would just have to accept that," she thought to herself," That's why I must give my heart to him." The thought of it terrified her. It seemed to have taken forever to heal from her other heartbreak and she wasn't sure if she should or could risk another one. Could she ever trust another man again. She knew she should talk to him about her thoughts, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it just yet, at least not until she knew how to put them into words. She decided to check on him briefly and say a word or two. She wanted to keep up the illusion of being busy, and anyway, she knew he wouldn't be fooled for long, so she walked swiftly to his beside. "'Tis such a busy day fer me, Jamie. I have the need to leave early today and I am tryin tae get all my work done sae that I can go." She had already fed an excuse to the other nurses about an appointment she had. "Gillian, I..." he started but she interrupted him. "I just came by tae check up on ye. Are ye feelin' well?" she asked as she stuck a thermometer in his mouth. She tried her best to sound distant; if he couldn't speak, she didn't have to lie or think of excuses. Due to the obstruction, of course, James could not speak and after staring at her for a minute, he nodded. What the hell was going on? The hurt look on his face almost made her cry. "Good." she said as she removed the thermometer. "Hopefully I will have more time tae talk wi' ye the morn." She then smiled as best she could, dropped the thermometer into the receptacle on the wall above Jamie's head, and gave his shoulder a squeeze before walking away. She couldn't look him in the eye anymore, because she knew that she would break down and cry. She needed one more night and would talk to him tomorrow. End Chapter 5
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The Letters
I sensed that something was drastically wrong. Gillian had been avoiding me for almost a day now and I was certain it had to do with our conversation about Evelyn. Of course it had to be expected the atmosphere would be strained after all the revelations. God! Things were getting so complicated. Nurse Murray helped me out of bed and over to my favorite spot in the chair by the window. As I settled back into the chair, she said, "Well noo James, is there anythin' ye need?" I felt very depressed and decided to write another letter home, maybe it would take my mind off Gillian for a bit. "Yes, nurse Murray, could you get me the letter writing pad next to my bed, I'd like to write another letter to a friend back home." "Och my!!" she said, slapping her hand on her forehead, "I almost forgot tae bring yer post. That joost reminded me. A package and a bundle of letters came for ye no less than fifteen minutes ago. I'll just be away an' fetch them." She hurried off down the row of beds. I was very excited as the mail service had left a lot to be desired. It had been two weeks here in the hospital and three more prior to that since the last mail. Laura Murray was back with the package and the letters in a matter of minutes. "Here ye are, Laddie", she said. "it just slipped my mind aboot the post," and she handed me a month's worth of letters and the package. "That should keep ye busy wi' the pen for a while." And she was off again down the row of beds in a rustle of starched linen. The package was from my Mother but I was more interested in the bundle of letters. They were tied together with a piece of twine and had been put under a single label marked ROX- Cottage Hospital-Hawick. I wondered about the ROX and then it finally sank in, Roxburgshire. It was the abbreviation for Roxburgshire. I fiddled with the string and finally got it undone and leafed through the six letters to see who they were from. Three from Evelyn, one from Glen, one from Loretta and one from Georgie Munton. I wondered what the hell he wanted but it would have to wait until I had read those from Evelyn. -------------------------------------------------------------- My Dearest Jimmy, The news of the war is so upsetting and I worry about you every moment. I pray every night that you will be kept safe and come home to me once this horrible thing is over. Jimmy, I love you so much and miss you terribly. Every night before I go to sleep, I think of the wonderful moments we had together. I hate having you so far from home and in harms way. Morris and Mike both send their best regards. Mike is getting ready to retire so we may soon see a new butcher in the store. Also, Morris now has his wife working the cash register as he is having a hard time trying to replace Grace. She is now working out in Ravenna. There has been a big increase in the steel mills since you were here last. President Roosevelt even came to Struthers to the Sheet and Tube. People were lined from Stop 14 half way to Youngstown just to see him. I could not go as I had to work but I read about it in the Vindicator. Jimmy, I have to scold you for having that money sent to me. You should not have done that. I know that you love me but we are not married or anything like that. I am going to open up a bank account and keep it safe for you until you return. My Mother is still doing well. I was out to Massillon to see her last week. All the rain made the driving miserable as the windshield wipers almost quit whenever I go up a hill. The car has been running extremely well other than that and I hope that it continues. I'm so glad the warmer weather is finally here as the furnace was such a chore for me. So many things on my mind........I wish you were here with me. Jimmy, I miss you so much. I love you darling. I will write as often as I can. I look forward to your letters. Please take care of yourself. I love you. Evelyn -------------------------------------------------------------- Just as I finished reading the letter from Evelyn, I looked up and Billy Burnet was back to visit. "Hello lad", he said, "ye look much better than ye did the last time I was here. Are they takin' good care of ye?" "Oh yes," I said as I folded the letter and put it back with the others. "The care has been excellent but the getting well has been too slow for me. I am anxious to have my leg cast taken off. It's causing a sore up under my knee from the rubbing." "Aye, ye'll be runnin' up and doon the steps soon. I've come tae see ye aboot the relatives ye have in Edinburgh. Arthur told me aboot yer cousins Albert and Victoria and yer Aunt Dora a long while back noo and I took the liberty of contacting them for ye. Albert is away off with the RAF somewhere in North Africa but Dora was verra excited and wants to come doon tae Hawick in a day or two. Edinburgh's only a short drive north of here ye ken. Aboot 50 miles. She will bring Victoria with her. I expect they will make a day of it. I hope that it's alright wi' ye?" "Dora. Yes, my mother spoke of her often but I never ever thought I would get to meet her. It’s more than all right, it’s wonderful news." Dora was the only one to stay behind in Scotland when the family emigrated to Canada. I knew that her husband Victor had died quite a few years back. I was trying to remember how old Victoria would be. Dora had sent pictures to Mom way back before the war and as I recalled, she should be close to my age. "Is there anything that ye need from toon, lad? It's only a minute up here tae the hospital and I would be glad tae get it for ye." I laughed at this as at the moment, I had absolutely no possessions that were mine; no clothes, no wallet, no money, not even any shoes. I'd lost everything in the plane crash. "Thanks Mr. Burnet but right now all I need is for the Army to catch up with me and get me back into uniform. I really don't know if they have any idea where I am or even if I am alive. I did get some mail today so the APO must know where I am. It’s a funny feeling to be sort of lost here in Hawick without a stitch of clothes to my name. That’s not so unusual for the Army Air Force though. They have a saying, Snafu which means Situation Normal, All Fucked Up so it doesn’t surprise me that there is no official word from them with orders as to what to do next. "Don't worry aboot a thing Lad, I'll see to it. How tall are ye, 6' or so? And what aboot yer waist,32.? And yer shoes, size 11, shirt 16 with long sleeves? Dinna worry, lad, I'll soon sort ye oot." With a twinkle in his eye, he was off as quickly as he had arrived. I had no idea what he had in mind but it was nice to know that he wanted to help. It amazed me how kind and helpful people were, even to perfect strangers. As soon as Billy Burnet was gone, I opened the second letter from Evelyn. My Dearest Jimmy, Another week has passed, darling. There is not much to tell you except that I love you very much and miss you. It has been a while since I have heard from you and that has caused me some concern. The letters seem to come all at one time and then a long spell in between. This war is turning everything upside down. The weather has taken a turn for the better, a bit more rain but it has helped my garden out back. I don't have time to tend it like I should though. I have had a promotion at work and I am finally off the "floor" and into an office where it is a little easier on my legs and feet. Stambaugh-Thompsons has had many changes these past months. The younger girls are all leaving to go and work at the defense plant in Ravenna. I was almost thinking of it myself and then this opportunity came along. It was a nice increase in pay too. I have also taken to going to work on the bus. They have weekly passes now and I can ride for half the money it takes for gasoline. Also, with gas being rationed now along with almost everything else. I can use my allotment of gas coupons to visit my Mother and other places that I can't get to on the bus. Morris hates this rationing business. I guess all the extra paperwork gets him down and I think that he really misses having you here. He asks about you every time I go in. Well darling, I had better get off to bed now. I would give anything to have you here with me tonight. I am so lonesome without you. With All My Love
Evelyn -------------------------------------------------------------- I went immediately to the third letter. I no longer had my pen knife that I had previously used to open letters and my fingers were making a very ragged job of it. I tore the end off this one and that seemed to work much better. It was a single page.
-------------------------------------------------------------- My Dearest Jimmy, Jimmy, you must promise me something; promise to please come home to me. I don't think I could go on knowing that something might happen to you. It is this damned war that has caused all of this. I keep thinking back to the night you gave me the Christmas card....it was the first moment that I knew that I loved you. I pray every night that you will be kept safe. I will go to sleep tonight worrying about you. Jimmy, I don't know what I would do if I lost you to this war.
I am sure that you knew all of the Stromp girls. The one named Loretta is to be wed to Steve Vargas in a few days. I didn't know her, just saw it in the newspaper tonight. At least she will be married in a church. We had so little time together that I am not too familiar with all of your friends. I thought that you might like to hear what is happening to some of your school pals. I am off to bed now. I love you, darling. I will write a longer letter this week end. With All My Love,
Evelyn ----------------------------------------------------------- God, what a mess I am in again I thought to myself. Here I am holding hands with a Hawick lass and telling her that I am falling in love with her and Evelyn back home pouring her heart out to me. I began to wonder if it was love or just a flirtation that would go away once the Army got me back in its grasp. Did I even know what love was? Did I, at 19 years old, know what the hell I was doing? Here I was wanting two women again. My Mother would probably disown me if she knew the things that I had been doing. I thought perhaps it was just a strong desire on my part to have sex; after all, Gillian was a very attractive girl. Then again, Laura Murray and Annaliese were also quite attractive and I didn't have this intense feeling for them. I had to talk to Gillian. I had to let her know what was going on in my head. Maybe tomorrow we would have some time alone together and could talk this thing out. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The weather was beautiful the next day which certainly helped in perking up Gillian's attitude. She walked to work slowly because she was still working up the courage to speak with Jamie; she knew she must talk with him today and get the air cleared between them. He didn't deserve the treatment she had been giving him. After all, he had been nothing but honest and sincere with her. Oh, but she knew she had fallen in love with him and that was exactly why her task was proving to be so difficult. She still wasn't sure about what she would say to him, but she was trying not to think about that too much. Sometimes it is better to let your heart and not your head do the talking. That is what she had resolved to do. She would just start talking and then see how it goes. When she arrived at her ward, she immediately looked to his bed. He was sleeping. Carefully she approached his bedside and watched him for a few moments before starting her work. He looked quite peaceful, lying there, but there were faint shadows under his eyes. Maybe he was worried about the situation too. About an hour passed before Jamie woke up. When she saw him looking at her, they locked eyes for a few moments and she gave him a reassuring smile. A moment later, Gillian told one of the other nurses that she was going to take him outside for some exercise and fresh air. He watched her as she approached and oddly enough, it helped build her confidence. "Good day tae ye," she said quietly. "Ye are lookin weel today. Did ye get a good night's rest, then?" James's smile seemed somewhat apprehensive, which did not escape Gillian's eye. A tiny seed of worry planted itself in her thoughts and a churning feeling started in her stomach. "Actually, no, I didn’t sleep very well; I've wanted to talk with you." His face suddenly took on a very serious look. At that Gillian quickly said, "Aye, I ken that. I have been wantin' tae talk wi' ye as weel, lad. Do ye think ye can manage a wee bit of fresh air?" "I can if you can." Gillian helped him with his slippers and then watched him rise slowly upright. She handed him the heavy wooden crutches and stayed beside him, but she was careful not to touch him. Together they slowly made their way outdoors to the bench they occupied just a couple of days before and Gillian waited until he had eased himself down on the seat, then sat down beside him. James was the first to start. He was determined to sort this mess out and he was going to get his say in first. "Gillian, why have you been avoiding me?" Straight to the point, then. He looked so hurt that she had to look away for fear that she may lose her courage. As she stared at her knees she said, "I ken I hurt ye and I am so sorry fer it. I needed some time to sort out my thoughts and my feelings, Jamie." She paused for a few moments before speaking again. She would have to be careful. "I have thought verra hard as to what I might say tae ye, but I couldna form verra many complete thoughts. So, I have decided to just speak from the heart and see where that takes me." She saw him take a deep breath, as if he was going to speak, so she quickly said, "I was verra much in love wi' another man once and I lost him suddenly and I canna go through that again." She looked up at him at this point and lost herself in his eyes. She mustn't stop now. "I thought I would never get over him but I did, eventually. Ye want me tae just live for the moment and tae Hell wi' the morrow? I need tae know aboot the morrow, an' I need ye tae understand that. God help me, I do love ye, man, an' had I no been sae hurt before, I might be able to toss caution to the wind, but I canna do that. I need tae know where I stand wi' you. I need more from ye, an' I need tae know what yer plans and intentions are." There was a long silence between the two of them as they just sat there staring into each others eyes. Jamie could feel the tension building between them; like an electric charge. She wasn't done yet, though. "I do not ken enough aboot ye tae just lead my life that way fer ye. I am no saying that tae hurt ye. It's only fair that ye ken everythin' that I am thinkin' an' feelin'." She wanted to say more but she just couldn't find words. She decided to just wait for his response. "Gillian, I knew the minute that I laid eyes on you that I had these feelings for you and I sensed that you felt the same way but there is something that I must tell you." She was looking directly at me and her eyes seemed glazed as though she were about to cry. What could I possibly say to her that made any sense? Jesus, my life was all screwed up and here I am trying to drag her along with me. "Gillian, I am afraid that what I am about to tell you might change everything but I don't know what else to do. I haven't been able to sleep the past few nights thinking about this but you have to know. This woman back home is twice my age. Her name is Evelyn McCurdy. I received a letter from her just today and she wants very much for me to come home to her. Just before the crash, she was all that I could think about and when I woke up, there was Gillian MacKenzie." There; it was out now. But I had to tell her the truth. I owed her that at least. She did not take her eyes off me the whole time and before I could go on, a tear spilled from her eye and trickled down her cheek. I felt terrible and I bowed my head so that I would not have to look at her. "I don't understand why I have such a strong attraction for you but I do. I shouldn't be wanting you but I do. I am in love with you, Gillian MacKenzie, and my heart is breaking because I don't know what to do. You are asking me for plans and intentions and I'm spilling my guts out to you about a girlfriend back home. What the hell kind of plans are those?" I leaned over and put my face in my hands and sat in silence. Her voice, when it came, seemed so far away. "Are ye in love with this Mrs. McCurdy then? Is she a marrit woman yer carryin' on wi'?" I spoke without removing my hands from my face. "No, Gillian, she was married to a horrible man who was an alcoholic and abused her badly. She suffered through many beatings but when he beat her badly one night, she called the police and they took him to jail. She divorced him after that. All this happened before I met her. She is not married now. She is much older than I am and has led a very sad life for a long time. I don’t know how to explain the love part, I don't think it is love as much as it's the need to help her. She is very vulnerable right now and needs me to lean on. It is different than the way I feel about you right now. Evelyn and I have this sort of need for one another. She needs the security of a man and I needed the physical love that she gave so willingly." I finally managed to raise my head and look at her again. She hadn't moved and our eyes met once again. "I want to hold you in my arms so bad it is driving me crazy Gillian but deep down I know that you must get up and walk away from me and never look back." The tears were streaming down her face and I could see that she was visibly shaken. Her lip was quivering and she was struggling to speak. Finally she managed to get it out. "I'll do no sooch thing, Jamie MacGregor." I felt stunned, but before I could react, two women approached, one in her early twenties perhaps and the other in her late forties. As they drew closer, I got the shock of my life. It was as though my mother was there in front of me. There was no mistaking; it had to be my Aunt Dora and Cousin Victoria. I pushed myself to a standing position. "Aunt Dora, is it you?"
Victoria age 13, Grandmum and Dora
End chapter 6
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Chapter 7
Gillian quickly wiped her tears, hoping the two women didn't notice. "Weel, noo that ye have some company, I shall be needin' tae get back tae work. I'll be back in a wee bit tae bring ye back tae yer bed." At that Gillian walked away quickly so that the new arrivals couldn't see her face, though she was glad in a way; the timely appearance of Jamie's relatives gave her a perfect excuse to get away from him for a little while so that she could sort things out. Her heart felt as if it were trying to escape her body, to just get away from the pain. She needed some time to think. Gillian was moving all over the ward in a random fashion, doing little tasks here and there while she was lost in her own thoughts. Some of the other nurses on duty that day stood huddled in a group at the far end of the ward and watched her strange behavior and knew right away that something must have happened between her and the young man. Well, it didn't take long for gossip to spread. The hospital grapevine operated very efficiently. "Och! Will ye look at Gillian!" exclaimed one of the group. "Aye, the poor lass looks sae lost. I wonder what happened atween her an' that young soldier." said another nurse. They huddled closer, speculating amongst themselves just what exactly had upset Gillian, each coming up with a different theory. Just then Laura Murray came through the doors, having just arrived to start her shift. She noticed the nurses standing together and whispering to each other and decided to head over to investigate. Laura was quite annoyed to see such idleness, especially when patients needed attention. She strided briskly towards the group, bristling with irritation. "What are ye all bletherin' aboot? We have patients tae tend to." Her approach startled the ladies and they jumped when they heard her voice. "Shhh! Keep it quiet, Laura!" Nurse Cameron whispered. "Tis Gillian. She is actin' verra strange and we were just trying to figure out what happened. Most likely tis somethin' wi' that young man, Jamie. She took him outside and came back without him and since then she has been rushin' aboot, no sayin' a word. She is tryin' tae hide it, but she looks ready tae burst intae tears, the poor thing! He must have said somethin' tae upset her." "Weel, it will do nae good fer ye all tae be standin' here talkin' aboot it." Laura chided. " Go aboot yer business and I'll see tae Gillian." She gave them a little smile because she knew that they cared, but at the same time, she didn't want Gillian to know that she was the big topic of discussion. She watched them sidle away and slowly walked over to Gillian. Gillian couldn't control her thoughts. They were racing through her mind so quickly, she couldn't contain them. "Dinna be actin' sae surprised, Gillian!" she told herself. "Tis just the way things are. Ye ken that ye always fall fer the men that ye canna have." She had seen that the other nurses were whispering about her but she didn't care. That was the least of her worries at the moment. "Och, now Gillian." she scolded herself. "Ye ken that ye have more respect fer yerself than that! Dinna be tearin' yerself tae shreds just because a man has broken yer heart! Ye've lived through heartache before! Ye canna..." "My, Gillian!" Laura Murray interrupted. "Ye're flyin' aboot like yer on fire, lass! Are ye all right?" Startled, Gillian looked up from the bedside locker she was tidying. "Och, aye, I just have all this energy that I dinna ken what tae do with an' I suppose I just got carried away. Am I disturbin' ye then?" "No. I had thought that mayhap ye were upset aboot somethin' an' were needin' tae talk, but if I was mistaken then I'll let ye go aboot yer work." She started to turn away, but Gillian put her hand on the older nurse's arm. "Oh, ye are no mistaken. I just canna talk aboot it just yet." She hoped Laura wouldn't insist on discussing the subject further. Laura covered Gillian's hand with her own. "I thought as much. Weel, if I can be any help at all, my door and heart are always open fer ye, lass."
At that she gave her hand a squeeze and
walked away. Gillian felt the tears welling up again. It was such an inopportune time for Aunt Dora to show up but not much I could do about it now. As Gillian walked away, I extended my hand to Aunt Dora only to have her throw her arms around me and give me a big hug. I almost overbalanced when she eventually let go and stepped back, but grabbed the arm of the bench to keep myself upright. She was a strong woman for someone much smaller than me. "James, you look so much like Hilda. She never told me you had grown into such a handsome young man." She beamed a sunny smile at me and looked me up and down in appraisal. I hoped she liked what she saw. Then Victoria came forward and gave me a hug as well. I couldn't get over how much Dora reminded me of my mother. She even seemed to have the same taste in clothing, standing there in a smart grey plaid suit that could well have come right out of my mother's closet. As for Victoria, she looked nothing at all like her mother. She had thick black hair like mine and the deep blue eyes. Her face was creamy white and she had two magnificent dimples in her cheeks whenever she smiled. She was an inch or so taller than Gillian and quite attractive to say the least. She looked very elegant in her navy blue dress and I couldn't help but notice that it was cut well down the front. Her lipstick was a deeper red than I cared for but I guessed that was the fashion these days. Still, it looked good with her hair being so dark and her face so fair. "Well, needless to say, Victoria and I were very surprised to hear from Mr. Burnet that you were here in the Cottage Hospital in Hawick. He phoned me, you know, and told me what happened. It's a miracle that you and the other young man came out of this alive. Is he doing well?" "Yes, Nurse Gillian, that was the nurse that just left, by the way, tells me that I’ll be able to see him tomorrow. He suffered much more severe injuries than I did but seems to be coming along ok." At this, Victoria jumped in and said, "I noticed the nurse seemed to be crying when we arrived. What was that all about?" I didn't know exactly how to reply to this but before I could answer, Aunt Dora was talking again. "How long will they have you here in the hospital? You must come up to Edinburgh and visit with us a few days before you get back to your regiment. Victoria can come down and pick you up as the train is dreadfully slow." Gillian's crying was not something that I wanted to talk about right now. It was bad enough that she had gone off by herself before I could explain things properly. I began to wonder if I had done the right thing. She must be feeling miserable right now. God, what a mistake to tell her about Evelyn. She said that she would not walk away from me but that was probably something that came out in desperation. "I'll do no such thing," she said. I wasn't sure that I could believe that now. I'd very likely ruined any chance I'd had to form a proper relationship with her. I decided to just ignore the comment that Victoria had made about the crying and tried to change the subject. "My goodness, Victoria, I've just realized you have a slight Scots accent and yet Aunt Dora sounds just as though she's newly come up from Liverpool. That sounds so strange; a mother and daughter speaking differently." "Aye, mother still sounds very English. What with growing up in Edinburgh, I have the brogue, but not as broad as down here," she said as she looked over to the hills. "As for you, James, you sound so American. I've only talked to one other and you sound just the same as she did." "I would love to come and visit you in Edinburgh, but I have no idea when they will let me out of here. Up until now, I haven't even given it a thought but they’ll be taking my cast off soon and I see no reason why I shouldn't be allowed to come for convalescent leave. Other than clothes, that is. I don't have a stitch of clothes!! Mr. Burnett was in and took some measurements but he didn't say what he was up to." As Victoria sat on the bench beside me talking animatedly, I began to have the feeling that Scotland had a corner on beautiful women. She had such perfect lips and the dimples in her cheeks when she smiled almost made me want to reach out and touch her face to see if they were real. “It must be terrible to be cooped up here with no clothes. Has your commander no found out where you are?" "Hah! I think Hetrick and myself are lost in paperwork somewhere. Not a word from Headquarters about our orders. Maybe another day or so and something will show up. It's not that I am so anxious to get back to the war. I would like to see Hawick, walk down the High Street, just visit all the places my Dad has talked about so much all these years. I would also like to see Edinburgh before having to report back for duty. Your coming down to see me has made that sound much more likely to happen." “Tell me about Hilda. It has been nearly twenty years since we have seen one another. Has she aged gracefully?" Dora had a wistful look on her face. She must have missed her sister dreadfully. "She is the spitting image of you. I was shocked when you walked up the path to the hospital. So if that is gracefully, yes. She spends a lot of time in the garden with her flowers. The awful fights my dad had with her over going to California are all over now and he has a job working for Uncle George. He has the termite business in California you see and offered my Dad a job; mostly I think to get him adjusted to the different lifestyle in California. There was a point there where I thought they would divorce one another over it." James remembered the sound of raised voices he would sometimes hear and the awful atmosphere that used to hang over the house in his early years. "Well, it's for the best. Your mother always was the leader in the family. If it hadn't been for her, your father would still be here in Hawick working for Wilson and Glenny in the same job he had twenty years ago." "What do you do in Edinburgh? I know that your husband Jeffrey has been gone for some time now. Have you re-married?" James realized he had a lot of catching up to do. "Re-married! Heavens no!" She gave a short laugh. "The last thing I need is another man to make life miserable for me. After Jeffrey died, it was a bit of a tough go for a while but Jeffrey had a little money stashed away and I opened a fabric shop. We are doing quite well at it. Victoria and I both work there so it makes our hours much more flexible. We have twenty three other ladies that work for us now and we seem to keep growing all the time. The government has awarded us a contract to make shirts for the army so all in all, we are very busy. Because of the contract, we are on special gas ration which means we can travel about to buy special fabrics and materials. By the way, I have been meaning to ask you, do you ever hear from my sister Lillian? She was divorced from George Munton and married a man named Phillip Diana. The last address I have for her is Youngstown, Ohio. Is that close to Struthers where you were born?" "Well it sounds as though you have your hands full, Aunt Dora. As for Aunt Lillian, I was at her house just before having to leave for basic training. They had a nice going away dinner for me. Everyone there is fine. Struthers is like a suburb of Youngstown." Aunt Dora had a very surprised look on her face when I had mentioned that I was with her sister such a short time ago. I supposed with the war, keeping in regular contact over thousands of miles was difficult. "I didn't know you were in Ohio. What were you doing back there and not with your mother in California? Were you staying with Lillian then?" "It's a long story. I didn't like living in California and having to leave all of my friends behind and go to a new school, so after a miserable year there, I worked two months the following summer with Uncle George to earn enough money to go back to Ohio for a month before having to go back to school again. I got a job as soon as I got to Ohio and stayed with our old next door neighbors. When it came time to go back, I called Mom and told her I wanted to stay on and finish high school back in Ohio." "My goodness, you must have only been 17 years old at the time." "Actually, I was only 16 and quite pleased with myself too. Independence had been a big step to take at 16.” "I can't imagine Hilda permitting you to stay. She was always so close to the girls. What on earth ever possessed her to do a thing like that?" She looked at me as though I had committed a crime of sorts. "Well I don't think she had all that much say in the matter. I told her I was going to stay on and graduate with my friends whether I had her blessing or not. She was furious for a while but when she realized that I was not going to be back, she accepted it." "So what did your neighbors think of adding a new somewhat permanent addition to their family. I know you said you were working but certainly not full time?" "Well, it was nearly full time work. I was allowed to get out of school at noon and almost all of my earnings went to help the family I was living with. After graduation, I moved to my own place. A woman named Mrs. McCurdy had this room to let with meals and it was right next door to the store where I worked so I moved into the McCurdy house and stayed there the whole time except for a quick trip home before having to go to the army. They lowered the draft age to 18 in 1942 and it wasn't long after that I was off to basic training." "So you were living with perfect strangers then? My goodness, I would have been absolutely out of my mind if Albert had done something like that at 16. He's only 24 now and I worry so much about him. He's off in North Africa in the God awful desert with Field Marshall Montgomery's Forces." "Yes, Mr. Burnet mentioned that he was in North Africa”.
That was the extent of what Aunt Dora
would hear from me about Evelyn. As we sat there and chatted about
one thing and another, the time seemed to fly by and it was almost
lunch time. AuntDora said that the two of them would have lunch in
town and then they were off to do some shopping for some woolen
material. She was sure that they would have exactly what she was
looking for as Hawick was well known for woolen goods. She gave me
her phone number and made me promise to "ring her up" as she called
it as soon as I was able to leave the hospital and she would see to
it that Victoria came down to pick me up. We said our goodbyes with
another quick hug from the both of them and they were gone. Gillian found herself really in need of some advice on this dilemma she found herself in and she didn't know who to confide in. She thought of asking Mr. Hetrick about Jamie's friends. Laura, as well, had offered to talk to her if she found the need and if ever there was a time of need, this was it. After a considerable time of mulling this over in her mind, she decided to go in and talk to Laura. After all, it was obvious to her now that Laura was not attracted to Jamie and perhaps she could help ease the pain, if nothing else. She eventually found Laura in the sluice room. Perfect, she thought to herself, interruptions were unlikely. "Laura, ye said if I had the need tae talk, yer door is open and so here I am." "Aye, it's Jamie, isn't it?" Laura could read Gillian like a book. "Och Laura, it is. Ye ken I was goin' tae find oot if Jamie had a girlfriend back home? Well, I got up the courage tae ask him aboot it." "And what did he say, Gillian?" By the look on Gillian's face, Laura could guess. "He didna try tae sugar coat anythin' Laura. He told me straight oot that he had a girlfriend." Gillian didn't have the mind to tell her it was a woman twice his age and divorced. "What exactly did he tell ye, Gillian?" Gillian took a deep breath and let it all spill out. "He said he had this girlfriend back home. He told me he was verra involved wi' her and she was all he could think of afore the crash and then when he woke up, there was me, Gillian MacKenzie. He said that he was in love with me, that he wanted tae hold me in his arms so bad. He said he didna ken why he had these feelings for me but he did. He told me tae get up and walk away from him and never look back. Och, Laura, I dinna ken what tae do. I've never had such feelins for a man afore. Ye ken aboot Graham and me of course but he didna want anythin' permanent and noo my heart is breakin' fur someone that says he wants me and then I find oot he has another woman." Gillian couldn't control her emotions and began crying again. The tears spilling down her face in torrents and her hands trembling as she tried to wipe away the tears. Laura came over and put her arms around her to try and comfort her. "There noo, it's no all that bad, really. Jamie is just as mixed up noo as ye are. He's no tellin ye to go away because he doesna want ye. He didna lie tae ye Gillian and ye have tae respect the man fur that. Did he tell ye he was in love wi' this other woman?" Laura continued to cradle Gillian in her arms and she could see the tears slowly drying up. Gillian's face was red from all the tears and her nose was running. Her sobbing gradually died down to an occasional hiccup. "Gillian, dear," said Laura as she handed over a handkerchief. "Blow yer nose and sit doon now and tell me if he said he was in love wi' this other woman." Gillian did as she was told and sat down in the chair. She was very nervous at having told Laura so much and she was fidgeting with the pocket of her uniform. Well, she had gone this far, no use to hold back the rest. "He said it was a different kind o' love wi' this McCurdy woman. That it was no like the love he feels for me. She needed the security of a man, he said. "And the other woman, Gillian, is she married? "Och my Laura, how did ye ken then. She was married but her husband abused her badly and she divorced him?" "So James was living with her I take it?” "Yes, I wish he hadna told me." Gillian looked on the verge of crying again.
Head Nurse Laura Murray
"Gillian, listen to me. It wasna easy fer Jamie tae tell ye this. He told ye tae go awa from him because he doesna feel he has the right tae be wi' ye. Sometimes things happen in strange ways. Ye remember me tellin ye that he was no a virgin? Well noo I'm telling ye that he didna set out tae be there living with this women. He knew it was a sin but I'm sure that Jamie feels just as bad aboot it as ye do right noo. He's told ye knowin' full well that ye might be hurt by it but he's no hiding anythin from ye,lass. At least he's bein' honest wi' ye." "Och Laura, I'm sae mixed up right noo." Gillian turned to look out the window. "I see his relatives have gone now and I have to help him in for lunch. I'm not sure I can face him just yet." "I can do it if yer nae up to it just yet."
"No, I canna hide from this. I have tae
do it. I told Jamie I wouldna walk away from him and I'm no one tae
go back on my word." As I sat there alone, I put my hand into the robe pocket and felt the three letters that I had not yet looked at. What with all that was going on in my mind, it is no wonder that I had forgotten about them. I decided to read Loretta's letter first. Maybe it would help take my mind off things for a while. Dear James, Just a short note to let you know that I am going to get married next week to Steve Vargas. You remember him don't you? He lives over on the North Side and had the nice black 35 Ford Coupe. I am so happy. It is to be a large church wedding and I am kind of nervous about that. I got your address from Glen so I hope this makes it to you. Glen and Bonnie are still going together. I think they will get married one of these days. I heard that Maureen Schulick married Bill Priest. I just can't believe that. Maureen was always so nice and Bill Priest is such a jerk. All of our old friends seem to be drifting away one by one. Barbara has moved somewhere in Youngstown and I never see her any more. Both of my younger brothers are in the Navy and Bill is in the army. Well, I must go now. Take care of yourself.
Loretta -------------------------------------------------------------- Well, for once some good news. Steve Vargas would be good for Loretta I thought. I remembered the 35 Ford very well. Steve and I had a race one night along Poland Road, me in my 34 Ford side by side going all out. Anyway, I was happy for her. It seemed like a much better match than Maureen and Bill Priest. I opened the next letter, which was from Glen. There was no mistaking his scrawling. Glen had left school to work in his dad's garage and it showed in his letter. ------------------------------------------------------------- Hi Jim. Things have really been booming around here since the war started. I got me a good job at Republic Steel as a machinist and work there during the day and putter around with the cars at night. They are talking about 12 hour shifts now and that will make for a lot of overtime. Morris keeps asking about you every time I go into the store. He looks very tired. I think he is putting in too many hours. The defense plants have sprung up all over and he is having a hard time keeping anyone there at the wages he pays. McPhee's Drug store has the same problem. Old man McPhee seems to be working night and day lately. I see that your car is still sitting behind McCurdy's place where you left it. You ought to tell Mrs. McCurdy to drive it once in a while. It is not good for it to sit so long without being used. If you want, I can go down and charge the battery and check it out, maybe change the oil etc; just let me know. You don't want to sell it do you? Good cars are hard to come by right now. You knew that Dad was on his last legs when you left; well he died shortly after you went and that brand new 38 Ford was still in the garage up on jack stands. He would probably have a fit if he knew that I was driving it back and forth to work every day. Write when you get a chance. Your buddy,
Glen ------------------------------------------------------------- I hadn't expected Glen's Dad to make it so it was not a surprise to me that he was gone. It did surprise me that Glen was driving the Ford. He had several other cars there and the Ford was like a shiny new penny the last time I saw it. Oh well, maybe he sold the others. He did say good cars were hard to come by.
Now for the letter from Georgie. I couldn't imagine what he would be writing to me about.
------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Cousin James, I got your address from your Mother yesterday. All is well with her and your Dad. James, the reason I am writing to you is because of Teresa. I don't know what went on while you were here and it is none of my business but she has really been depressed since you left. I don't understand it as you two were only together for such a short while. Whatever is wrong, it is affecting her work. I would be very happy if you could find the time to write to her. Her address is 5850 La Vista Court, Hollywood, 38, California. She keeps telling me that nothing is wrong but I know better. I would hate to have to let her go but unless something happens, she is not much use the way she is. Thanks
Georgie ------------------------------------------------------------ Damn. What does he mean by ‘not much use the way she is’. What the hell was wrong? Damn that Georgie anyway! I was sure that Teresa was right about him now.
End Chapter 7
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Chapter 8
The letter from Georgie really had me disturbed. I knew that I would have to reply to him as quickly as possible but what could I say to him. Teresa worked for him and he had more control over what would happen to her than I did. As I sat there in the hospital mulling over the letter, my thoughts went back to the day I first met her. It happened shortly after I had returned to California. Mom wanted to see me before I went into the Army and so I made a rushed trip in my '34 Ford. Once I got there, I went back to work for Uncle George to get enough money to return to Ohio. I was not too busy one afternoon and Uncle George had some real estate papers that he wanted me to take out to his son Georgie's place for signature. I knew that he didn't like going out there because of his son being a "queer" and living with a man. I had often heard my mother and father discussing Georgie's friends. My father would have nothing to do with him so I well knew that George Munton Sr. felt some embarrassment over his son's lifestyle. So much so, he would not even go to his house. It was the first time that I had ever been to Georgie's new home in Encino. As I drove up the street I found the houses set far back off the roadway making it hard to see the addresses. The sign had said this was a dead end street and I was quickly coming to the end. When I could go no further, I came upon a locked gate, a buzzer, and Georgie's house number. I pressed the buzzer and in a few minutes, a gruff voice came over the speaker asking what I wanted. I had never had occasion to use such a device but I spoke back to the speaker telling the person who I was. In a few minutes the gate opened of it's own accord and I went on in. There were about five or six other cars there and I thought he must be having a party or something. As it turned out, it was a party of some sort as there were six ladies there, three other young guys, cousin Georgie, and his boyfriend Vincent. I was still in my work clothes but he greeted me as though I were the Duke of Windsor. He hadn't changed at all in appearance since I had last seen him. He was dressed in a sports jacket and tie, every part of him neat as a pin. His dark wavy hair may have thinned ever so slightly but he still had the same manner of making people welcome. As we shook hands, he was surprised that I was now more than equal to his 6'2". Cousin Georgie, Encino California 1942
"My God, what did they feed you back in Ohio? You've grown more than a foot since you worked for my Dad." "Yes, mom and Dad were both surprised as well as your father. He has these papers for you to sign." I handed him the envelope containing the real estate papers and he took delight in showing off his new home. I thought there would be no end to the rooms. It was a grand palace to me with large bedrooms, adjoining baths, and a large sunken bath just off the master bedroom. Then came the paintings. They seemed to be everywhere, each with a light up above. There must have been twenty alone down the long wide hallway, all nudes and as he was showing them to me, one in particular caught my eye. It had the face of one of the young ladies out in the living room. I asked him about it and he said, "Yes, that's Teresa Carney. Isn't she gorgeous?" “My God, she really is beautiful.” I looked more closely at her fine body and found it very odd that Georgie thought she was beautiful given his inclination for a man rather than a woman. "Would you like to have her James"? "What do you mean; would I like to have her?" "You know, do you want to go to bed with her? Just say the word and she's yours", as he gently poked me in the ribs. "Who the hell are all of these girls?" He went on to tell me that they were all in the business and worked for him. It took me a while to put two and two together; rube from the small town me. These were the girls that made the porno films that I had heard Mom and Dad talking about. At least that was my guess at the moment. When we finally joined the others, my eyes went immediately to Teresa. It was enough to make me forget what I came for. I couldn't take my eyes off her and it didn't take her long to see that I was looking at her. She started over toward Georgie and me and when she walked; her whole body seemed to move inside her dress. There was that light bounce of her breasts, the movement of her hips, and a smile the same as in the painting. I think I had undressed her three times before she got there. She stopped and put her arm through his and said, "So who is this handsome guy, George?" "Teresa, this is my cousin James". That seemed to spark Teresa's attention as she left his arm and came over and took mine. Georgie winked at me and was off talking to some of the others leaving me quite alone with Teresa.
Teresa Carney at Georgie's Place in Encino
She was very quick to take me off to the den away from the sounds of the others before talking to me. We sat down together in this spacious room which was beautifully decorated with luxurious furnishings. The one entire wall was windows floor to ceiling and it looked out onto a lovely garden with a waterfall and there were statues of naked women that appeared to be at least seven feet tall all in white carved stone. They were of course, Venus, Aphrodite, and Astarte. At least Mrs. Truax’s help with my History had taught me something. On the wall to the left were more beautiful paintings, all of nude women, the frame of one alone worth more than I would earn in a month. At the far end was a fireplace that was faced with white marble and off to the right a little nook with an organ and yet another nude painting above. I wondered to myself just how much money Georgie had tied up in these magnificent paintings. "James, I noticed you staring at me." What a beginning I thought; was it that obvious. "Yes, I guess I was. It was the painting in the hallway, you see. It is quite beautiful; you are quite beautiful that is." She looked at me over the top of her glass as she slowly sipped on her drink, her eyes searching mine as if to draw on my thoughts. She was wearing a very low cut dress and it was difficult to keep my eyes off her breasts. As she lowered her glass and returned it to the table, I thought they would spill out over the top with the slightest leaning forward but the laws of physics were not in my favor as they managed to remain covered. She was looking directly at me now and although she was well endowed, I could see that she was not too much older than me, perhaps twenty years old but no more than that. She had golden hair that came down beyond her shoulders and deep blue-green eyes that were surveying me bit by bit as she spoke again. "Do you like what you see? God, what a thing to ask. How could I possibly not say yes? I wasn't used to such directness coming from a woman. It was almost as if she had asked me to go to bed. I didn't know exactly what to say and ended up repeating myself. "You’re very beautiful to look at. I'm sorry if you feel like I'm ogling you." "Oh no, I'm flattered that you find me so attractive." Georgie had said all I had to do was ask and that thought was uppermost in my mind at the moment. How can you say, "Do you want to hop in bed with me?" I knew that if it was to happen, it would have to be much more subtle than that. Perhaps these friends of his were able to do that but I knew those words would never come out of me. I was very curious exactly what type of work it was that she did for Georgie. He had said that they were all in the business and I had assumed that this meant the porn business but this didn’t necessarily mean that Teresa was directly involved. "What is it you do for Georgie?" She laughed and said, "Georgie! He would die if you called him that. He prefers George." "Oh, he has always allowed me to call him Georgie; so what is it you do for George?" "She said, "I do movies, short porn flix." She said it so matter of fact like it was nothing. I couldn't believe it. She looked so much the girl next door type and I found it very hard to understand why. I knew that someone had to do these types of movies but somehow sitting here next to her, it seemed impossible that someone like Teresa would be one of them. I was not quite sure that I would have to be so subtle after all. I wasn't even sure that I wanted her now; however, I was curious enough to want to know how she came to be doing this sort of thing. The thought of making love with someone in front of a camera while others watched was more than I could comprehend. I immediately thought of Evelyn and our situation back there. Many nights I had fallen asleep wondering what it would be like to make love to her. I thought of how hard we were struggling to make ends meet back in Ohio and here I was amidst all this wealth and in all probability, it was made off the sale of pornography. Evelyn was as equally beautiful as Teresa, maybe even more so and I knew that she would never think of selling her body for money. "Oh really, you actually are in movies then?" "Yes, would you like to see me in one of my movies?" I had heard about porno movies but had never actually seen one before but if what I had heard was true, it was unimaginable that Teresa could be involved in such a thing. "Yes, I would." I said yes not knowing that she meant right now. She picked up the phone and dialed and in a minute was talking to one of Georgie's man servants. I later found out that this man was also his body guard. She asked him to set up the projector with ‘Minx’ and to bring her the key. I hadn't noticed any projector when he had showed me through the house and had no idea why the need for a key. She asked me if I would like a drink and I hesitated as I knew that I had to get back to Hollywood with the papers but thought that one would be ok. "Yes, but go heavy on the ice and easy on the vodka". She picked up my glass and walked over to a small bar that was located in the far corner of the room. I couldn't help but watch as she moved away from me. She had such a fine looking body and it was a real treat to watch her walk. My mind went back to the hallway and the picture and thought of what she might look like for real naked. I was still looking at her as she finished with the drinks and headed back. In either direction, she was a sight to behold. She sat down beside me again. "Where do you live, James?" "I live in Hollywood". "Oh, where in Hollywood?" "Do you know where Georgie's dad lives?" "Yes, over on Wilcox Place isn't it?" "Well, our place is straight up Vine Street, a short left, and then up Holly Drive to almost the end." Just about then, a fairly tall hunk of a man came in and handed the keys to Teresa and said, ‘It's set up, Miss’. He looked much on the order of a boxer or wrestler with his cauliflower ears and his bent nose. His hair was cut almost to the skull and he had deep wrinkles in his forehead, not someone I would want to meet on a dark street late at night, I thought. He left as quietly as he had arrived and we were alone once again. "Let’s go” and she took me by the hand and we went out the French doors, through the garden and past the pool and through a gate where I saw that there was a guest house hidden from all the rest. It was really beautiful back here, the gardens alive with flowers and the lawns plush and green. There was a beautiful big oak tree in the front of the house and in the yard there were large glass topped tables with huge blue umbrellas in the center. I continued to follow her as she opened the door and we went on in. Then came the need for the key as she put it in the dead bolt and locked the door. "Is there really a need for locking the door?" "I don't like people walking in on me when I'm looking at one of my movies." I got the impression right away that this house was used primarily for viewing movies as there were several sofas all facing in the same direction. She clicked a switch that opened a large curtain exposing a floor to ceiling screen and at the same time she clicked another switch closing the window curtains that cut off the main light to the room. She was definitely in charge and all I could do was follow directions as she and I sat down on a sofa in the semi-dark room and she clicked yet another button and the movie started. It wasn't long before she was in the scene on the screen and it was barely five minutes into the movie before things started to happen. There was no real plot so far and the next thing I know, Teresa and another girl are undressing one another and kissing each other. A this point, I began to wonder if Teresa was a lesbian but that thought was soon dispelled as a moment later, her hand dropped to my thigh. I wasn't even sure what a lesbian was or did; only that it was two women who somehow loved one another. The movie was very erotic at this point and in spite of what they were doing, I felt myself becoming sexually aroused. It was difficult for me to believe that Teresa was kissing this woman with such passion and even more difficult to believe that this was causing arousal in me. I had never seen two women kiss each other on the mouth in my entire life and now Teresa had moved down to the girl’s breasts. She patted my thigh and said, "I think you need another drink." This time I did not protest. Watching this, I did need another drink; maybe two. When she returned with my drink, she sat down on the sofa, this time facing me instead of along side me. She put her hands on my shoulders and then slowly moved them to the back of my head and began running her fingers through my hair. "Well, what do you think so far?" I didn't know what to say. She was up so close to me now, her face directly in front of me. The drinks had started to make me feel a little giddy and I could feel myself begin to sweat a little. "Do you......are you.....is this type of thing pleasurable to you?" "Yes, all sex is pleasurable to me." "But it's a girl, I said, it just doesn't seem normal." She was running her fingers up and down the back of my neck and her fingernails made the hair on the nape of my neck stand on end. I wasn't in control of this situation; actually the opposite, I was very nervous and uneasy. "Would it be more normal if I were kissing you?" Before I could answer, she came so close I could feel her breath against my face, our lips only inches apart now. My heart was beating so loudly, I was afraid Teresa could hear it. I still had my drink in my one hand and was searching frantically for the end table next to the sofa as we began kissing one another. I finally managed to set the drink down and put my arms around her pulling her up close to me, our mouths now fully engaged. Almost instinctively, my hand moved down her back and then along her thigh to her dress hem, my fingers searching under the hem and then slowly back up her thigh. Her legs were bare and her skin as smooth as silk and my hand roamed far enough up the outside of her thigh to realize that she was naked except for the dress. At the same time she was unbuttoning the front of my shirt and began to run her fingers through the hair on my chest and just as quickly, she lowered her head and I could feel her tongue tasting me, her lips surrounding my nipple. Just as in the movie with the young girl, she was now doing this to me. I was oblivious to the movie that was running clickity clickity click in the background. "James, I want you to make love to me?" I had wanted to the minute I saw her and here she was offering herself. It was not even necessary for me to ask. She took my silence as a yes. "Bring your drink then and we'll get into the spa first." She wasted no time in taking my hand and leading me off to the master bedroom of this guest house. It was almost as though I was a puppet and she was controlling the strings. I wasn't sure that I wanted this to happen and yet I let myself be led knowing full well what the end result would be. This room was absolutely elegant with it's heart shaped bed, crystal chandeliers, his and hers dressing rooms, sliding mirrored doors, still more nude paintings adorned the walls and in between the dressing rooms, a large sunken pool with steps leading up to a window that looked out onto a tropical garden matted with dichondra and filled with beautiful tropical flowers and plants of all kinds. It struck me funny that the pool was already churning bubbly water. Apparently Georgie's man servant knew to do this as well when he set up the projector. We had no sooner arrived than Teresa had her clothes off and was standing there completely naked. Her body was more beautiful than in the painting, her breasts so firm, the nipples erect. It was obvious that she sun bathed in the nude as her entire body was darkly copper toned with no white marks anywhere. All the things that I had seen as I visually undressed her a while back were now there before me. As I stood there looking at her, I wondered if the girl in the movie felt the same as me; a feeling of being seduced by Teresa. Her eyes were searching every part of me as though to kindle within me the sexual pleasure she seemed to need so badly herself. I could sense that she wanted the same from me as she had from the young girl in the movie and I wasn't quite sure that I wanted to give it. Teresa Naked in the Spa
"Well, come on. Are you coming in or not?" I stood motionless as I watched her slide down into the bubbly water. Only her head and shoulders were visible now. I felt a sudden urge to get the hell out of there. The sin I was living within myself with Evelyn was driving me crazy and I didn't need to add a Teresa to my misery. I quickly buttoned my shirt and continued to look down at Teresa. Seeing this, she stood up, the soapy foam slowly sliding down over her lovely breasts and dropping silently into the water below. "What are you doing? "I have to go. I can't do this Teresa, I'm sorry." Before she could say another word, I was on my way down the hall and out of the Guest House and hurriedly back into the main house. I found Georgie and got the signed papers. We briefly shook hands and I thanked him for his hospitality and in a matter of minutes I was on my way back to Uncle George's house. It was a warm breezy night as I made my way down Ventura Boulevard past Universal City and into Hollywood. I left the window down to keep my head somewhat clear from the drinks that I had while at Georgie’s. All the way back I thought about Teresa. I couldn't get her out of my mind. I kept tossing it around in my head trying to convince myself that I had done the right thing. I stopped at the corner of Vine St. and Santa Monica and grabbed a cup of coffee and then went on down to Wilcox Place to Uncle George's place and dropped off the real estate escrow papers. He wasn't home so I just shoved them through the mail slot in the front door. I sat out front in the car and finished my coffee, my thoughts still of Teresa standing there stark naked. I couldn't believe that I had walked out on one of the most gorgeous women I had ever met. There she was, inviting me to bathe in the nude with her and hell only knows what else. James MacGregor, you are a damned idiot! After about five minutes of calling myself stupid, I started the car and then headed back up Vine Street towards home. Mom was still up and she fixed me a short snack. I told her how beautiful Georgie's new place was as she had never been there before. We sat and talked for a while, mostly about me going into the Army. Then she remembered that my sister had called and wanted me to stop over tomorrow and see her. She said that she had a surprise for me. I decided to go over to Arcadia and see her first thing in the morning as it was a long drive over and back. I asked Mom to wake me early and then I was off to bed. I lay awake for the longest time thinking of Teresa and what might have been. "James, it's time to get up." Aghhh, I rolled over in the bed. It was Mom waking me already!!!! "O.K. Mom, I'm awake. What time is it? "It's 7AM. Time you were out of bed if you want to get over and see your sister." I pulled on my pants and went off to the bathroom to take a shower. I had no sooner got in and thoroughly wet when Mom said there was a phone call for me. "Who is it Mom?" "I don't know, it's some girl who says it's real important." I shut off the shower and wrapped a towel around me and then out to the living room. "Hello" "Hello, James, this is Teresa, I need to see you. Can we have lunch somewhere?" "Teresa, I'm going over to see my sister in Arcadia today. I'll be leaving here in about an hour." "How about just coffee then? Over at Al's Place on Santa Monica. I'll meet you there, ok?" "OK, Teresa but I can't stay long. I'll see your there in about 45 minutes." "OK, bye" "Goodbye Teresa" I went back into the bathroom and finished my shower. I hadn't expected to hear from Teresa anymore. She didn't even seem angry and I thought that very strange considering the way I just walked out on her. God, will I ever understand women and the way they think? I hurried with brushing my teeth and shaving and in fifteen minutes I was out the door and headed for Al's. I told mom that I didn't have time for breakfast figuring that I would grab some coffee and toast at Al's Place. As I pulled up to the Cafe I recognized Teresa's car as being one of those parked in front of Georgie's yesterday. It was a beautiful shinny black 39 Ford Convertible. I walked on in and saw Teresa sitting in a booth way off in the back. I didn't have any idea why she wanted to see me so badly nor what I might say to her. "Hi Teresa." "Hi James. I'm so glad that you could make it." She looked beautiful even in Levi's and a sweater. I think she knew that I was mentally undressing her and visualizing her as she was last night. I was squirming in my seat a little bit and was glad that the waitress arrived. "Can I get you something?" she asked. "Yes, I'd like some coffee and toast, please." "Will there be anything else?" "No, that's it miss, thanks." She was only gone a second before Teresa began to speak. "I know that you don't like what I do for a living. That's it isn't it?" "Yes, that's it. That and all the…….well you know, the things seemed abnormal to me." "I knew it! When I heard that you were George's cousin, I thought you were part of it and had to act accordingly. That is not the real me that you saw last night. I'm caught up in this thing and don't know how to get out." "What do you mean, get out?" "I've been doing this since I was sixteen. I don't know anything else. I was really down and out when George found me and took me in. It all started off so innocently. George has been very good to me but I want more than this. I want the real me back. I don't even have a boyfriend, only sex partners." I could see that her eyes had gotten a little misty but she was much too strong to cry, I thought. So she wasn't in it for the money and perhaps all sex was not pleasurable to her after all. "Why can't you just quit?" "What would I do, where would I live? You don't know how many times I've thought about it but I don't know how to do anything else. I can't type, I can't do anything! I quit school when I was 15 and headed for California thinking how wonderful everything was out here and it is nothing but a cesspool of filth and corruption. I can't go back home. My parents are divorced and both re-married and living with other partners and neither of them want me. I just wouldn't fit in back there any more. Your cousin George is very nice to me but he would toss me out in a heartbeat if I didn't perform. It's all about sex and money, big money. There are some really nasty disgusting people behind all of this. Some of them frighten me." "So last night was all an act then?" "Yes, most of it; George gave me the wink to take good care of you. I didn't see much difference between you and all the rest but when you walked out, I knew that you were not one of them. It's part of my job to be nice to friends of George. That's what I get paid for. I sell myself for money. I'm a whore for him and I hate myself and what I do." She was not as strong as I had thought and as she sat there playing with the handle on the coffee cup, a tear welled up and trickled down her cheek, first one eye and then the other. I quickly handed her a napkin and as she wiped her eyes dry, she excused herself to go to the restroom. The waitress had brought my toast while she was gone and I gobbled it down with a swill of coffee. I glanced at my watch while she was away and I knew that I had to be on my way soon. It was a long drive to Arcadia and mostly through downtown LA traffic. When Teresa returned, she slid in onto the seat and the seemingly the tears had been replaced with a slight smile. "You are probably wondering why I asked to see you; maybe even what it is I want from you. It's just that I need a friend so bad right now. Last night, it was not all an act. When you kissed me, I felt something different happening. You didn't grope for me like I was some sort of animal. I felt your hands touching me, caressing me. I even sensed that you were a little nervous about the whole thing. Were you?" "Yes, I was more than nervous. I was awkwardly uncomfortable." She began to twist one of the paper napkins as she continued to look at me. She was such a beautiful girl and I just could not imagine her not having boy friends. She was the one that seemed to be nervous today. She lowered he eyes to the table as she continued. "Did you want me last night?" "Yes, I did. I wanted you very much." "Do you want me now knowing what I do for a living?" She continued to fumble with the napkin and then moved her head up and looked directly at me. I think she had to see my reaction to that question. I didn't have to think about it long. "Teresa, you are an extremely beautiful girl. I wanted you very badly last night but I had such a guilty feeling because of a girl I know back home in Ohio. I actually live in Ohio, it’s just my parents that live here in Hollywood and I’m going home to Ohio in about two more days. I had no idea how things were for you and I would like very much to be your friend. Do you want me to talk to Georgie? I reached over the table and placed my hand on hers and gave her a gentle squeeze. "Oh no, please don't mention this to George. Promise me you won't. I had a feeling it was because of another girl in your life but please don't say anything to George. I was hoping things might be different and that we could become more than just friends." I got the feeling that she was very afraid of Georgie. I couldn't believe that he could instill such fear in anyone. Jesus, he was such a pussy. I was going to have to try and find out more about what was going on. Maybe my Dad could tell me something or maybe even Georgie's old man if I could get him a little drunk. I used to go to the wrestling matches with him before I left for Ohio and he would usually carry a pint of whisky in his pocket. "Okay, I won't say anything. I have to get on my way over to my sister’s now. It’s a long drive and I have to go right through downtown. She owns a small convalescent hospital near Pasadena. How about if I give you a call when I get back and we can talk more about this dilemma you are in?” “Let me give you my number.” She jotted the number down on a scrap of paper and gave it to me. I leaned down and kissed her cheek wondering in my mind how I could help her. “Goodbye James, please don’t forget to call.” “I won’t forget”. As I strode out of Al’s and headed for my car, I noticed in the LA Times paper, ‘Gas Rationing Begins on East Coast’.
End Chapter 8
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Chapter 9
In a few minutes, I was up on Sunset Boulevard and headed towards downtown Los Angeles. Traffic was very heavy with everyone on their way to work. I couldn't imagine having to do this day in and day out. It was stop and go all the way to town. It let up some as I headed out Mission Boulevard to Huntington Drive and then on into Arcadia. It was a pleasant drive once I got away from all the traffic of the city. Orange Groves lined both sides of the highway and the traffic lights were few and far between now. I wondered what the surprise was that my sister had for me. Santa Anita Race Track was on my left now and I knew I was getting close to Dorthia's place. I had never seen her new home. When I finally found the address, I was overwhelmed to see the magnificent house that she had. As I drove up, I wondered if it was ok to park my car in the circular drive that led in and out of a large Southern Style Plantation type home. It was a big white house with large pillars along the front, and huge cypress trees shading the porch. I parked the car close enough to the edge to allow another car to pass and walked up onto the brick porch and rapped on the knocker. A young dark skinned girl opened the door. My Sister's House In Arcadia 1942
"Buenos Dias Senor, Que desea usted?" I didn't have the least idea what she was talking about but decided to just tell her who I was. "I'm James, Dorthia's brother. I've come to see my sister." "Espere un momento." She left the door ajar and disappeared back into the house and in a few minutes my sister was at the door. "James, my God you have grown so much I hardly recognized you." She threw her arms around me and gave me a big hug. It had only been about two and a half years since I had seen her and she looked exactly the same to me except for few grey strands that were now in her short bobbed dark brown hair. My mother had given birth to Dorthia very early in life and me quite late thus accounting for the 16 year age difference between us. It surprised me that I was almost a head taller than she was now. She was very pretty for her 34 years and quite stunning in her bright red dress. "Come in, I was just having my morning coffee. We can go into the breakfast nook and talk. I just can't get over how tall you are. My God, you're a full grown man now. What's this about you going into the Army?" She led me through the entryway past a luxurious living room and down the hallway through the kitchen and then a swinging door into the nook. It was a very beautiful breakfast room all done in white with large bay windows looking out onto the garden. I noticed a man working outside in the garden as I sat down. Yes, I thought, my sister is doing very well for herself. I began to wonder if I was the only one in the family that was poor. I had no sooner seated myself than the young woman I had met at the door was back with a coffee pot in her hand. "Do you want some coffee or something to eat?" "Well, I had some toast earlier. Maybe just a cup of coffee." "Toast!!! you need more than that!! Panchita makes wonderful Spanish Omelettes. She turned to the young girl and said, "Panchita, uno tortilla de huevos." Panchita was a young Mexican girl in her teens I thought. She was wearing a very colorful full skirt and a white apron. When she looked at me, her dark brown eyes seemed to be smiling but no sign of it in her dark skinned face. She had already poured me a cup of coffee and disappeared off into the kitchen leaving my sister and I alone once more. "So what is this Army thing? Did you join or what?" "No, but on my birthday I will be 18 years old and have to register for the draft. They sent me a notice not too long back and I have to report to the draft board in Youngstown. I have no idea what will happen after that." “When do you have to go back to Ohio?” “I have to leave here on Monday, the 15th.” “Oh My, that soon? You won’t have much time in California then? Mother said you drove out. What kind of car do you have?" Not much time indeed I thought. Everything was rushing by so quickly I hardly had time to think. It would take a good four or five days to drive back to Ohio, about a month or less with Evelyn and then off to the Army and hell knows where from there. I was hoping to have more time with Evelyn but I would just have to wait and see. I would be arriving back just about at the week end and Evelyn would not be at work. "Uh oh yes, I have a 34 Ford two door sedan just like the one that Mom wrecked. Do you remember that? She was going down Powers Way to pick up Daddy from work and hit that ice and spun around and knocked a fire plug off. It's funny now to think back about it." "Oh yes, I remember well. Father was furious. He ranted and raved for weeks about it and there was really nothing Mother could do." I could see that my sister had not lost the habit of drumming her fingernails on the table when she got concerned about something. I kept wondering about the surprise. I couldn't imagine what it could be but I was anxious to find out. "So how are things going at the Casa? Mom says she only works a few days a week now. Is that because you’re slow or what?" My sister looked at me as though I had asked the question of the year. She got a sort of disgusted look on her face before she answered. "Didn't she tell you? That father of yours doesn't want her working now that he has a job with Munton. He is back to his old ways already wanting Mother to wait on him hand and foot. I told Mother she would have been better off to divorce him when all the fighting was going on. I even offered to give her the penthouse at the Casa but she seems determined to stay with him in spite of hell." "Oh, I didn't know. Everything there seemed very normal to me since I have been back. I'm sure glad I was able to get away from it all and spend the last year and a half in Ohio. They used to argue every night and it drove me crazy to have to listen to it." Just then the door swung open and it was Panchita with the largest omelette I had ever seen. As she set it down in front of me, she said, "Un poco mas Senor?" "What is she saying Dorthia?" "She wants to know if you want more." "Jesus, tell her no. There is enough here for three people." Dorthia had a grin on her face as she told Panchita, "Eso es todo." The omelette was delicious and I gobbled down every bite even though it was a bit much. I wondered what it would be like to have maids and gardeners. Not really my style I didn't think. I really had no idea what I wanted to do as a career. Right now, the Army was apparently going to make decisions for me and I had no idea where that might take me. We spent about an hour in the breakfast room talking and then Dorthia wanted to take me on a quick tour of the house. I asked how I could tell Panchita thank you and she told me there was no need. "But I would like to thank her." "Oh well, just tell her Muchas Gracias then." I pushed the kitchen door open and I could see Panchita at the kitchen sink doing the dishes and as she looked up at me, I said, "Muchas gracias, Panchita." She flashed me a big smile and returned with "No hay de que." I had no idea what her reply was but I waved my hand and then I was off with Dorthia to look at the house. Just beyond the breakfast room another swinging door opened into a large formal dining room with a table seemingly big enough to seat at least a dozen people. It had a sparkling ornate crystal chandelier over the table and of course the candles that Dorthia would always light whenever she had any of the family for dinner. She had done this as long as I could remember. Even as a little boy, I recalled my sister having her girlfriend Peggy over for dinner at our home in Ohio and the lighting of the candles. I had caused her a bit of embarrassment one night by asking if we had failed to pay the electric bill. The candles were somehow important to her. For me at the time, it was like eating in the dark. At the other end of the dining room there were large sliding doors that opened into the living room that we had passed through on our way in. Then on into the den which looked out onto a large Olympic sized swimming pool all fenced in except for the opening from the house and a single gate that appeared to go off towards the garage which Dorthia told me was way off in the back. Not unlike Georgie's house, each of the bedrooms had their own separate baths with tiled tubs and showers. Opposite the den was a large library room with books from floor to ceiling on three walls. The second floor was all master bedroom with walk in closets bigger than my whole room in Ohio. It was indeed a fancy home and my sister was more than doing well I thought. "Well James, what do you think?", as she eagerly looked for my reply. "It's lovely. I'm really happy for you. Don't you find it lonely here though with Gary off to sea all the time?" It seemed like such a big house to me with only my sister and Panchita living in it. "Oh no!! I have my friends and I'm just as happy as a lark with him gone. It's a little more dangerous for him now with so many ship sinkings in the North Atlantic but he has always led a charmed life and even with Hitler and his submarines, he'll be back." I wondered about her life with Gary gone so much. Apparently she was much more secure than Evelyn and didn't require a man around to be happy. “How do you feel about going into the war? Do you have a girlfriend back in Ohio who will worry about you?" "Honestly, I haven't even thought about that part of it. Yes, I do have a few friends in Ohio that I will miss if and when I have to leave. I’m sure that they will send me off to basic training somewhere. Beyond that, I don't know what to think." "A few? I'll bet the girls are just tripping over themselves", as she began giggling. "My handsome grown up brother has the girls after him, I see. Anyone I know?" "No, I don't think so." I knew that she would remember Evelyn McCurdy but I wasn't about to mention it to her. I wondered if growing up with sisters older than me by almost double had anything to do with my not thinking Evelyn was so much older than myself. Sisters? I didn't know whether to mention Kathleen or not. "How is Kathleen doing, or don't you know?" "She is doing really well. She met a nice man who dearly loves her and I don't think she has had anything to drink in almost a year now. They live in a small place up in Santa Barbara. She writes every once in a while. I don't suppose you will have time to get up and see her before you go." "No, as much as I would like to see her, I'm really pushing the edge now to get back in time. I just hope the weather holds up. You know how hot the desert can be." "Yes, well it's time for your surprise. Let me grab a wrap and I'll take you down to the Casa." As I waited for her to get her things, I couldn't imagine what or maybe who was at the Casa. I knew several of the people that worked at Dorthia's rest home and while it might be nice to see them again, it would not be any great surprise. She was back in a few minutes and suggested we take her car as she knew the way better from the Arcadia house. When we got to the garage, I saw that she had a 1941 Cadillac. It was a beautiful car inside and out and unlike my old rattletrap, you couldn't hear it running. Dorthia said it was the last of line to have all the chrome as everything was now being converted over to war production. As we pulled out of the garage and onto the road, I couldn't help but feel that my sister's education is what got her to where she is right now and Teresa's lack of it got her to where she is. I had no idea what to say to Teresa when I called tonight. As we drove along, I rolled the window down as it was a beautiful day, the sun was warm and it was nice not to have to drive for a change. "How many beds do you have now?" "Well we added on a whole new wing since you were here last and we are running between 48 and 52." "Wow that probably keeps everyone hopping. I can remember when you only had 18." "Damn, I have to stop and get gas. I'm almost out." She pulled into the first station and told the man to fill it up and check the oil. "Yes'm", he said as the commenced to lift the hood and do his chores. He was back in a minute and said the oil was ok and then he set about pumping the gas. "How much gas does this thing hold? My Ford seems to find the empty mark really fast." "I don't really know. It's between one or two dollars every time I fill up, that's all I know." "Gasoline was really expensive at some places on the way out. Twenty two cents a gallon in Nevada." She gave a little laugh at that saying, "My goodness, and here I am complaining about fifteen cents a gallon." All the coffee was running through me like a sieve and so I decided to run into the restroom while the man was filling the tank. When I got back, we were ready to go again. We arrived at the Casa de Las Flores at about 11:15 am and right off I could see the changes she had made. The new wing she had talked about went off the right side which used to be all yard and it was now beautifully landscaped with trees, flowers, and shrubs with the rest turned into parking. The penthouse as she had nicknamed it early on looked exactly the same. It was much like a castle tower and Dorthia used it to house the hired help. There was a kitchenette and bath and bedroom and Mom sometimes slept over when she was too tired to drive back to Hollywood. Dorthia took me by the arm and led me directly up the stairway to the penthouse. The Casa de Las Flores
"Who's up here?" "You'll see soon enough", as she rapped on the door and a voice within said who is it? "It's Dorthia, can I come in." "Yes, it's open, come on in." Dorthia opened the door and with me right behind her, we both stood looking at Peggy standing there in her panties and bra ironing a blouse. Dorthia quickly closed the door and said, "For God sakes Peggy, put some clothes on." In less than a minute, Peggy had pulled on some Levi's and a shirt and was just finishing buttoning it as we entered for the second time. "It's James, Peggy! Look at him will you. My little brother is a grown up man." I still had the rapid glance of her in panties and bra dancing around in my head as I rushed to her and gave her a big hug. I had known Peggy since I was about 10 or 11 years old and she was the love of my life. Having just seen her near naked, she did not disappoint my youthful visions of what she looked like without clothes on. I wondered if she ever knew how much I adored her back then. She was a good eight years younger than my sister and they had met while Peggy was sick in the hospital where Dorthia was in nurses training in Youngstown. "Peggy, my God, I never expected this", as I continued to embrace her. "Nor did I James. I can't believe you are so tall and all grown up." She held me back at arms length as she surveyed me from top to bottom. Dorthia laughed as the two of us continued to stare at one another. She looked as beautiful to me as she did back then with her thick long blonde hair and green eyes. "Well you two, was that surprise enough for the both of you?" We answered with another hug. She felt so good and she must have still used the same perfume as memories of her rushed though my head to the times she had hugged me when I was just a small boy. "OK, come on your two, break it up now. I have lunch planned for us at the El Poche Restaurant and we have just time to get there before it fills up." Peggy continued to tuck in her shirt as we headed down the stairs and I continued to think of her in panties and bra as I walked behind her, still surveying her backside. We arrived at the restaurant just before noon and were seated without incident but I could see what Dorthia was talking about as the restaurant continued to fill up very rapidly. It was a very fancy place and we were seated out on an enclosed patio all done in Mexican motif. The receptionist was Mexican as were all of the waitresses. Peggy and I both had to have my sister help us with ordering as the menu was also printed in Mexican. While we waited for lunch, Peggy and Dorthia sipped on Margaritas and I had a Corona Beer. I felt that they would ask for an ID because of my age but they brought the drinks without asking.
"James is going off to the Army, Peggy." "You are, when is this going to happen?" "Well, I have to be back in Youngstown in about a week. From there on I don't know. I guess it is up to the draft board." "Oh, you're going back to Youngstown? I'm going back too. Maybe we can go on the same train together." "James drove out in his car. You two need to put your heads together and see it wouldn't be better for the both of you to go back by car and share expenses." There goes my sister again I thought, always trying to figure out how to save a buck. She was back to drumming her fingernails on the table so I knew the gears were turning in her head. It was a good idea though. This sounded good to me as I barely had enough money to get back to Ohio as it was. Also it would be nice not to have to do all the driving and we could possibly make it in less time if we put in an extra 100 miles a day. "What do you think Peg? Do you want to go back with me? I'm leaving on Monday though so maybe that is too soon for you." She had a slight smile on her face as she contemplated her answer. The same smile I had seen so often in my youth. She put her hand in her hair and pushed it back away from her face and looked intently at me with those gorgeous green eyes of hers. She lifted her drink and tasted some of the salt on the rim of the margarita before she spoke. "Yes, driving back sounds much better than the train. I'll be glad to keep you company." The way she was looking at me sent a little shiver through me and I was certain that I detected a very quick wink. The thought of having her drive back with me was beginning to take on a whole new meaning. "Great Peg, it was so boring on the way out with no one to talk to and we do have a lot of catching up to do." My sister seemed pleased the way the conversation was going as she said, "Wonderful, you two can reminisce about the last five years or so then." The lunch arrived and even though I had such a large breakfast, everything looked delicious. I wasn't too sure what everything was but I really enjoyed the tacos and also the guacamole dip and the crisp chips they served on the side. Dorthia insisted on paying for the meal. We discussed the details of the planned trip and it was all set up for me to pick Peggy up on Monday morning at 7am. I got the impression that she was looking forward to going back with me and I was delighted at the thought of spending a few days with her. After dropping Peggy back off at the Casa, Dorthia took me back to Arcadia and I immediately headed back to Hollywood. As I drove down the same route I had taken to get to my sister's place, I began to think of the trip home. Jesus, on the way out, I had just pulled off to the side of the road and went to sleep and cleaned up in gas station rest rooms. I was certain that the return trip to Ohio would be quite different. Peggy wouldn't want to do that. Oh well, she had agreed to pay for half of the cost of the trip which was considerably less than the train ticket so we would just have to work out the overnight accommodations. Peggy Starr, Youngstown, Ohio 1942
End Chapter 9
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Chapter
10 June 15, 1942 Monday I had packed my car the night before and was all ready to head to the Casa to pick up Peggy at 5:30am. Mom had fixed some sandwiches and fruit and I was all set to go. “Drive safely son. Write to me as soon as you get back to Ohio. Have a safe trip.” “I will Mom.” I gave her a quick hug and headed down the hill to the car. At this time in the morning, I knew that I would beat the regular Monday morning traffic. It was 6:45 am when I arrived at the Casa. Peggy had already carried her suitcases to the front and was there waiting for me. “Hi Peggy, I see you’re all set to go.” “Good morning James. Yes, I’m all set. I couldn’t sleep last night thinking about what our trip might be like.” “Here, let me grab your stuff. Go ahead and get into the car.” She had three suitcases and I put them in the back along with my bags and we headed up towards Huntington Drive.
“Which route are you
taking.” “How long do you think it will take us?” “It all depends on how far we can drive each day. If we can go 600 miles each day, it will take 4 days. I made it in 4 days coming out so maybe with you helping out a the wheel, we can do it in less.” “This is sure a very quiet running car, did you do something special to it?” “No, it’s probably because it is a flat head V-8. Most of them are pretty quiet. I thought mine was noisy compared to Dorthia’s car.” “Well her car is much newer too. That sister of yours is doing really well for herself.” “Yes, she has a knack for it I guess. I was out to see my cousin Georgie and he is doing better yet. Do you know him?” “I’ve heard Dorthia talk of him but I’ve never met him. What does he do?” I wasn’t sure how to reply but I decided to just say it like it is with the exception of telling her about Teresa. “He is in the pornographic business. He makes movies.” “Oh Jesus, I can’t imagine anyone being in that type of business. It sounds absolutely disgusting.” “Those were my exact feelings. I was out to his place in Encino last week. He bought Mickey Rooney’s old house. My Uncle George had me take some papers out there to be signed and Georgie showed me through the whole place. It made me sick to think how hard I have to work back in Ohio just to make ends meet and here he is peddling these pornographic movies and getting rich from it.” “That’s ok. At least your conscience is clear. I work hard for my money too but I just could not envisage being involved with something like that.” “Where do you work?” “I’ve been working up at the South Side Hospital for about 4 years now. They were having a hard time finding nurses and even though I didn’t complete college, they took me anyway.” It wasn’t long before we were heading north out of San Bernardino toward Victorville. This part of the trip was the most boring because there was nothing but dry desert for hundreds of miles. I thought we could have lunch in Las Vegas and stop for the night in Provo, Utah. I didn’t know what to expect with regard to our motel room for the night. I guess this thought was also on my Mother’s mind when she questioned me about going back with Peggy. “Have you ever been to Las Vegas, Peg?” “No, this will be a first for me. I really wanted to make this trip with you. The train just whizzes through all of these places and you don’t get a chance to see much but driving, we can stop and get out and look at things if we want.” “We can stop in Las Vegas and have lunch and maybe take a quick tour of one of the Casinos they have there.” “Sounds like fun to me. Maybe we will hit the jackpot and our trip will cost us nothing.” “More than likely, we will lose a nickel or two and move on.” I filled up with gas at Barstow. The price was 22 cents a gallon but not too bad considering that it had to be hauled all the way out here in the middle of the desert. We grabbed a couple of cold sodas at the station then we headed east up the Baker Grade. “There are a couple of sandwiches and some fruit in that brown paper bag on the back seat, can you reach them Peg? They might go good with the Nehi Sodas we bought.” “Yes, I can get them.” I watched as she leaned way back over her seat to get them. Her levi’s were stretched tight across her buttocks and once again I began to think of the motel and how that would work out. We were making excellent time and Peggy was good company. I noticed several cars pulled over to the side of the road with the hoods up and radiators spewing out steam but so far I seemed to be running just a bit above normal on the temperature gauge. By 11:30 am we were headed down the mountain into Las Vegas. We were both hungry again and decided to eat before visiting one of the Casinos. “How does this place look, Peg?” “Looks good to me.” I pulled into the parking lot, locked the car, and we headed into the café. A blast of cold air hit us in the face as we walked in. This was my third time in Las Vegas and every place in town seemed to be air conditioned. It was such a gust of cold air at first but everything seemed very comfortable after we had been in there for a few minutes. “What are you going to have?” I quickly scanned the menu while watching the waitress serving the table next to us. “Oh, I guess just a burger and fries for me, how about you?” “I think I’m going to have a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich and coffee.” We were both taken aback with the brevity of the waitress’s uniform. I had never seen anyone in such a short cut outfit but I think we were the only ones that seemed concerned. Peggy had a grin on her face. “You can put your eyeballs back in their sockets now” as she continued to smile at me staring. “Damnedest thing I ever saw.” After lunch, we got the same blast of air going out the door but this time it was hot. When I opened the car, it was even hotter yet. We cranked down all the windows and headed further downtown Las Vegas. I stopped at the Golden Nugget and it was Peggy’s first glimpse of the inside of a casino. The Golden Nugget Las Vegas Nevada 1942
“Oh my goodness, look all the slot machines. There must be thousands of them in here.” “Yeah, I wonder how much money one of these places takes in every day.” It was nice and cool inside and we walked down aisle after aisle of slot machines and people pulling on the handles, some of them working two machines at the same time. We went past the crap tables, roulette tables, poker tables. Las Vegas had it all. We each put a few nickels in the slots and then decided we better get back on our way. It wasn’t long until we were back out into the arid desert with nothing but an occasional cactus or sage brush. Peggy fell asleep and didn’t wake up until we were pulling into the gas station at St. George, Utah. While the attendant was filling the tank, we both went to the restroom. When I got back out, the man told me my oil was ok and we got right back into the car and pushed on towards Salt Lake City. It was 6:30 pm when we arrived in Provo and we started looking for a motel. I spotted a place called ‘La Loma Motel’ that looked kind of nice and we decided to go in and check it out. We really hadn’t discussed this part of it so before we went in, I decided to get Peggy’s thoughts. “How are we going to work this? Are you ok with a single room with two beds?” “I’m sure that will be much cheaper than two separate rooms, besides, all we are going to do is get a nights sleep and wake up and go.” “Ok, those were my thoughts too.” When we got to the desk, I asked the man if he had any rooms for the night and how much they were. He said that he had a single room with one bed for $2.50 and the same single room with two beds for $3.00. I took the room with two beds and he had me sign in. Once we got the keys, we decided to go a bit further down the road and fill up with gas and eat. I was pretty tired from driving all day and we decided that we would switch off with the driving starting tomorrow. As we sat there at the dinner table in the Outpost Cafe, I couldn’t help but notice how pretty Peggy was with her thick blonde hair and her deep green eyes and once again, the image of her standing there ironing at the Casa with nothing on but a bra and panties flashed through my mind. “A penny for your thoughts James.” “I’m not sure if you really want to know Peg.” It was obvious that she caught me starting at her. It was a bad habit I had whenever I was in the company of a good looking woman. “Tell Me.” “I was thinking of you and the surprise that Dorthia had for us and us busting in on you the way we did.” “Ah, that left an impression on you eh?” “Yes, it did. Whether you realize it or not, you are very attractive. I have never told you this before but when I was just a little boy and you would come to our house and visit Dorthia, I was always so thrilled to see you. I can’t explain it, other than I had a crush on you.” “Really? A crush huh? And you find me attractive? “ “Yep, I think you are, very attractive. I also noticed that you still use the same perfume.” “Yes, I do. It’s called Arpège. Do you like it?” “Yes, it brings back so many boyhood memories of when you would come to visit.” After supper, we headed right into the center of town to have a look around. Peggy wanted to see as much as she could of everywhere we had been. It was a very clean town and the main street faced straight up towards a huge mountain. We looked around in several of the shops and then we spotted and ice cream parlor. “Everything looks so good James, I think I will have a neopolitan cone.” The Ice Cream Parlor, Provo Utah 1942
I ordered a double chocolate cone and we sat over in the corner watching and eating our cones as other customers came in to get their favorite picks. It was dark by now and we headed back to the motel. Peggy asked if I would bring in her green bag so I grabbed that and my bag. I gave her the keys and we headed for the room. It was fairly large compared to the room I had at Evelyn’s. There was a stand for the bags so I put them on it and carried my shaving kit into the bathroom. “Are you sure you’re ok with this arrangement, Peg?” “Come over here.” She had motioned me over with her fingers and just as I got there, she hugged me. “This has been the best day of my vacation. I suppose we’re both somewhat apprehensive about being in the same room together but I feel very comfortable with you here with me.” “Ok, which bed do you want, Peg?” “Oh, I don’t care, how about if you take the one closest to the door and I’ll take the one next to the bathroom.” “OK.” I went to my bag and laid out fresh clothes for in the morning and while I was doing that, Peggy had pulled back her covers and then went into the bathroom to brush her teeth. While she was in there, I set my alarm clock for 5:30am then slid off my pants and shirt and crawled under the covers. I was almost asleep when Peggy came back out. She was wearing a blue cotton pajama top as she walked over towards me. “What time will we leave in the morning James?” “I have the alarm set for 5:30. We need to be on our way by 6:00 if we want to make good time tomorrow.” I was surprised when she sat down on the bed alongside me and started to talk. “Do you really find me attractive?” “Yes, you are more than attractive, you’re beautiful.” “Oh, I’m not!! None of the staff at work even give me a second look. I’m 24 years old now and I should be going out on dates but most of my time is spent sitting alone at home with my Mom.” That comment made me sit up in bed so that I could look at her directly. “Listen to me Peggy, I don’t have a clue as to why you are not being pestered for dates but one thing I can tell you for sure, it’s not your looks.” I put my hand up to her hair and then let the back of my hand touch her face. “You have such lovely hair and beautiful eyes and when you smile…….we’ll let’s just say you are what a man calls a ‘looker’. Everything about you is beautiful and believe me, I had a good look at you just yesterday.” "Was it me that you found beautiful or was it the sight of me in my panties and bra?" “I was thinking about that earlier today at the cafe. In fact it has been on my mind most of the day, that and the thought of what it would be like making this trip with you. There is no way I can separate the beauty of your face, your smile, your hair, your eyes from that of your body. It’s all you.” “I had similar thoughts about this trip too and I couldn’t sleep last night wondering what it would be like and now here we are in this room alone together.” “What are you thinking Peg?” “I’m thinking this is something I have wanted for a long time.” “You mean the trip or us, here, now?” “Us here now. I have never felt comfortable around men but for some reason it’s different here with you tonight.” I was not certain where this was going until she moved a slight bit closer to me. Her hair was so thick that it always seemed to cover part of her face and as I put my hand out to brush her hair back, we ended up in an embrace followed by a long tender kiss. I fell back onto the pillow with her in my arms, the warmth of her breasts pressed hard against my chest. “Are you sure this is what you want Peg?” “Yes, I’m sure.” I folded back the covers and she got in alongside me. We lay there for the longest time in each other’s arms not saying a word. The closeness of her body next to mine had already started to arouse me and as we kissed again, my hand found her breast through the thin cotton pajamas. “You are so beautiful. I guess you noticed me staring at you earlier today. I never imagined it would happen like this.” One by one I unbuttoned her pajama top, my hands clumsy with excitement and then the touch of her naked skin. The kisses were one right after the other. “I want you to love me totally, James. I need to know what it feels like to be loved.” That sounded an awful lot to me like she was a virgin because making love was not something one would forget. It seemed like an eternity, that first touch of her naked body next to mine. Then all of a sudden her warm body was pressed up against me, my arms completely surrounding her. The light fragrance of her perfume filled my nostrils and I was breathing heavier than normal, slightly nervous and excited. She felt incredibly wonderful. My hand went to her thigh and moved slowly up past her hips and into the valley of her waist and up past her rib cage to her breasts. She had beautiful full breasts and the nipples were swollen and as I touched them with my fingertips, they became instantly erect. I lingered there for a long time while we kissed. I could feel her tongue touching my lips and she began telling me that she wanted me to love her fully. I was not sure why we both seemed to want this to happen so badly but the dreams of Peggy that I had as a boy were now flashing through my mind a mile a minute. I finally allowed my hand to move away from her breasts and explore the rest of her lovely body. Her skin felt like velvet. I was barely touching her with my fingertips and I could feel the peach fuzz hair as my hand roamed over her flat stomach. I was fully aroused by this time and I could feel her warm hands searching my body as I was hers. It was almost as in unison that my hand felt the warmth between her thighs as she found the hardness of me. She put her fingers around me and slid her hand all the way out to the end of me and back again. I had never been touched like that before and it felt extremely sensuous. I kept thinking to myself, We're going to fuck! How can this be? Christ James, you are in bed with your sister’s best girlfriend. All sorts of things were flashing through my mind as she put her leg over the top of me and rolled over onto me, much more the aggressor than myself. She sat there kneeling over the top of me, her hands gently caressing my shoulders and my arms. As she kissed me, I could feel her naked breasts resting on my chest, my own hands exploring the firmness of her buttocks, the arch of her back, the sides of her torso and then up to the beauty of her breasts once more. Dear God, forgive me, please forgive me. I know that I am sinning but I can't help myself. She raised her hips up and guided me to the wetness between her thighs. In a moment, I was engulfed with enormous warmth and it felt as though a thousand of tiny fingers had surrounded me, each surrendering in their own time to further penetration. It was like going into a space that didn't initially exist and forcing it open only to be captured again and surrounded by the warmth and tingling of Peggy herself. Once she had lowered herself completely onto me, she laid herself down upon me with her full weight and her breasts were pressing heavily against my chest. She began kissing me, her tongue again touching my lips at first and then darting into my mouth to meet mine. I seemed to be feeding on the sweetness of her mouth as though I were trying to devour her. "Peggy, you are so incredible." With that she began moving her hips, first taking me fully into her and then rising up the full length of me and once more thrusting me deep inside her. All thoughts of this being her first time now dispelled from my mind. She would have done this on her own had I let her but I responded with thrusts of my own, each one seemingly better than the previous. My head was swimming with the feel of her surrounding me. There was no beginning or end, just the precious moments of now. I wanted so much to make her feel wanted and needed and loved. I thought of what Uncle George had told me, ‘when you are making love to a woman, make sure she is the one who sends the first message’. George Munton was all man and I never could figure out how his son Georgie came to be so feminine. I wasn't quite sure what George meant by that until Peggy began to breathe heavily and then she said, "Oh my God James, whatever you do, don't stop now." My heart was pounding so wildly that I thought it would burst through my chest but stopping was not even a word that was in my vocabulary at the moment. Just when I thought that nothing could feel any better than this, Peg managed yet another thrust and another taking all of me and then the final thrust by the two of us as I released deep inside her. When it was over, she went limp on top of me and the two of us just laid there for the longest time before speaking another word. I woke up to the sound of the alarm ringing loudly in my ear. Startled by this, I quickly rose to a sit up position, my hand reaching out for Peggy. It was 5:30 am and I suddenly realized that I had been dreaming this sexual fantasy about Peggy and myself. I must have fallen asleep last night before she came out of the bathroom. I looked over and saw that she was just beginning to stir in the bed next to mine and I hurriedly got out of bed, grabbed the fresh clothes I had laid out and headed into the shower. I was still aroused as I stepped into the tub and pulled the shower curtain closed. I let the water run from tepid to cold to douse the thoughts of my dream but it was hardly enough to squelch the thoughts of what might have been. I quickly washed and got out of the shower, brushed my teeth, put on my clean clothes and left the bathroom. Peggy was still in her pajama top sitting at the edge of the bed. “Good morning Peg, did you sleep OK?” “Yes, I had a very restful night. I think it was because of you being here with me. What time is it? “It’s quarter to six. I’m going to load everything but your bag back into the car while you shower, ok?” “OK, I won’t be long.” By 6:00 am we had the car loaded, Peggy took the wheel first and were on our way. We took route 89 north towards Salt Lake City and decided to have breakfast there. We passed the city limit sign about 6:55 am so we were making good time. Peggy spotted a place to eat and we pulled in. I liked Provo much better than Salt Lake City. There was just too much traffic here and so many people rushing around at this hour in the morning. “Well, what looks good to you this morning?” “I think I will have the bacon and scrambled eggs and country fried potatoes with toast and coffee.” When the waitress arrived, I ordered two of the same. She poured us both coffee and then left with our order. “I see this waitress didn’t have the same attraction for you as the one in Las Vegas.” I could see by the laughter she was holding back that she would not soon forget that. “Wasn’t that gal in Las Vegas something? I got the impression that she wanted to show off everything she had.” “How did you sleep last night? You were fast asleep before I ever got out of the bathroom.” “I slept very well…….had a dream about you actually.” “Oh really, what was it about?” I didn’t know whether to tell her about my dream or not but I felt that part of it would not hurt. “Well, I was lying there almost asleep when you came out of the bathroom and you sat down on the bed along side me and started to talk. You asked me if I found you attractive even though I had told you earlier that you were.” “And then what happened?” “You went on to tell me that you felt otherwise because no one at work even gave you a second glance. That made me sit up and take notice because I know how good looking you are.” “You’re making me blush. Was that the end of the dream or is there more?” “The dream went on and I’m not sure how it happened but you came up closer and we started to kiss.” “Oh my goodness James, what do you think brought that on?” “I’m not sure, maybe just childhood thoughts invading my dream. One thing for sure, you are very attractive and that could have been part of it too.” “One part of your dream is true; no one at work does give me a second look.” “I find that so hard to believe Peg and that is not the childhood part of me speaking, it’s me right now sitting here looking at you.” The waitress arrived with our food and for the moment we gave up on the dream and both of us stuffed ourselves on the delicious country fried potatoes. By 7:30 am, we were back on the road again, this time headed east on US Highway 30. I told Peggy that we would stay on route 30 all the way to Canton, Ohio. “How far will we be able to go today? “With a little luck we should make North Platte, Nebraska which is about 660 miles. That was the only place I stayed overnight on the way out.” “Oh really. How did you manage that?” “I just pulled into a closed gas station and slept here on the car seat. Not the ideal situation but it saved me quite a bit of money.” “Well, I have to have a bed and a shower. What was the name of the place you stayed? Was it nice? “It was called the North Platte Inn. It’s right off the highway. It was like tiny houses with just a bed and bath. I’m sure you will like it.” It was shortly after 1pm when we pulled into Rawlins, Wyoming. It was a small town with just the one main street. We got gas first and looked around a bit and then headed for the Longhorn. The Longhorn Saloon, Rawlins Wyoming
“Peggy, you have just got to taste the steak at the Longhorn. For less than a dollar, you will have a full meal and the best tasting steak you ever ate.” The Longhorn seemed to be the place of choice in Rawlins. It looked a lot like some of the saloons in western movies and it was not unusual to see most of the men wearing cowboy hats and jeans.
“Wow, this place is great. These are some of the things that I know I missed coming out on the train. Look at those round oak tables and chairs just like in the movies and the wooden floor with wood chips strewn all about.” We made our way to a table and sat down, the both of us taking in as much of the surroundings as we could. The smell of food was very tempting but I told Peggy to be sure and order the small steak plate or she would not be able to eat it all. When the waitress brought our meal, we both just sat there agape at all there was to eat. First came the soup followed by a plate of mashed potatoes and gravy, corn, beans, jello with whipped cream, and on the side a plate for the steak and another for the four large pieces of bread. “My Goodness, I’m glad you had me order the small plate otherwise I would not have been able to finish. You were right about the steak too……it was absolutely delicious.” “Sure glad you enjoyed it. I bet we both weigh 2 pounds more now.” She smiled at my comment. On the way out we noticed a large bowl of mixed candy and we both grabbed a piece to munch on in the car. It was my turn to drive now, our destination, North Platte some 300 more miles on down the road. Peggy was amazed to see the herds of wild buffalo grazing on the open range land. Buffalo Grazing in Wyoming
Most of Wyoming was barren in my view, having lived in Ohio where things were so much more plush in the summer. Cheyenne was the next major town along the way and it was much like Rawlins with the one main street in and out of town. We gassed up there and I got us both a soda before heading east again. Peggy had a liking for the Nehi Orange and I liked the Royal Crown Cola and we both drank those down on this our last leg of the journey for the day. We came rolling into North Platte at 7pm and I went directly to the North Platte Inn and registered. Once we got the keys to the cabin like motel, we went into town and had a very light dinner and once again we walked all the way up and down the main street window shopping. We filled the gas tank and it was almost 9pm when we arrived at the motel. The North Platte Inn, North Platte Nebraska
As soon as I flicked the room light on, I realized that I had forgotten to get a room with two beds. “Oh no, I forgot about the two beds. I can sleep on the floor if you want?” “Don’t be silly. You can’t sleep on the floor.” I was so embarrassed at having made such a mistake but once again, Peggy took me by surprise, once more motioning me towards her with her finger. “Come over here James.” She hugged me up close to her and told me everything would be fine. I could sense her whole body up next to me and the visions of my dream quickly came flooding back into my mind. “You made love to me in your dream last night, didn’t you?” “Yes, how did you know?” “Women sense these things. Also, it’s not hard to see the way you look at me.” I could still feel her body pressed up close to me then she leaned back and looked at me straight in the eyes. She was so beautiful and her deep green eyes were dancing all around looking at me. Having her near to me like this filled my senses to overflowing with desire for her. It was not a fantasy this time as our mouths locked on one another in a deep kiss. “Peggy, you are so lovely.” “I have to confess something to you James; this was on my mind as far back as the El Poche Restaurant when your sister first suggested that we go back to Ohio toether.” It had only been a few nights ago that I had walked out on Teresa but somehow this felt much different. Peggy was my childhood sweetheart. Thoughts of Evelyn and the six months I had lived at her place quickly flashed through my mind. I had feelings for her but we had not shared an intimacy, not even a kiss. Everything was a bit muddled in my mind but I knew that I could not say no to Peggy. She was still in my arms when the alarm went off at 5:30am and I knew right away that we might not make it all the way to the Illinois border before dark today. My thoughts proved correct as it was almost 8:30 am before we got out of bed and left the small cabin and got under way. We grabbed a bite to eat in North Platte and headed east with Peggy driving first just as we had done yesterday. “You were incredible last night and this morning.” “So were you cowboy. I knew I should have bought you that hat back in Rawlins.” I had almost forgotten trying on the cowboy hat. Peggy thought it looked good on me and wanted to buy it for me but I wasn’t quite ready for hats just yet. I wondered what it would be like in the Army having to wear a hat every day. We stopped for lunch in Lincoln, Nebraska and while we were eating, Peggy caught me staring at her again. “I’m not as good looking as you seem to think.” “Yes you are. I guess you noticed that I can’t keep my eyes off you.” “It’s very flattering but still not true.” Already I had started to think about tonight and what it would be like sleeping with Peggy again. After lunch, we filled the car with gas and I took my turn behind the wheel. Nebraska was just one long straight road with corn fields as far as the eye could see. At one point, Peggy counted over 100 miles of electric poles along the road without the slightest bend. The monotony of it all had made her sleepy and she cat napped most of the afternoon. It was just getting dark when I pulled over to eat dinner just outside of Cedar Rapids, Iowa at a place called LuLu’s. We still had a ways to go yet but I needed to get out and stretch as well as use the restroom. We entered the restaurant to the sound of the juke box playing ‘After You’ve Gone’. “Do you like music James? I really don’t know a lot about you just yet.” “Yes, I love music.” “Anything special.” As we sat there in the booth, Peggy was busy browsing through all of the songs on the jukebox. “After last night, the only ones that come to mind are ‘ I Had the Craziest Dream Last Night’. Or how about ‘Sentimental Journey’ or ‘Green Eyes’. My choices brought a smile to Peg’s face. She put a quarter in the box and chose 5 songs. As we sat there and listened to the music and talked, we decided not to push on to Clinton, Iowa. I was sure that we could make it from Cedar Rapids to Youngstown in a single day and both of us were getting worn out from all the driving. “I’m just going to have a hamburger and fries tonight, how about you Peg?” “Yes, it sounds fine to me too. I’m so sleepy, I can’t stop yawning.” As we sat there eating our burgers, it crossed my mind that this would be our last night together. I asked the waitress where we might find a motel close by and she told us that there were three or four of them just down the road a ways. We didn’t linger long at LuLu’s. While we were driving to the motel, I posed the question again. “One bed or two?” “After last night, it has to be one, silly.” “I just wanted to be sure.” Once I had the bags in the room, I went back out and locked the car. By the time I got back in, Peggy was already in her pajama top. I walked over and held her in my arms while we stood there alongside the bed kissing. I could feel myself half aroused as I slid my pants and shirt off and climbed into bed next to her. Even though I was dead tired from driving all day, the need to make love to her was all I could think about. As we lay there on our sides facing each other, the kisses became endless and my hand instinctively went to her breast. It was heaven lying with her like this. Our trip was very quickly coming to an end and I didn’t know what to expect once we both got back home. “I don’t know what’s ahead for me with all this war stuff going on right now. Somehow, I feel that you understand better than me how things are for us. I suppose that I will be in the army soon with no control over where I go or what I do.” “All I know is that this trip has been the best time of my life and I would like it to go on but being the realist that I am, I know that it won’t. For now, I just want you to hold me close and make love to me like you did last night.” It was close to midnight before I set the alarm and the two of us drifted off to sleep. The following day was much like the rest with Peggy driving first. Our destination was Youngstown and home now with both of us a bit saddened that our time together was growing less by the hour. For me, it was the shortest day of our trip and we were soon approaching Canton, Ohio and territory that I was familiar with. I headed northeast towards Alliance on up into Canfield. When we got to Boardman, Peg told me to turn left onto Southern Ave. up to Midlothian Blvd. Peggy lived with her Mother at 940 West Judson Ave. very close to Lake Newport. It was exactly 6:30 pm when I pulled into her drive. I carried her bags on in for her and she introduced me to her Mother, telling her who I was and why it was that we arrived by car and not the train. It was very obvious after meeting her Mother that Peggy was being controlled by her. Her Mother did not want men in her life and that was the reason no one was asking her for dates. It all began to make sense to me now, her actions, her need to be loved while she was on vacation…..and just like that it was over. Peggy walked me back out to the car to say goodbye and there was no kiss, not even a hug. The sad look on her face told the whole story. “It’s over, isn’t it, Peg?” “Yes, those few nights with you were the most wonderful of my life but it’s over.” “It’s your Mom, isn’t it? “Yeah.” I knew there was no use to question her any further but I wanted to be sure before I left what was going on. I had an empty feeling with it ending almost as quickly as it had begun. “Goodbye Peg” “So long, Cowboy” I got into the car and waved to her as I pulled away and headed back down Midlothian to Struthers. The McCurdy House and Store Next Door
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Stop 14, Struthers Ohio 1942
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Chapter 12 As I sat there clutching Georgie's letter in my hand, the sky began to darken. The low misty grey clouds sweeping quickly through the sky were a sure sign of rain and I knew that I had to be getting inside soon. It was wonderful that I was able to visit with Aunt Dora and Victoria, however, at this moment I felt as though everything in my life was all screwed up and it was all my own fault. Peggy, Evelyn, and now Gillian. My heart sank at the thought of having hurt her. Just as I started to think about her, the hospital door opened and there she was coming towards me. I would not have blamed her if she had just left me out in the rain. It was very obvious that she was distraught. The first words out of her mouth, "Well noo James, let's see if we canna get ye inside." I could see that her eyes were swollen from crying but she got me to my feet and helped me with the crutches and in a few minutes had me back in the wicker chair next to the window. "Your lunch will be along shortly James", as she quickly strode off down the row of beds. It was so unlike her not to stay and talk for a bit but I did tell her to walk away from me and not turn back.........her words to me still ringing in my ear though, "I'll do no sooch thing, Jamie MacGregor." Was there nothing I could do that would heal the hurt I had caused her? As I sat there wondering what to do or say to Gillian, it was Laura who brought my tray of food to me. "Here ye go James, some nice hot soup for ye. Do ye mind if I sit doon and talk wi ye a bit while ye have yer lunch?" "It's about Gillian, isn't it Nurse Murray?" "Aye James, it is. She was tae upset tae work so I told her tae go awa home. Gillian is sae mixed up right noo. I knew she had taken a fancy to ye James but it's worse than that, she's smitten. I'm sae glad ye told her the truth aboot this woman ye have tae home." "I'm very mixed up myself. Everything tells me that I did the right thing by telling her about my girlfriend at home. I know that she was hurt quite noticeably by my admission. I have no idea how to go about setting things right or even if they can be set right. I'm very attracted to Gillian, I can feel it whenever I so much as look at her but if I’m right in my thinking, it has to stop. Just today, I got several letters from my girlfriend Evelyn and she misses me terribly and can't wait for me to come home." "Well James, I'm glad tae hear ye say these things. It's nae easy ta fix the feelings of oother's but let me hae another talk with Gillian and see what cooms of it." With that, Nurse Murray went on about her business of taking trays to the rest of the patients in the ward. As soon as she left, I re-read the letters from Evelyn and I knew that I must get a reply off to her without delay. Just about that time I saw an army Lieutenant walking towards me. "Hello he said, are you James MacGregor?" "Yes sir, I'm Macgregor" "My name is Lieutenant Clifton from the 303rd Bomber Group, Molesworth, England. I've come up to Hawick to make a final report on your plane. This morning I inspected the wreckage and there is not much left but the tail section and the engines strewn all about. The local authorities have preserved the area and gathered the remains. I was able to collect 8 dog tags so I’m assuming the plane had a crew of 10. This was my first contact with the army since our plane had crashed and I was quite glad to know that they were here to check it out. "Yes sir, there were 10 crew memebers." "First off, MacGregor, survivors. Name and Rank if you know it." "There was just two of us Lieutenant, myself and sergeant Bill Hetrick. He has just come out of a coma and is here in the hospital. I'm supposed to be able to visit with him tomorrow." "Yes, I had a word with Hetrick. He is a bit worse off than you and won't be able to travels for quite a while yet. What can you tell me about the circumstances of the crash?" "We had just dropped our load of bombs on the U-Boat Yards at Wilhelmshaven when we took several hits from anti-aircraft fire. For a while there, I thought the plane was going down over enemy territory but 2nd Lt. Doug Mason who was the co-pilot, managed to get us back across the North Sea. He said that he thought 2nd Lt. Mitch Cunningham and Lt. Meyers were both killed from the hits. The weather was really bad and all of the navigation instruments had been shot up. As a result, we were way off course and crashed here in Hawick in dense fog. It all happened so quickly that I don't remember a thing other than waking up here in the hospital, sir." "What position did you fill on the mission? "I was the tail gunner, Lieutenant." "Hmmmm, being in the tail of the plane is probably what saved you because there was not much of anything else left." The questioning went on for the better part of an hour but there was not too much more information that I was able to furnish. As the lieutenant was about to leave, I wanted to find out about getting some clothes and ID. "Sir, is it part of your inspection duties to get me back to my squadron? I don't have a stitch of clothes or even any ID." "Yes, MacGregor, my report will go directly to Colonel Stanley W. Bray, Commanding Officer at Molesworth. From that point on, it will be up to him to get the ball rolling on getting you re-outfitted with clothing and such and get you transported back to your Bomber Group. All of the Bomber Groups are short on men so they will want to expedite your return. My best guess on when you will be sent back is in about two weeks. In all probability, you’ll be sent to the 2nd Evacuation Hospital in Huntingdon to make sure you are fit to return to duty." With that, he wished me good luck and was on his way out. Once again I was alone with my thoughts. Dr. Buchanan had told me my healing process would take about four to six weeks so the Lieutenants estimate was right in line with that. I reached for the writing pad again. I needed to write to Georgie but most of all to Evelyn and let her know that I'm still out of harms way for the time being. --------------------------------------------- Dear Evelyn, So much has happened since my last letter that I hardly know where to begin. You know of course that I broke my leg and I just found out today that I will most likely be sent back to my unit in a couple of weeks. Of all the strange things, this hospital ended up being very close to my Aunt Dora and she paid me a visit, along with her daughter Victoria. In addition to that, I’ve met several of my Dad's friends who live close by so I have had plenty of company the past few days. I will be getting my cast off my leg in a few days and I’m most anxious for that to happen. You need to call Glen and have him take a look at my car. It needs to be run a bit and he said he would service it for me if you just give him a call. He told me his father passed away a while back and that was to be expected as sick as he was. I guess that makes the whole garage his now. I might talk to him about going into business together when I get back because the both of us are very mechanically inclined. I have several more letters to catch up on so I’ll say goodbye for now. With Love, James -------------------------------------------------------------- Now I had to think about what I would write to Georgie. I was already pissed off at him for dodging the draft. My Mother had told me he couldn’t serve because he has a bad back and that was bullshit. I read his letter again and one sentence really stuck in my craw. 'I would hate to have to let her go but unless something happens, she is not much use the way she is.' What an asshole he is. What did he expect to happen? That I could write to her and tell her to keep on being a whore for him? The more I thought about it, the more angry I got. I took the pen and just started writing. ------------------------------------------------------ Dear Cousin Georgie, I received your letter regarding Teresa and I must say that I’m very disappointed in your actions. You’re the one who dragged her into your pornographic lifestyle. You are using her just like you do everyone else just to further your own needs. She wants help and all you can think of is throwing her out if she does not perform. I talked to her for several hours on the phone the day after I was at your house and all she wants is the chance to live a normal life. She wants real boyfriends, not sex partners of you’re choosing. Did you ever think of having her do something else other than being a whore to satisfy your perverted so called friends? Please Georgie, do something good for a change. Send her to a school to learn office management or something like that. Give her a chance. Is it too much to ask? Your cousin James After finishing the letters, I gave them to Laura to post for me and then I must have dozed off for a bit. When I woke up, it was supper time. The kitchen must not have been too far away from my ward because I could always smell food just about the time they were ready to serve. It was Mary Beth bringing the trays this time. "And how are ye today James?" "I'm fine Mary Beth. My leg is feeling much better and I’ve been able to get around much better on the crutches. "Aye, it willna be long lad and ye will be roonin doon the road tae toon." "I'm looking forward to that Mary Beth. The army said I will be out of here in a couple of weeks and I would sure like to walk down High Street and see all the shops and such before I have to go." "A couple of weeks eh? Ye'll nae be totally healed by then but good enough tae travel I suppose." In a few minutes, Mary Beth was on her way to the others. The evening meal was fish and chips and unusually good for a change. The way they had the fish breaded reminded me of my mother's way of fixing fish. I was also in a more relaxed mood having gotten the letters off to Evelyn and Georgie. In the morning I knew I would have to talk to Gillian but not quite sure in my mind what I would say to her. I wanted very much to see Hetrick so I could begin with that or perhaps I could ask her when the cast was coming off. After finishing with my supper, I decided to write another letter home before turning in for the night. ------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Mom and Dad, Your package arrived today and I thoroughly enjoyed the raisin cookies and the candy bars. I wanted to get a short note off to you to let you know that I will only be here for about two more weeks. Aunt Dora and Victoria were both here to visit with me. I was so shocked when I saw Aunt Dora as she looks so much like you, Mom. They wanted me to go up and stay with them for a few days but it's not likely that will happen because I will be going back to my unit sooner than I expected. My leg cast will be coming off soon and I should be able to get around much better once that is gone. Billy Burnet's daughter Annaliese invited me over for dinner as soon as I’m able to get about so that will make for a nice evening out. Everyone here has been really nice to me. I met JR. He was telling me about the letters from you Dad, that cross his desk quite often. He’s going to write a story about me being here. I doubt very much if you will be able to get a letter back to me before I leave here. I bet you are quite anxious to know more about why and how I got here but unfortunately I cannot put that information in my letters because all of our mail is censored for such things as that. I will be going down to the mill to look around and see if I can find any of your old friends there. Also over to the "News". Even though the army moves us about the way they do, my address will still remain the same. I’ll write to you again once I am back with my unit. Your Son, James I was getting pretty good with the crutches by now and was able to get from the wicker chair over to the bed without incident. I feel asleep very quickly and woke to the sound of Dr. Buchanan's voice. "How are ye doin lad? Are ye ready tae hae the cast coom off? I've set it oop for ye after the noon hour and nurse MacKenzie will see to it that ye find room 109." I could see Gillian standing at the foot of the bed and our eyes met for a brief moment and then she looked away. "Oh yes, Dr. Buchanan, I'm ready to get rid of it." It was a cumbersome thing and my leg itched terribly under the cast so the noon hour could not come too quickly for me. "Aye then. Lieutenant Clifton spoke tae me about having ye transported tae the train station here in Hawick in aboot 2 weeks. I'm fairly certain ye will be well enough by then tae make the journey". They were both headed down the row of beds before I got the opportunity to speak to Gillian but she was designated as the one to take me to get the cast off so I figured we could talk then. My departure from Hawick seemed pretty well fixed and Gillian had heard the doctor say two weeks. I got out of bed, got the crutches under my arms and headed for the latrine. Then I made my way to my favorite wicker chair and waited for breakfast to be served. As I was sitting there looking out the window, I glanced around to see Billy Burnet headed my way with a shopping bag. "Good Morn tae ye James. I'm back wi soom clothes for ye". "Good Morning Mr. Burnet. If you only knew how anxious I am to get into something other than these hospital gowns". "Well, it isna much. Some underclothes, troosers, two shirts, and some socks and shoes but enough sae ye can go aboot wi out someone seeing yer backside, eh?" "Oh yes. I will make good use of these, Mr. Burnet. They’re going to remove my cast today so the timing is wonderful. I just got word yesterday that I’ll be going back to my Bomber Group in two weeks so the clothing will allow me to come over and have dinner with you one evening before I have to leave Hawick." "That Army of yours does na waste any time in getting ye back. I thought ye might be here several months afore they cam for ye". "Yes, they need every man they can get I'm told. These daylight bombing missions over Germany are very costly in planes as well as lives. I would say that about twenty percent of the men don't come back so there is a constant flow of new crews coming over from the United States. I had only been on three or four missions before I found out very quickly that you don't want to develop any close relationships". "Well lad, let’s hope ye have a bit o luck and remain one o' the 80% that do get back. War is a terrible thing but we hae to defeat the Nazi Regime or become their slaves. I'm proud of ye. It takes a good strong man tae fly those bombers and get shot at each time ye go oop". "This last mission was the worst I had seen. Others told me about heavy flak but you have to see it to know the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach knowing that any second you might get hit. When my plane did get hit, I thought that we might have to bail out over enemy territory. I get the jitters every time we go up. I'm beginning to think its normal." "Aye lad, it's normal. I experienced the same thing in World War 1 bogged down in trenches with the Germans nae mare than 500 feet away. I moost be gettin tae the school now. I'll have Anna coom over tae see ye aboot the dinner." "OK Mr. Burnet, thanks again for the clothes. I can't wait to try them on." As soon as he left, Laura Murray was there with my breakfast. "Good morning tae ye James. I had a few words with Gillian and she is nae willing tae listen to me give advice. Best ye hear froom her yerself rather than second hand froom me." She was quick to move on and I had no idea what she meant by her remarks. After breakfast, I got my crutches and decided to see what I could find out about Hetrick. I had not been around the corner at the end of my ward and as soon as I turned the bend, I could see Gillian at the nurse's station. As I worked my way towards her, she glanced up and looked at me. "Good Morning Gillian." "Good Morning Jamie, aren't ye the brave one now walking all the way doon here alone on yer crutches." "I've gotten much better at moving around. I was trying to find out if I can see Hetrick now that he has come out of his coma." "That ye can. He has joost finished his breakfast and I'm sure he will be sae excited tae see ye. I was aboot tae coom down and tak ye ootside. I need tae talk tae ye but it can wait until ye've been tae see Mr. Hetrick". Once again I got that funny feeling just looking at Gillian. She had that same wonderful smile with her eyes darting all about and her lip curling up. Whether I wanted to be or not......I was still very attracted to her. I followed along behind her all the way to the other end of the hospital. Hetrick was in a room by himself and as soon as Gillian opened the door, I could see him laying there on the bed. I hurried to his side and blurted out....... "Jesus Christ, Cowboy, how are you?"
Hetrick, Molesworth, England 1943
With that, Gillian said, "I'll leave ye twa tae talk a while". Hetrick reached out and we shook hands for the longest time. "MacGregor, I'm doing fine, how the hell are you?" "I'm ok Cowboy but I've got to ask you how you managed to be in the tail section when we crashed? It's been bugging me for over a month now". "Well, my radio quit working and according to my watch, we should have seen dogtown. You were the closest one to us so I worked my way on back to the tail to see if I could find out what was going on. I never made it all the way back before I heard this awful exploding sound and then everything went blank until I woke up here in the hospital." "Ah, so that was it. Good thing you were in the tail because Lieutenant Clifton said that was the only part that was still all in one piece. He also told me I'm going back to Molesworth in two weeks. Man, I hope you get well enough to get out of that bed before I go. Maybe we can go to town and hoist a few". "Gillian tells me this is your father’s home town. That has got to be the damndest thing I have ever heard of." "Yeah it is. I even got to see my Aunt Dora and her daughter Victoria, neither of whom I have ever met before. Not only that, I met my Dad's grade school teacher. His daughter Anna came over to visit with me the other day. Now there's a babe for you Hetrick. Man is she ever a looker". "Still got your eyes on the good ones eh, Macgregor?" We both laughed over that. We talked for the better part of an hour, mostly about going back to Molesworth. We both had the same feeling that we needed to get back and get the war over with. About that time, Gillian was back. "Did ye twa have a guid talk? I think ye better be headed back now Jamie and let Mr. Hetrick get some rest." He looked better than I expected and I knew right off he was going to get well again. Unlike my broken bones, he got a bad knock on the head and that was going to take more time to heal. I told him I would be back tomorrow, grabbed my crutches, and headed out the door with Gillian. As we walked down the corridor Gillian started to speak. "I have need tae speak tae ye. Would it be all right if we take a few minutes and go outside for a wi bit?" "Yes, I need to speak to you also". When we reached the outside door, Gillian held it open for me and we both headed for the wooden bench we had sat at previously. I could see that Gillian was nervous and I decided to talk first. "There was a Lieutenant from the 8th Air Force here yesterday and tentatively I'm scheduled to return to Molesworth in about two weeks. I want you to forgive me for upsetting you the other day. I only wanted you to know the situation as it exists. My life is very messed up right now Gillian, and I'm still not sure what to do to fix it. You have to give me time to sort things out. I do have these feelings for you. I told you I was falling in love with you but I don't want to lead you on, I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have. It's absolutely awful being in this situation because I don't want to hurt Evelyn either.” "I've fallen in love wi ye as weel and I dinna want to give ye oop to the war. I canna let ye go off wi out ye knowin my feelings. I ken ye have these same feelings for me otherwise it would nae be botherin ye so. Ye said your love for Mrs. McCurdy was not the same thing ye felt for me. Ye said it was more a need tae help her than it was love. I do understand how awful this situation moost be for ye and that’s why I willna turn my back on ye and go the other way". Everything Gillian said was true. Evelyn did need help. I was quite surprised that Gillian still wanted me even though she knew everything about Evelyn. “I’m glad to hear you say that Gillian. I want you to know that my feelings for you are real……that my love for you is real. "Aye Jamie, I ken. Ye only have another coople o' weeks here and then ye will be gone. That will be the test of our love. I want ye to promise to write tae me". “I’ll write to you often……and that’s a promise.” It was almost lunch time before we finished talking and although nothing was solved, we both felt better about the dilemma we found ourselves in. Shortly after lunch, Gillian was back to take me to have the cast removed from my leg. End Chapter 12
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